ANGELINA IS NO HERO

By brendon January 11, 2007 @ 10:27 AM

Despite being an vocal proponent of adoption and specifically adopting from impoverished nations, Angelina Jolie is now facing heat from adoption advocates.  Jolie criticized the way Madonna adopted a baby boy from Africa, suggesting she didn’t go through the proper channels, but didn’t mention that she used a agency recently found guilty of fraud when adopting her son Maddox from Cambodia.  Page Six says:

"Angelina is not a hero in the adoption community," (a source said) "she does nothing, or at least very little, to keep international adoption open and legal for American families and children."  When Jolie adopted Maddox in 2002, she used Seattle International Adoptions, run by Lauryn Galindo – who was found guilty two years later of visa fraud and money laundering related to Cambodian adoptions … after Jolie's adoption scandal, Cambodia closed its doors, and many families who were waiting to acquire children were left empty-handed.

Everyones real concern of course is how this will effect sex tours and our sexual predators in Cambodia.  I'll let you know what they say at the meeting.  I got an IM earlier from Big14U and he said this was total bullshit, then he sent the frowny face, so its obviously pretty bad.  Stay tuned to Tyler for all the breaking news!



SHILOH JOLIE WAS AN ACCIDENT

By brendon January 10, 2007 @ 12:58 PM

Angelina Jolie tells ElleUK that she never planned on getting pregnant and starting a family with Brad Pitt.  Basically, it was an accident.  Hello Magazine says:

"I wasn't planning on getting pregnant.  I'm the one that got knocked up.  Some men have kids when they're not ready and some men know they want to take it seriously and wait until they're absolutely ready.  You could say Brad changed me."

And there's more good news for Shiloh.  Not only was she an accident, but her mom loves her less than her two adopted siblings:

"I think I feel so much more for Madd and Zee because they're survivors, they came through so much.  Shiloh seemed so privileged from the moment she was born. I'm conscious that I have to make sure I don't ignore her needs, just because I think the others are more vulnerable."

"More vulnerable"?  What the hell is she talking about?  The only thing Maddox is vulnerable to is getting laid at 13.  In a recent survey of 13-year-olds who were me, 100 percent of the people who responded said "voom voom" as they played with a toy light saber.  Yeah, this kids got problems all right.  Like me and me steely blue eyes,  they're so blue women get swept away and can't contain their passion.  Also my penis is so big I have to wear special pants and can't ride a bike.  Oh woe is me!



ANGELINA HATES MADONNA

By brendon January 08, 2007 @ 10:21 AM

Angelina Jolie has come out and criticized Madonna’s adoption of an African baby, calling it illegal and saying she was shocked that Madonna would take a baby boy out of a country where his father still lives.  She is also offended that Madonna would visit “an impoverished African country with the sole intention of choosing an infant.”  Angelina says:

'Madonna knew the situation in Malawi, where he was born.  It's a country where there is no real legal framework for adoption.  Personally, I prefer to stay on the right side of the law. I would never take a child away from a place where adoption is illegal.'

I’m not saying we should kill Madonna, but I’m not not saying we should kill Madonna.  At the very least we should freeze her until they find a cure for whatever it is that makes people egomaniac bitches.  It's pretty much the same thing as killing her, but probably legal becuase it sounds all sciencey.



ANGELINA KINDA SORTA HAS A POINT

By brendon December 19, 2006 @ 5:13 PM

Angelina Jolie says that adoptive parents are more fit than natural parents because of the rigorous screening process they have to go through to get a child.  Angelina says:

"It should be hard to be a parent period. I go through many things to adopt.  I'm finger-printed, I'm checked, I go through home studies. I have to prove I'm a decent citizen; a good human being. That didn't happen to me when I gave birth, so it's interesting that there's no background check when you bring a child into your home in that way."

Once I kidnap Paris Hilton and fill her vagina with cement so she can never have kids, I picture a world of rainbows and a big smiling sun and people frolicking through a gumdrop meadow with a dancing candy cane on one hand and a baby tiger in a little football payer outfit on the other.  Some people really shouldn't have kids, and the world is filled with an alarming number of parents who are complete and total fuckups.  That being said, its probably dumb to make a blanket statement like adoptive parents are more fit than natural parents.  Angelina was still certifiably insane when she adopted Maddox, and everyone knows she only got him because she's rich, famous and she was in Cambodia.  In Cambodia you can get a free baby with 8 gallons of gas.



AWWW…

By brendon December 08, 2006 @ 5:23 PM

The Post Gazette says that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie took time out from making cobra proof clothes to take a tour of Fallingwater, the famous house in southwestern Pennsylvania designed in 1935 by architect Frank Lloyd Wright.  The daytrip was part of Angelina's birthday present to Brad, who turns 43 next week.  Cara Armstrong, Fallingwater's Curator of Education, said:

"Brad said he had wanted to experience Fallingwater ever since he took an architectural history course in college.  He and I talked quite a bit about design and art. He was incredibly well informed about architecture.  (They were) very gracious and very engaged in the house. As we say in the Midwest, you could tell their mothers raised them right.  Brad said he had a visual sense of Fallingwater but experiencing it in person, hearing the sound of the waterfall cascading under the house and smelling the wood from the fireplace, was better than anything he could have imagined."

After the tour, Jolie had champagne and caviar sent in, which the couple shared in a private birthday celebration in Fallingwater's living room. Afterward, they invited the staff to join them.  "He's so hard to buy for," Jolie told the staff.

If these two were any cuter, Angelina would have given birth to a baby panda in a little cowboy outfit.



A CHRISTMAS WEDDING?

By brendon December 08, 2006 @ 11:41 AM

The Daily Mail and OK Magazine say that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are planning a Christmas wedding in a small village outside Johannesburg, South Africa.  The Mail says:

"They are treating their marriage like a spiritual affirmation and don't need big Hollywood glitz like Tom Cruise had in Italy."   The ceremony will include traditional African music and will be "simple and elegant", a friend of the couple told US magazine OK!   "They are so much in love.  Brad and Angelina have waited a long time for this chapter in their lives to unfold."

Guests are expected to include Madonna and husband Guy Ritchie, George Clooney and new James Bond Daniel Craig, as well as Oprah Winfrey, who suggested the African village where the ceremony may be held.

An insider said: "Ange is grateful to have a big sister in Oprah, a person who understands her fears of commitment but is also a kindred spirit."

God it never lets up with this chick.  Africa Africa Africa.  Yeah, I get Angie, you're better than I am.  You want to help.  But Brad just wants to fuck you.  That's why he never did this stuff before.  So stop dragging him all over the globe to the worst places on earth every time theres a problem like you're the superfriends.  The dude is crossing rivers of fire and fighting flying dragons just to prove himself to you, would it really kill you to give him a weekend at Pebble Beach, in a town where the "just married" limousines are actual cars and not just the biggest turtle.