Jennifer Aniston is distancing herself from Chelsea Handler

By brendon December 22, 2010 @ 4:49 PM

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When we last saw Jennifer Aniston, she was pouting (shocking, I know) about Chelsea Handler calling Angelina Jolie a “cunt”, immediately after Handler and Aniston went on vacation together. Apparently Aniston thought everyone would assume they spent the vacation trashing Angelina. And 10 points to Aniston, because she was correct, and that is in fact what everyone thinks.

Now, Popeater says Aniston has done what she does best: excruciating amounts of soul searching followed by feeling sorry for herself.

“Jen and Chelsea haven’t officially fallen out but they certainly won’t be going on vacation together for a long time unless Chelsea promises to never talk about Angelina again,” a friend of Chelsea’s tells me. “She understands that what Chelsea did was out of loyalty, but it didn’t help. In fact, it made things worse.”
“Jen is a very private person. It’s one thing to crash Angelina in private; it’s another to do it in public. Chelsea should have known better and is feeling Jen’s cold shoulder for her mistake.”

No, Jen is not a very private person. That’s why we’re still talking about this. Because she cried about Brad Pitt Brad Pitt Brad Pitt to anyone who would listen for 5 years. You could record every single word Pitt says for an entire year, and if you didn’t know any better, you’d swear he’d never even met Jennifer Ansiton.

Brad and Angelina might be getting married. Here.

By brendon December 17, 2010 @ 1:58 PM

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Every few months there’s a story either saying Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are getting married or that they literally hate each other. Today it seems we’ve landed on… “married”! In Jodhpur, India. Splash says…

The couple has apparently chosen their spiritual guru Ram Lal Siyag to supervise their wedding. Siyag and his disciples have neither confirmed nor denied these rumours. Siyag practices Siddha yoga, and is said to have played harmoniser in the life of this power couple. He has visited the couple in America and provided guidance and clarity for the two.

Apparently there’s no real date set, just sometime in 2011. But, I mean, is this even a real marriage? Because it sounds about as legally binding as a “Worlds Greatest Grandpa” t-shirt.

Angelina Jolie is a good actress

By brendon December 14, 2010 @ 8:05 PM

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Angelina Jolie recieved a Golden Globe nomination today (full nominee list, rightfully prefaced by saying these awards are a complete sham bought and paid for by the studios, here) an nomination so dumb even she’s laughing about it, but more importantly, today a still from Wanted somehow arrived online, showing Angelinas naked and beautiful ass, a scene that was edited in the movie so you didn’t see it.

Suffice to say that was a terrible decision. Her ass is so wonderful, it’s probably the best proof yet that God exists.

Brad Pitt has the right idea

By brendon December 07, 2010 @ 10:57 AM

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Last night was the big New York premiere for the Tourist, starring Angelina Jolie and Johny Depp, and when Jolie walked the red carpet with her lover Brad Pitt, he spent most of the time with his hand planted right on her luscious ass.

Meanwhile, over in LA, Jennifer Aniston made a little bow tie and top hat for her cats wedding this weekend. Lookin’ good, Mr. Boots!

Chelsea Handler called Angelina Jolie a “f***ing c***.”

By brendon December 06, 2010 @ 12:02 PM

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Chelsea Handler (who was sleeping with the president of E when she got her talk show. which is on E. what a coincidence!) was in Mexico last week, spending her Thanksgiving vacation with new BFF Jennifer Aniston. Gee, I wonder what they talked about. Us.com says…

“(Angelina Jolie is) a homewrecker,” Handler, 35 (*), said.
“She can rescue as many babies from as many countries as she wants. I don’t f***ing believe you. She gives interviews, ‘I don’t have a lot of female friends.’ Because you’re a f***ing c*** ,” Handler bellowed.
“You’re a f***ing b***h!”

7 years. It’s been 7 god damn years since Jolie was cast in Mr and Mrs Smith. And yet, here we are. What’s more likely, that Jolie seduced Pitt, or that Aniston is an unstable asshole and drove Pitt away. It’s not his fault she can’t keep a boyfriend. On the bright side, if that bitter old bitches pussy gets any more neglected and ignored maybe Angelina will adopt it.

(*) 35? seriously? jesus christ she might as well have said 18.

Brad and Angelina and thier kids are adorable

By brendon November 05, 2010 @ 7:01 PM

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Angelina Jolie is still in Budapest making her debut as a director, but today she took a break and she and Brad Pitt and their army of kids went to a park with all kinds of things to climb and even a zip line for Shiloh. And it was adorable. It was so saccharine it hurts my teeth just looking at it. They might as well adopt a baby panda and a tiger cub and dress them up in a little cowboy hat and a football player outfit.