its Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitts parents

By brendon December 05, 2011 @ 5:08 PM

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Even though Brad Pitt wasn’t around, Angelina Jolie spent much of the weekend in New York with their 6 kids and his parents, Bill and Jane Pitt. Angelina even went shopping with Jane. Which is something that would freak me out. I don’t like my girlfriend spending time alone with my mom. One wrong question and this elaborate web of lies I’ve spun could come completely apart.

(image source = splash)

Angelina Jolie is still crazy or something

By brendon November 23, 2011 @ 3:46 PM

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Angelina Jolie certainly doesn’t seem as crazy as she used to be, but according to In Touch and an imaginary source they made up, yes, Angelina Jolie is still as crazy as she used to be.

“She tries to hide it, but she has a crazy side to her that’s beyond just being quirky. In the end, she just can’t hide the crazy.”
Though she’s no longer cutting herself the way she used to as a troubled youth, the friend says that Angelina is still fascinated by blood.
“When Angelina’s kids get cuts and scrapes, she saves their discarded bandages in a large jar. She thinks she’s being edgy and artistic, but to others, she just seems weird.”

They also say Angelina locks herself in the basement every day and exercises for hours at a time to escape her family, and then at night she locks her kids in their bedroom so she can get drunk. So how does she still find time to update her scab and band-aid jars? She really has a full plate.

Brad and Angelina donated $340,000

By brendon October 10, 2011 @ 4:25 PM

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie proved once again they they’re among the nicest people in Hollywood by donating $340,000 to pay for health care for homeless kids in Somalia, who is suffering their worst famine in 60 years. Too bad there isn’t a large body of water around. With some fish in it. Like an ocean. Somewhere below India. An “Indian Ocean”, if you will.

(seriously, how can you be in a famine? You border an ocean, EAT THE FISH YOU FINICKY BASTARDS!!!)

(daily mail)

Angelina and Pax took a flying lesson

By brendon September 23, 2011 @ 11:57 AM

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Angelina Jolie and her son Pax took a flying lesson In Hampshire, England today (though I’m sure Jennifer Aniston was doing something just as interesting). Wait, isn’t Pax the Vietnamese one? His willage tried to kill my dad, I’m not so sure we should be teaching them how to fly. You’re on a short leash you treacherous yellow cunt!

(image source = flynet)

Jennifer Aniston demanded an apology

By brendon September 21, 2011 @ 12:24 PM

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Long story short; Jennifer Aniston is a dull witted bore, and Brad Pitt insinuated as much in Parade magazine, which of course made her go all apeshit. Us says

Brad Pitt made a big-time boo-boo (in) a Parade interview in which he casually slammed his five-year marriage to Jennifer Aniston
And, yes, his 42-year-old ex-wife got wind of the catty comment. “She was annoyed,” a pal (said). “She thought it was rude and inappropriate.”
Team Aniston — her agent and publicists — “went ballistic” and angrily reached out to Pitt’s camp.
“They got his team involved and Brad was read the riot act.”
Within 24 hours, Pitt had surprisingly released a statement lamenting that his words were misinterpreted, and that his former love “is an incredibly giving, loving and hilarious woman.”
Still, the Pitt source says, “no one believes his words were taken out of context — he said what he said. I do hear that he’s remorseful.”
And although Pitt is clearly blissed out with Jolie, 36, and their six kids, “We think he’s jealous she’s in love,” the source says.

Hahaha, hahaha. Yeah, yeah that’s totally it. Brad Pitt is jealous of Anistons C-list boyfriend who’s name I dont feel like looking up because who cares. And the Patriots are jealous of the Chiefs too. By the way, name anything Jennifer Aniston has ever done that was interesting in any way. For example, here are some things Angelina Jolie has done in the past 12 months:

– Secretly went to Ramstein Air Force base in Germany to visit injured American troops (more).
– Visited the Tunisian-Libyan border as part of her role as a UN ambassador (more).
– Went to Pakistan with the UN Human Refugee Agency “to draw the world’s attention towards the plight of 21 million people affected by the country’s worst-ever floods.” (more)
– Moved out of their mansion in France and into a mansion in Scotland (more).

And here’s a list for Aniston…

– Got ripped off by a vending machine.
– Saw a pelican.

Brad Pitt has some nerve!

BREAKING NEWS: Jennifer Aniston is dull

By brendon September 15, 2011 @ 4:46 PM

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In an interview that comes out this weekend in Parade magazine, Brad Pitt confirms what everyone already suspected; that Jennifer Aniston is a soul-crushing bore.

After saying how he loves his life now (with Angelina Jolie and their 6 kids) he adds that wasn’t always the case.

“I spent the ’90s trying to hide out, trying to duck the full celebrity cacophony,” he admits. “I started to get sick of myself sitting on a couch, holding a joint, hiding out. It started feeling pathetic. It became very clear to me that I was intent on trying to find a movie about an interesting life, but I wasn’t living an interesting life myself.”
“I think that my marriage had something to do with it. Trying to pretend the marriage was something that it wasn’t.”

Ahem…

“…I wasn’t living an interesting life … I think that my marriage had something to do with it.”

Oohh, you don’t say. You didn’t want to talk about her haircut anymore? That’s hard to believe. As soon as she said she had to use the restroom on our very first date I would have run out of the restaurant like Indiana Jones diving out of the cave right before that big boulder got him.