By Lex January 13, 2014 @ 2:42 PM
Anne Hathaway staged a near drowning in Hawaii so that her husband could rescue her in front of the paparazzi and regain the masculinity he first felt when Anne grabbed him by the wrist and told him he was going to be her husband. Anne flailed her arms a full ten feet off the coastline of Hawaii when an oceanographically inexplicable rip tide threatened to take away the world’s greatest actress. She screamed out for help didn’t realize that her husband couldn’t hear her through the Bublé he had blasting on his earbuds. A nearby surfer who I guess didn’t read the Please Don’t Save Anne Hathaway memo to locals grabbed Anne and brought her back to the shore where she made her husband suck fake poison out of her foot for his failure to perform his role. Emote. Counter emote. It was very dramatic.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex January 09, 2014 @ 1:52 PM
Anne Hathaway and her emasculated husband have been enjoying their Hawaiian getaway. It’s a good chance for Anne to be reclusive and self-important in a place with slightly nicer beaches. Slap on the top hat and order your bitch to tote your beach bag while you give the public a peek at your small serious actress boobs to remind them you’re fucking, Fantine, the singing dying prostitute who had to sell her hair. You can marry any effeminate man you want, just like Natalie Portman did after Black Swan. After onlookers were done masturbating uncontrollably to Anne’s boyish charms, she slapped her skinny gimp for forgetting her sandals and ordered vegan poi from room service. Soon it will be back to reality for Anne. Or, exactly the same.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex December 30, 2013 @ 4:14 PM
Oh, the embarrassment. No, not letting everybody see you out with your foppish, electric BMW driving husband. Running into the paparazzo who’s car you left dog shit on the week before because he had the gall to make you famous and self-important and easily irritated. I hate when that happens. Anne handled the situation with tremendous aplomb, staring down at the ground questioning why God would give her so much talent but not the power to telekinetically clear a fifty-yard perimeter of privacy around her person at all times. She then wet herself slightly, whispered to her husband that he’d be getting the paddle when they got home, and ran her lines for an upcoming movie I’m quite certain I will never see. Carry on, stalwart sister. The world will eventually catch up to you.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Jack October 31, 2013 @ 12:51 PM
Anne Hathaway won’t be winning any fans after her people sent a teen girl texting type email to the organizers of the breast cancer awareness event The Pink Party with her crazy demands. It seems that the diva doesn’t want anyone to talk, look at, interview, photograph, or generally breathe on her. You know, because an event to raise money to combat one of the biggest killer of women is all about Anne and ‘respecting her space’:
Do not take photos of ask for an autograph from anne hathaway. Her team is starting to getting really concerned today. Please make sure none of you or your guests approach her. I know in the past our hosts have mingled in the party, but each person is different and We are trying to respect her space.
No bloggers!!!!! Please!!!! cannot talk to her, nothing please. (forward team please help me!) Most of our celebs are happy to talk and share why cancer research is important to them so there will be other opportunities at the event.
I will truly need all of your help!!!
If you are sitting next to her in the front row, please make sure no one goes into to lounge :)”
Around the time she won the Oscar for screeching like a weasel in a meat grinder in Les Miserables, people had begun to get sick of Anne Hathaway. Her fake ass smile and false modesty are more grating than a marathon of The Princess Diaries. I know Anne will say that her reps were overreacting on their own accord. I know her reps will say, after a few cocktails, that Anne is a horrendous, demanding bitch who threatens to fire them all the time if they don’t write such idiotic letters. In the end, the winner will be the war against breast cancer. The truth about Anne Hathaway will be a minor casualty.
By Travis July 11, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
Anne Hathaway went out for a stroll to see some friends in California yesterday. Well, at least I think it’s Anne. The person in these pictures also looks kind of like a guy I knew who worked at a Dunkin Donuts and played bass guitar in a Sublime tribute band. But the credits say that it’s Anne Hathaway, so I assume that she was locked inside of a Ross store for the past week and had to settle for what was on the racks, as all of her other clothes had been destroyed in a fire.
Either way, make sure to check out her acoustic No Doubt cover set at the Chili’s in Pico Rivera.
(Photo Credits: Cousart/JFXimages/WENN.com)
Last night was The 85th Annual Academy Awards and I’m completely ashamed to say I watched the entire thing. To sum it up, Seth MacFarlane did surprisingly not shitty, Jennifer Lawrence fell down, the Best Director winner was bullshit, Ben Affleck got snubbed, then didn’t and George Clooney kept getting free scotch thrown at him for smiling every time someone joked he banged and/or will bang somebody like nine-year-old Quvenzhané Wallis (Actual Seth MacFarlane joke.) who already had to deal with Daniel Day Lewis demanding she thank him backstage. This shouldn’t fuck a kid up.
(Images of celebs who showed up to last night’s Oscars with varying degrees of cleavage or dumb-looking faces = Getty)