By brendon December 07, 2010 @ 10:57 AM
Last night was the big New York premiere for the Tourist, starring Angelina Jolie and Johny Depp, and when Jolie walked the red carpet with her lover Brad Pitt, he spent most of the time with his hand planted right on her luscious ass.
Meanwhile, over in LA, Jennifer Aniston made a little bow tie and top hat for her cats wedding this weekend. Lookin’ good, Mr. Boots!
By brendon December 06, 2010 @ 12:02 PM
Chelsea Handler (who was sleeping with the president of E when she got her talk show. which is on E. what a coincidence!) was in Mexico last week, spending her Thanksgiving vacation with new BFF Jennifer Aniston. Gee, I wonder what they talked about. Us.com says…
“(Angelina Jolie is) a homewrecker,” Handler, 35 (*), said.
“She can rescue as many babies from as many countries as she wants. I don’t f***ing believe you. She gives interviews, ‘I don’t have a lot of female friends.’ Because you’re a f***ing c*** ,” Handler bellowed.
“You’re a f***ing b***h!”
7 years. It’s been 7 god damn years since Jolie was cast in Mr and Mrs Smith. And yet, here we are. What’s more likely, that Jolie seduced Pitt, or that Aniston is an unstable asshole and drove Pitt away. It’s not his fault she can’t keep a boyfriend. On the bright side, if that bitter old bitches pussy gets any more neglected and ignored maybe Angelina will adopt it.
(*) 35? seriously? jesus christ she might as well have said 18.
By brendon November 05, 2010 @ 7:01 PM
Angelina Jolie is still in Budapest making her debut as a director, but today she took a break and she and Brad Pitt and their army of kids went to a park with all kinds of things to climb and even a zip line for Shiloh. And it was adorable. It was so saccharine it hurts my teeth just looking at it. They might as well adopt a baby panda and a tiger cub and dress them up in a little cowboy hat and a football player outfit.
By brendon October 13, 2010 @ 1:50 PM
Angelina Jolie is in Budapest today, making her directorial debut on a love story set during the Bosnian-Serbian war, and either she thinks genocide is funny or these two still really get along because she was giddy as a little girl when Brad Pitt showed up.
They’ve been together 7 years now, which is 8 years longer than the tabloids said they would be. Jennifer Aniston probably keeps an axe near her TV in case ‘Mr. and Mrs. Smith’ comes on, and fixates on the fact that Jolie only got the part because Nicole Kidman dropped out and Catherine Zeta Jones turned it down, but I bet Pitt would have left her for Zeta Jones or Kidman too. Why wouldn’t he? That bitch is awful. I’d rather be in a room with that thing in ‘Alien’ that lays eggs in your chest than Jennifer fucking Aniston.
(image source = splash news and inf)
By brendon September 15, 2010 @ 2:57 PM
When Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie and director Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck announced they were making ‘the Tourist’, I think we were all like, “finally.” The three of them, together at last. And then they filmed it in Paris and Venice, so I sort of assumed it was gonna be something different. Not… this.
This could have been made with Seth Rogan and Anne Hathaway and been the exact same movie. Or Katherine Heigl and Russell Brand. If Depp and Brand are ever reading the same script, Depp needs to slap whoever gave it to him. This thing is one “holding onto a priceless vase during a fight so it doesn’t break but then after the fight the girl opens the door and he’s behind it and it does break” away from being a Jackie Chan and Teri Hatcher movie.
By brendon September 07, 2010 @ 1:35 PM
As part of her work with the UN Human Refugee Agency, Angelina Jolie spent the weekend visiting Pakistan, “to draw the world’s attention towards the plight of 21 million people affected by the country’s worst-ever floods.” And I don’t know about you, but now I’m super motivated to help Pakistan. They were doing so great until this, so friendly and helpful, not insane or murderously violent at all. FAST FACT: Pakistan’s leading export is Smiles.
(seriously though, fuck these people. if I could I’d mail them a bucket of water to make the flood worse.)