Sometimes paparazzi pictures are taken from really far away, and so the pictures are real grainy or blurry. I bet the people responsible for tricking the public into thinking that girls in Hollywood actually look like they do in movies wishes this was one of those times.
(who: Anne Hathaway. where: NYC. when: 5.21.09. source: pacific coast)
No one is more perplexing to me than Anne Hathaway. She's clearly not pretty in any way, yet people insist on pretending like she is. I could maybe see her as a lead on some TBS show where a pig is an FBI agent for some reason or something like that, but I refuse to accept this toothy ghost as a leading lady in feature films. I will not stand for it.
(picture source = getty images)
Raffaello Follieri of course was Anne Hathaways boyfriend, seemingly a wealthy Italian playboy, but in reality a conman who stole millions from investors who believed he was a representative of the Vatican entrusted with upgrading and buying Roman Catholic churches across the US. Now he's serving 6 years in jail, which turns out, is unpleasant. The always great New York Daily News says…
Rats roam freely, there's excrement in the shower and Follieri shares a windowless dorm with 120 other shower-deprived men. "He says the stench is intolerable," his lawyer Flora Edwards wrote. "Clearly no one should be subjected to these conditions."
The 30-year-old playboy pleaded guilty to bankrolling a high-flying lifestyle that included trips with Hathaway to exotic locales on private jets, a dog walker and $37,000-a-month rent for his Fifth Avenue apartment with money stolen from investors.
Follieri complained that his medication has been confiscated and that he's been short of breath. He hasn't been able to eat because the food appears to be spoiled and the toilet and showers are "unspeakably unsanitary," Edwards said, adding that Follieri has been running a fever.
Whatever. I'm not the one in jail so it turns out I don't care what their life is like. What I do care about is Hathaways perplexing status as some hot piece. She's not ugly of course, but she's not hot either. Not by a mile. I know guys see a big mouth and get excited, because that’s the part where the penis goes to start and finish sex, but hers is ridiculous. I could put my dork in there and rattle it around like one of those triangular diner bells cowboys use. And there’s no way I have the self-confidence to keep going after that.
Anne Hathaway was on David Letterman last night, and of course Dave is like a pit bull with a biting problem and he's not just gonna ask what her favorite color is, so the conversation quickly turned to the arrest of her ex-boyfriend for fraud. And it was so awkward and uncomfortable, the only way it could be any worse is if they did a split screen and showed your mom in a sexy outfit trying to seduce one of your friends.
BEST. ASS. EVER. – this chick might be the devil. That was sent here to ruin mankind. Guys start wars over asses like this.
ANNE HATHAWAYS EX GETS 5 YEARS IN - Raffaello Follieri will serve five years in prison for taking $6,000,000 while pretending to represent the Vatican. So, wait, give-me-some-money-to-build-a-church-or-some-shit.com was a hoax? Aww god damit.
"ENTOURAGE" PREMIER DIES – bringing in only a 1.0 rating, “Entourage” slipped 29% from last June’s premiere, a low not seen since July 2005. A poll of experts who are me think it may because that show sucks. It's what nerds with no friends think cool people with friends act like. You ever see a McDonalds commercials with black people? Black people don't act like that, but the white people who made the commercial think black people act like that. Entourage is exactly like that, but 100 times longer and with fewer jokes.
SPIKE WON'T GET AN OSCAR BECAUSE HE LIKES THE KNICKS - "They (Oscar voters and Academy bosses) take everything into account with me. They take into account that I like the Knicks or that I'm in New York. If you did a survey, the bulk of the people who vote in the Academy are in Los Angeles. There's definite bias, considering that my films are typically New York-based." I knew it. I knew it had to be something like this. This is why they never nominate Scorsese or Woody Allen either. Wait…
HER LITTL'INS IS DOIN' GOOD - Lynne Spears says that even knowing what she knows now, she would still let her daughters Britney and Jamie Lynn pursue stardom. "I think you have to let them follow their dreams. I think it would be worse in the end if you didn't." Worse than kicked off her tv show because she got pregnant at 16? Worse than divorced and her kids taken away and in rehab three times by 25? Define "worse".
As Rosie O’Donnell can attest, Donald Trump is not afraid to eviscerate people in the press. Even if you don't know him, that won't spare you from attacking you if he thinks you've earned it. And apparently he thinks Anne Hathaway has earned it. MSNBC says…
The “Apprentice” head honcho has raised a critical eyebrow at “Get Smart’s” Anne Hathaway for dumping her boyfriend, and Trump Tower resident, Raffaello Follieri, days before he was arrested and charged with fraud.
“She hasn’t remained very loyal to him, has she?” Trump told “Access Hollywood’s” Billy Bush. “So when he had plenty of money, she liked him, but then after that, not as good, right?”
It’s no wonder that Trump would be a little sensitive to this. He hasn’t been nailing hot ass all these years because he’s so handsome. The fucker is rich. If he were poor he wouldn't be having sex with famous models. And don’t even bother making a sex robot that looks like a famous model. All that did was shock my penis.
