Wednesday Afternoon Headlines

By brendon January 23, 2013 @ 4:07 PM

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ANGELINA JOLIE – might be pregnant again, meaning she and Brad Pitt will soon have their seventh child. To be honest I’m not even sure if that’s what the story said, it just seems like something they would do. (hollywood life)

BEYONCE – lip-synched yesterday at the inauguration for President Obama, but her ‘Destinys Child’ bandmate Michelle Williams was quick to defend her because of the crowd, possible echoes, and the enormity of the moment. Also because Beyonce sucks and needs everything filtered through a super computer that could make Stephen Hawking sound like Michael Crawford. (fox news)

‘THE CANYONS’ – has now been rejected by the Sundance Film Festival and SXSW, meaning that even the promise of Lindsay Lohan doing fully naked sex scenes can’t get them a release date. Maybe they should change their approach and say Lindsay isn’t naked after all, and you never see her saggy freckled tits even once, and replacing all her scenes with this Kate Upton gif. (hollywood reporter)

GREGORY MATTHEW BRUNI – was arrested in North Fort Myers, Florida, for taking his clothes off, breaking into a strangers home, masturbating, and taking a shit on the floor twice. Of course if the cops could explain how he’s supposed to masturbate and shit on the floor with his clothes on, I’d love to hear it. (huff post)

ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY – is hot. I think. Or maybe not. Sometimes, like here, she looks great, but in real life it’s hard to tell. Especially since she got new drapes. What are those fucking things, lead? (marks and spencer lingerie photoshoot spring 2013)

Jennifer Aniston is engaged

By brendon August 13, 2012 @ 10:14 AM

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It’s been almost 9 years since Angelina Jolie replaced Nicole Kidman in ‘Mr. and Mrs. Smith’, which is where Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie met which led to him divorcing Jennifer Aniston because Angelina Jolie is better than Jennifer Aniston in every possible way. 9 years.

And yet Aniston STILL talks about Pitt ALL the time. Or moves in next door to him. Or scouts places for her wedding (even though she’s not engaged) 10 days after he proposed to Jolie. And when she finally does get engaged, which happened Friday, it’s one day before Pitt and Jolie were rumored to get married.

So is that all a coincidence or is there a pattern? I simply don’t know, I’m not the Mentalist. What I do know is that Pitt has been dating Jolie all this time, while Aniston has dated Vince Vaughn, Paul Sculfor, Josh Hopkins, Chris Gartin, Harry Morton, Jason Lewis, Kevin Connelly, John Mayer, Gerard Butler, and Justin Theroux. She’ll date literally anyone. Girls who marry inmates that they met online have more dignity.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are getting married tomorrow

By brendon August 10, 2012 @ 7:31 PM

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Or at least that’s what a bunch of French tabloids, and now the Sun, are saying today, claiming preparations have been going on at their mansion in southern France for the past three days in time for a wedding tomorrow, which will also be the 50th wedding anniversary of Pitts parents.

They also note that George Clooney–one of the very few celebrities that would be invited to what would likely be a very small wedding with 20 or so guests–is already in Italy, just about a one hour flight away.

None of which means this is true. It might be but who knows. X17 sent a photographer to drive around their estate and they say there’s no sign of any preparations for a wedding. So they’re not getting married on the street outside their gates or on the roof of their house, we can definitely rule that out.

okay now this is better

By brendon June 20, 2012 @ 3:13 PM

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Angelina Jolie filmed some more scenes for ‘Maleficient’ in Buckinghamshire today, and although the set has more bright and cheerful daisies than I thought the scary witch movie would have, at least her costume looks better than it did in yesterdays promo pic. It’s safe to assume that at some point today someone said, “Oohhh, so that’s what horns look like.”

(image source = splash)

it’s Angelina Jolie as Maleficent

By brendon June 19, 2012 @ 6:26 PM

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Angeline Jolie has just begun filming in the title role of Disney’s ‘Maleficent’ (the evil witch from ‘Sleeping Beauty’), and even though the release date isn’t until March 14, 2014, today we got our first look at her (full size picture here).

I assumed this would be a special effects extravaganza, but they couldn’t even do horns that looked like horns and not dead little feet of a unequal conjoined twin, so I’ll go ahead and lower my expectations.

Brad and Angelina aren’t getting married anytime soon

By brendon May 22, 2012 @ 1:41 PM

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While in Cannes to promote his mob hitman movie ‘Killing Them Softly‘, Brad Pitt was of course asked about his engagement to Angelina Jolie, because that’s ever so fascinating. Imagine, two people dating for 7 years and then getting engaged. It’s a once in a lifetime event we’re witnessing here.

The LA Times says…

We know Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are getting married, we just don’t know when, and if Pitt is to be believed, neither do they.
Are they just trying to fool the paparazzi?  That would be smart. But Pitt insisted that he and Jolie had not set a date — “actually, really, truly” no date. 

This is apropos of nothing but I bet these pictures of Brad Pitt are what Vince Neil thinks he looks like.