Angelina and Pax took a flying lesson

By brendon September 23, 2011 @ 11:57 AM

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Angelina Jolie and her son Pax took a flying lesson In Hampshire, England today (though I’m sure Jennifer Aniston was doing something just as interesting). Wait, isn’t Pax the Vietnamese one? His willage tried to kill my dad, I’m not so sure we should be teaching them how to fly. You’re on a short leash you treacherous yellow cunt!

(image source = flynet)

Jennifer Aniston demanded an apology

By brendon September 21, 2011 @ 12:24 PM

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Long story short; Jennifer Aniston is a dull witted bore, and Brad Pitt insinuated as much in Parade magazine, which of course made her go all apeshit. Us says

Brad Pitt made a big-time boo-boo (in) a Parade interview in which he casually slammed his five-year marriage to Jennifer Aniston
And, yes, his 42-year-old ex-wife got wind of the catty comment. “She was annoyed,” a pal (said). “She thought it was rude and inappropriate.”
Team Aniston — her agent and publicists — “went ballistic” and angrily reached out to Pitt’s camp.
“They got his team involved and Brad was read the riot act.”
Within 24 hours, Pitt had surprisingly released a statement lamenting that his words were misinterpreted, and that his former love “is an incredibly giving, loving and hilarious woman.”
Still, the Pitt source says, “no one believes his words were taken out of context — he said what he said. I do hear that he’s remorseful.”
And although Pitt is clearly blissed out with Jolie, 36, and their six kids, “We think he’s jealous she’s in love,” the source says.

Hahaha, hahaha. Yeah, yeah that’s totally it. Brad Pitt is jealous of Anistons C-list boyfriend who’s name I dont feel like looking up because who cares. And the Patriots are jealous of the Chiefs too. By the way, name anything Jennifer Aniston has ever done that was interesting in any way. For example, here are some things Angelina Jolie has done in the past 12 months:

– Secretly went to Ramstein Air Force base in Germany to visit injured American troops (more).
– Visited the Tunisian-Libyan border as part of her role as a UN ambassador (more).
– Went to Pakistan with the UN Human Refugee Agency “to draw the world’s attention towards the plight of 21 million people affected by the country’s worst-ever floods.” (more)
– Moved out of their mansion in France and into a mansion in Scotland (more).

And here’s a list for Aniston…

– Got ripped off by a vending machine.
– Saw a pelican.

Brad Pitt has some nerve!

BREAKING NEWS: Jennifer Aniston is dull

By brendon September 15, 2011 @ 4:46 PM

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In an interview that comes out this weekend in Parade magazine, Brad Pitt confirms what everyone already suspected; that Jennifer Aniston is a soul-crushing bore.

After saying how he loves his life now (with Angelina Jolie and their 6 kids) he adds that wasn’t always the case.

“I spent the ’90s trying to hide out, trying to duck the full celebrity cacophony,” he admits. “I started to get sick of myself sitting on a couch, holding a joint, hiding out. It started feeling pathetic. It became very clear to me that I was intent on trying to find a movie about an interesting life, but I wasn’t living an interesting life myself.”
“I think that my marriage had something to do with it. Trying to pretend the marriage was something that it wasn’t.”

Ahem…

“…I wasn’t living an interesting life … I think that my marriage had something to do with it.”

Oohh, you don’t say. You didn’t want to talk about her haircut anymore? That’s hard to believe. As soon as she said she had to use the restroom on our very first date I would have run out of the restaurant like Indiana Jones diving out of the cave right before that big boulder got him.

Brad Pitt is getting better taste

By brendon August 22, 2011 @ 4:30 PM

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For about a month now tabloids have been trying to make something of the fact that Brad Pitts assistant on the set of ‘World War Z’ is a sorta hot brunette named Lara Marsden. Now they’ve even found her myspace (thanks for making it impossible to delete your fucking myspace, btw) and posted a bunch of pictures of her in a bikini and making coffee in her underwear. Which is all the proof I need that Pitt and Marsden are having an affair. He’s in love with her, and she’s probably pregnant and they’re gonna get married. What are you, blind.

(image source = flynet)

Friday headlines, with Kim Kardashians wedding dress

By brendon August 19, 2011 @ 12:07 PM

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ANGELINA JOLIE AND BRAD PITT – have moved their family into a 16th century mansion in Glasgow, Scotland. Thanks to Zahara, the area around their house is now known as, “the black neighborhood.” (people)

KAT VON D AND JESSE JAMES – are apparently engaged again. “Come to think of it we’re not that great is this is probably the best we’re gonna do,” they no doubt reasoned correctly. (huff post)

ROBERT DOWNEY JR – will produce a movie about the sinking of the USS Indianapolis, which is one of the scariest true stories I can think of. Cliff Notes: in 1945, after delivering the uranium for the atomic bomb that was dropped on Hiroshima 10 days later, it was sunk by a Japanese torpedo. 330 crewman died, 880 went into the water. Over the next 4 days, 554 of those 880 died, mostly because they were dragged under one by one and eaten by sharks. Which is how I hope I die. It sounds peaceful. (thr)

KIM KARDASHIAN – revealed the dress she’ll wear at her wedding this Saturday on a wax figure at Madame Tussauds in Hollywood. It was really touching. What could be more romantic than to see your wifes wedding gown for the first time in between mannequins of Donkey Kong and Chris Jericho. (e!, wenn)

guess who Jennifer Aniston is talking about

By brendon July 07, 2011 @ 3:42 PM

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It seems like just yesterday that Brad Pitt left Jennifer Aniston, and that’s because she won’t shut the fuck up about it. In reality it was 7 years ago.

And now, celebuzz says “she recently opened up about her infamous divorce during her Inside the Actor’s Studio appearance.” Ohh, did she really? I bet they had to torture her to make her talk about that!

When asked about ‘The Break Up’, her hit 2006 romantic comedy, Jennifer admits the film helped her overcome the devastating end of her five-year marriage to Pitt.
“It was a beautiful human story about a couple breaking up…You know, I was slightly familiar on the topic and the issue. I honestly felt like, what a great way to sort of exorcise some of that.”
…she insisted her personal heartache made the role “easier” to do. “I was like, ‘Why not?’ Turn the page, let’s move on,” she recalled.

And so she did! Unfortunately, the next page also said to talk about Brad Pitt. And do interviews about Brad Pitt, and cry on movie sets about Brad Pitt, and admit you keep Brad Pitts voice on your phone. All these pages can be found in a book called, ‘Angelina Jolie Is A Whore And I Hate Her And I Want My Brad Back And I Swear Brad I’ll Do Anything I Just Want You Back Please Please Take Me Back’.