By brendon March 23, 2007 @ 3:23 PM

Casey Johnson – the New York socialite whose grandfather founded Johnson & Johnson – says she is in the process of adopting a baby girl from Kazakhstan ("is nice") because she wasn't able to adopt a baby from Cambodia.  And she feels Angelina Jolie is to blame.  Page Six says:

"I went to Cambodia almost two years ago [and] fell in love with this little girl, a 21/2-year-old named Lavissa," Johnson says.  But then she got the bad news that an adoption wasn't possible because of tight new adoption laws: "I was devastated because I had bonded for three weeks with this child. I was buying her clothes in Cambodia. I was videoing her. I was doing everything."  In 2001, Jolie adopted her first child, Maddox, from Cambodia with then-husband Billy Bob Thornton, but the Third World nation later cut off adoptions by foreigners amid accusations by child-welfare advocates of corrupt, babies-for-cash scams.

Casey and Page Six may indirectly blame Angelina, but my spies tell me that the reason Johnson wasn't able to adopt and Angelina was is because her lips aren’t pouty and kissable, and her breasts aren’t smooth and supple.  "They're not supple at all", said a source I just made up.  

(slow day?  why yes, yes it is.  and so we're down to this.  but who gives a shit since there's an uhq of that old but awesome angelina picture here.  look – tits!)


By brendon March 21, 2007 @ 12:30 PM

People magazine won the bidding war and will publish the first official photo shoot of Angelina Jolie and her newly adopted son, Pax Thien Jolie.  The magazine should be out Friday.  Radar Online says:

We hear the price tag was between $1.75 million and $2 million, with Getty Images, which brokered the deal, taking a fee of between 5 and 10 percent. A People spokesperson calls that number "absurd," but adds, "We don't comment on the specifics on any negotiations."

This is pretty much standard for Jolie at this point,.  She sells pictures and then donates all the money to charity.  A producer friend told me once Jolie will call the tabloids and paparazzi ahead of time and tell them where she'll be so she can sell the pictures.  And somehow that's okay.  Oh, but when I call Angelina and offer to sell her panties back, the pair she threw away, suddenly I'm the bad guy.  Suddenly the cops have to be involved.  Suddenly I have to “come out of that tree” and “put my pants back on” and “get a towel and clean that up”.  Whatever.  This is just another story the liberal media is trying to spin to keep you from hearing the truth, man.


By brendon March 16, 2007 @ 10:30 AM

It would seem Pax Thien Jolie has cleared the last hurdle and is now the official adopted son of Angelina Jolie.  They new addition to the family was previously reported to arrive in the United States this weekend but it may be as early as tonight.  He was issued a passport (picture above) and is now free to travel.  Jolie has kept relatively quiet on the whole affair as she seems more and more concerned about the spotlight that is shined on her family wherever she goes.  Jolie says:

"I will stay at home to help Pax adjust to his new life.  I have four children and caring for them is the most important thing for me at the moment. I am very proud and happy to be their mother … Photographs and press coverage will make (Pax) upset. I'm very worried about that. I would like to say I'm sorry for bringing this into Pax's life."

Sorry?  She just delivered this kid from a Vietnamese orphanage to a lifetime of opulence and splendor.  Based on my awesome level of jingoism, I'm pretty sure Vietnam sucks.  Last night he slept on a bed stuffed with bones and hay and ate a stew made from rocks and hair, but today he’ll fly to his new house on an 80 million dollar private jet and “mom“ is the hottest piece of ass on the planet.  The only thing she needs to apologize for is the kid may pass out from squealing with delight.


By brendon March 15, 2007 @ 1:18 AM

Angelina Jolie has successfully completed the adoption process for her new son and they could be back in the United States as early as tomorrow.  The three-year-old boy was picked up late last night after Jolie received the official adoption agreement from the Vietnamese orphanage where the boy has been residing since November of 2003.  The only remaining hurdle is for Jolie to meet with U.S. consular officials who must review the adoption before a passport can be issued for the boy. says:

Vietnamese press claim that that the boy is named Pham Quang Sang and will be renamed Pax Thien Jolie. Pax means "peace" in Latin and Thien is "sky" in Vietnamese. Local press also reports that Jolie's new son cried and hid during the official ceremony, and that the actress comforted him in Vietnamese. Jolie's other adopted son, Maddox, was also present.  Jolie and her two children finished the ceremony by 10 a.m. local time and then returned to their hotel.

Man, this kid is so lucky.  Most people cant pull off wearing rainbow socks, but he makes it look cool.  Then again, a recent poll of one Vietnamese guy I saw in a movie on Showtime revealed that 100 percent of Vietnamese people plan their criminal activities while walking with a tiger around the pool in a silver thong and mirrored sunglasses, so, based on my awesome level of racism, there’s really no limit to the fashion daring of these people.


By brendon March 14, 2007 @ 11:33 AM

Angelina Jolie arrived in Ho Chi Minh City today – without Brad Pitt but with her son Maddox -  to adopt a 3-year-old boy from Vietnam. Although earlier reports said the adoption would not go through until the end of the month, Us Weekly is now reporting Jolie may leave with the boy as soon as tonight.  If they do leave today, they could be back in the United States by this weekend. says:

Jolie is scheduled to attend an adoption ceremony with Vietnamese officials in HMC City on Thursday morning … After she receives the child, Jolie will meet with U.S. consular officials, who must review the adoption before a passport can be issued for the boy.  If all goes according to plan, the 31-year-old actress could bring the child home by the weekend, officials told the AP.

Aww this lucky bastard.  He gets to live with Angelina Jolie.  I was just planning on digging up her grave after she dies, but his idea seems much better.


By brendon March 13, 2007 @ 10:16 AM

Angelina Jolie will be able to pick up her newly adopted Vietnamese son faster than expected because her application is being processed so quickly.  The three year old boy – who was abandoned at a Ho Chi Minh City Hospital as a baby and then taken to a nearby orphanage where he has lived ever since – may arrive in as little as three weeks.  Sky News says:

"He is in good health, but he's a little bit shy.  He gets along well with other children and loves to play football."

Aww this little bastard.  He’s a dude and now he gets to go live with Angelina Jolie.  I bet he signed whatever he had to and dotted the I's with little hearts.  If I were this kid I would act up 8 times a day until I got a spanking.  And to show her how sorry I was I would show up with a ball gag in my mouth whenever it was time to be disciplined.  Please believe me when I tell you that Angelina Jolie could breath fire and I would still beg her for a blow job.