The Pornographic Diary Of Anne Frank

By Jack May 01, 2013 @ 12:46 PM

Anne Frank makes everybody stupid. including Gail Horalek, some uptight PTA bitch in Michigan who decided that Anne’s diary is too pornographic for her precious little snow flake. You’ll recall from being half asleep in  high school English class that Anne Frank was a Jewish teenage girl whose family hid from the Nazis in an attic for several years. She was later captured and died in a concentration camp. What you didn’t know was that you were reading the edited for kids version of the diary and that a far racier version existed.

Like any teenage girl, Anne writes about her crush on a boy and other shit girls usually write in their diaries, at least from the ones I used to steal and read because I was a curious and lonely lad. The passages in the unedited version that Horalek objects to are a couple of paragraphs about Anne “discovering” her lady bits. It’s pretty clinical, actually. She just kind of goes, “Oh, there are two labia lips.” Scandalous! Horalek wants this classic tale of the triumph of hope over despair banned because Anne looked at her body in a mirror? As the world’s most annoying mom states, ‘Words are pictures in the mind’. Ooh, Gail, you are on top of things for a 17th century Puritan.

Here’s a motherly task you can perform now that you’ve been on television humiliating your own daughter in front of all of her friends and schoolmates. Go check her browser history and search records. Look specifically for things related to ‘BBC’ and ‘I hate my mother’ and ‘revenge’.