When Anna Nicole Smith married oil-millionaire Howard Marshall in 1994, she was 26 and he was 89. He died just about one year later, no doubt smiling. This began the legal fight for his fortune, estimated at around 550M. Marshalls son, not unreasonably, thought Smith didn’t deserve her dads money and so he took her to court. Smith could either walk away from the money or fight for it in court. Oh and there was one more option: MURDER!!!
The FBI investigated whether Anna Nicole Smith plotted to kill her tycoon husband’s son as they battled for his father’s fortune, but the former Playboy Playmate who died in 2007 was never prosecuted.
Smith’s FBI records, obtained exclusively by The Associated Press, say the agency investigated Smith in 2000 and 2001 in a murder-for-hire plot targeting E. Pierce Marshall … (he) died three years ago of natural causes.
OR DID HE? (cue ominous “dun-dun-dun” music). Wait no. No he did die of natural causes. Because there’s zero chance Anna Nicole Smith was smart enough to orchestrate a murder, and a negative zero chance she was smart enough to hide it from the FBI. At best her plan would be to invite him over and offer him poison to drink, but when she gave it to him it would be this boiling green sludge with fog coming off the top. “No, driink it, is good. I jus’ had one so I downe really want another raght now but you should drink yurs. Go on drink it.”
ANNA NICOLE SMITH - if the actions of Howard K. Stern directly led to her death, he could be charged with secondary murder or involuntary manslaughter, which is less serious, even though it sounds way worse. “Slaughter”. It's like he hacked her to pieces with a machete. (source = e!)
NBC – averaged just 6 million prime time viewers last week, and even lost the 18-34 demo to a Spanish cable channel. Oh I know. I'm shocked. Winning “Worlds Greatest Grandpa” according to your tshirt is more impressive than being the lead in “Chuck”. (source = defamer)
PENELOPE CRUZ – I thought this was old, but the Sun has a headline about Penelope Cruz topless in some movie. I didn’t read the article because I got this intriguing email: “Your rod will be faultless weapon. Women will be your resigned slaves.” And they link to the pills that will turn my cock into a baseball bat of seduction. I was skeptical at first, but the site has a picture of a woman with a clipboard. Her endorsement really put me at ease. (unedited pic here, source = sun UK)
Anna Nicole Smith died on February 8, 2007, at the Hard Rock Hotel in Hollywood, Florida, from an overdose of the sedative chloral hydrate combined with three different types of the sedative benzodiazepine. Her autopsy said her death was not homicide, suicide, or natural causes. Unfortunately for her lawyer Howard K. Stern, the autopsy doctor is not a cop, and the cops make a frowny face when you give a drug addict barrels full of psychoactive drugs whose primary function is to slow down the central nervous system.
Stern, as well as Anna Nicole’s two personal physicians, were arrested last night and charged with eight felonies, including conspiracy to furnish controlled substances, unlawfully prescribing a controlled substance, obtaining a prescription for opiates by "fraud, deceit or misrepresentation", obtaining a prescription for opiates by giving a false name or address, and prescribing, administering or dispensing a controlled substance to an addict.
It makes perfect sense that Anna Nicole would rise up from the grave to get back in the news. Her life was like a good episode of Dynasty, except with all the insanity ramped up by a hundred. Don’t be surprised if she actually walks into the courtroom one day, and the dead girl was actually her wicked twin sister who used to be a man, and Anna Nicole faked her own death because Dr. Christian Tremble was trying to keep Trinity out of the will, and then Anna will wrestle some woman wearing a fur coat in a fountain. Stuff like that is what Anna Nicole used to refer to as “Tuesday”.
A bunch of people have sent in this picture of Anna Nicole Smith, reportedly taken shortly after she died. It shows her naked and covered in vomit, a fitting memorial to her life, and the way I would have remembered her anyway. I also like the pink highlights in her hair. It's Valentines Day-y.
go HERE for the unedited, HERE for hq.
To absolutely no ones surprise, DNA analysis has proven that Larry Birkhead is the father of Anna Nicole Smiths baby girl. Birkhead, of course, was said to be the father from the very beginning, until bizarre claims by Howard K Stern brought on a lengthy court battle. Stern claimed he and Anna were deeply in love and he was the true father and all of her public relationships were a sham. For what purpose, he wasn’t quite clear, and many of his claims came after Smith died. Regardless, Yahoo says:
Dr. Michael Baird, who analyzed the results of a March 21 DNA test, announced the results outside the court. "Essentially, he's the biological father," Baird told reporters. A jubilant Birkhead said "My baby's going to be coming home pretty soon."
And let us never speak of this again.
Star Magazine and the National Enquirer have teamed up to solve the riddle behind the mysterious death of Anna Nicole Smith. I bet the result is shocking!
Anna Nicole Smith died with a toxic level of the sleeping medication chloral hydrate in her system. The world exclusive details come days before Broward County, Fla., Chief Medical Examiner Joshua Perper will hold a press conference to announce the former Playboy Playmate's cause of death … Anna Nicole (also) had a raging blood infection. The infection was caused by an unsterilized needle and contributed to her death. The infection was so serious, it would have killed her if she had not overdosed.
Wow, this bitch was like a white trash Rasputin. She should have died years ago for 50 different reasons but somehow never did. She was like one of the X-Men. She was basically Wolverine, with superhuman healing powers and big tits instead of claws and the ability to whine for hours. She was so high and drunk all the dam time, normal drugs and disease were no match for what her immune system had already conquered. You could shoot her in the heart with a poison arrow and she would just stand there. "Stoopp itt … c'mon, you're bein … jerk … iii don’t … wannaaa … hey, do we have ice cream…" Then she’d pass out because that’s what she was gonna do anyway and wake up 30 hours later with no damage except some vague memory about Ben and Jerry shooting her with an arrow.
