Angelina Jolie is in Libya

By brendon April 05, 2011 @ 2:39 PM

64216495

I quickly wanna preface this with what Jennifer Aniston said when explaining why she spent her 41st birthday at a palatial resort in Mexico.

“(A friend) said to me, ’You come to Mexico all the time and Mexico is really hurting right now because of the swine flu and the drug trafficking and all of this sort of stuff.”
“It sort of made sense to sort of say ‘Hey, let’s help out Mexico’”

Okay now this, today, from Us

Angelina Jolie traveled to the Tunisian-Libyan border, where she spoke with refugees who had recently fled the fighting in Libya.
The purpose of Jolie’s visit to the embattled region: to highlight the need for greater international support for those affected by the crisis in Libya.
The Jolie-Pitt Foundation, established by Jolie and longtime love Brad Pitt in 2006, covered the costs for a flight of 177 people to return to their countries of origin– and purchased an ambulance to help support Tunisian efforts on the border to assist the injured arriving from Libya.

Some people still hate Angelina because she “stole” Pitt from Aniston, and never consider that maybe Aniston is just an annoying cunt and he left her for someone who is better in every way. In Anistons defense, her name is so synonymous with the word “bomb” maybe she’d like to go help in the Middle East but they won’t let her on a plane.

(image source = getty)

the new Tomb Raider movie will have a new Tomb Raider

By brendon March 08, 2011 @ 2:29 PM

angelina_jolie_tomb_raider

E-harmony rejected my profile because I said I was looking for a super hot girl with long hair and big tits who dresses slutty. I should have bought the rights to the Tomb Raider franchise because then I could have put that exact same thing in Entertainment Weekly.

Producer Graham King (The Departed, The Town) announced today that he’s acquired the film rights to Lara Croft, and plans to reboot the Tomb Raider franchise … (he) intends to bring her back to theaters in 2013. 
King describes the new plan in a press release as a “reboot.” He knows Jolie well, having recently worked with her on The Tourist, but she hasn’t expressed much interest in returning to the character.

Jolie was 25 in the first Tomb Raider in 2001, and 27 in the second one in 2003, but Harrison Ford is 90 and they put him in Indiana Jones 4. His punches looked like a cat trying to swim and they made a whole movie about it.

Angelina Jolie at the Golden Globes

By brendon January 17, 2011 @ 1:04 PM

63074122

It’s a free country, and Angelina Jolie can wear whatever she wants, but we should change that. Because this shit is ridiculous.

(image source = getty)

Jennifer Aniston is distancing herself from Chelsea Handler

By brendon December 22, 2010 @ 4:49 PM

jennifer-aniston_010

When we last saw Jennifer Aniston, she was pouting (shocking, I know) about Chelsea Handler calling Angelina Jolie a “cunt”, immediately after Handler and Aniston went on vacation together. Apparently Aniston thought everyone would assume they spent the vacation trashing Angelina. And 10 points to Aniston, because she was correct, and that is in fact what everyone thinks.

Now, Popeater says Aniston has done what she does best: excruciating amounts of soul searching followed by feeling sorry for herself.

“Jen and Chelsea haven’t officially fallen out but they certainly won’t be going on vacation together for a long time unless Chelsea promises to never talk about Angelina again,” a friend of Chelsea’s tells me. “She understands that what Chelsea did was out of loyalty, but it didn’t help. In fact, it made things worse.”
“Jen is a very private person. It’s one thing to crash Angelina in private; it’s another to do it in public. Chelsea should have known better and is feeling Jen’s cold shoulder for her mistake.”

No, Jen is not a very private person. That’s why we’re still talking about this. Because she cried about Brad Pitt Brad Pitt Brad Pitt to anyone who would listen for 5 years. You could record every single word Pitt says for an entire year, and if you didn’t know any better, you’d swear he’d never even met Jennifer Ansiton.

Brad and Angelina might be getting married. Here.

By brendon December 17, 2010 @ 1:58 PM

SPL235185_001

Every few months there’s a story either saying Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are getting married or that they literally hate each other. Today it seems we’ve landed on… “married”! In Jodhpur, India. Splash says…

The couple has apparently chosen their spiritual guru Ram Lal Siyag to supervise their wedding. Siyag and his disciples have neither confirmed nor denied these rumours. Siyag practices Siddha yoga, and is said to have played harmoniser in the life of this power couple. He has visited the couple in America and provided guidance and clarity for the two.

Apparently there’s no real date set, just sometime in 2011. But, I mean, is this even a real marriage? Because it sounds about as legally binding as a “Worlds Greatest Grandpa” t-shirt.

Angelina Jolie is a good actress

By brendon December 14, 2010 @ 8:05 PM

angelina_jolie_naked_ass_wanted

Angelina Jolie recieved a Golden Globe nomination today (full nominee list, rightfully prefaced by saying these awards are a complete sham bought and paid for by the studios, here) an nomination so dumb even she’s laughing about it, but more importantly, today a still from Wanted somehow arrived online, showing Angelinas naked and beautiful ass, a scene that was edited in the movie so you didn’t see it.

Suffice to say that was a terrible decision. Her ass is so wonderful, it’s probably the best proof yet that God exists.