The 2011 Academy Awards were last night, and the big winner was The Kings Speech, the inspiring story of king who sits in his castle and eventually gives a speech on the radio without fucking it up.
The big loser was True Grit, which not only went 0 for 10, but had it’s ending broadcast on the air when Oscar producers needed 5 seconds of footage for an editing award and decided to show the part where the bad guy dies and the surprise person responsible for it.
Another big loser was Kirk Douglas, who terrified the shit out of everyone and then wouldn’t leave. Child birth videos are more comfortable to watch than that was, and probably have better jokes.
Last week it was mentioned on here that Keira Knightley, Anne Hathaway and Jessica Biel were all reading for parts in the third Batman movie from Christopher Nolan, but no one was suggesting it was to play Catwoman, so suffice to say this is sort of a shock. Especially if you’re a nerd who is easily shocked.
Warner Bros. Pictures announced today that Anne Hathaway has been cast as Selina Kyle in Christopher Nolan’s “The Dark Knight Rises.” She will be starring alongside Christian Bale, who returns in the title role of Bruce Wayne/Batman.
Christopher Nolan stated, “I am thrilled to have the opportunity to work with Anne Hathaway, who will be a fantastic addition to our ensemble as we complete our story.”
In addition, Tom Hardy has been set to play Bane. Nolan said, “I am delighted to be working with Tom again and excited to watch him bring to life our new interpretation of one of Batman’s most formidable enemies.”
To be honest, that last part is even more surprising. If you dont know, Bane was sentenced to prison while still a boy, then experimented on with secret drugs that made him a super strong genius. Then some stuff happened, then some other stuff happened, then he found out Batmans true identity, went to his house and broke his back.
He essentially kills Batman.
What in hell? Is Nolan gonna kill Batman? That’s not rhetorical, answer me. Yes, you, answer the fucking question! (I can see you though your webcam, btw)
LADY GAGA – will make 100 million dollars in 2011, adding to the 60 million she made in 2010. And she would have made even more except that her music is horrible. (popeater)
KEIRA KNIGHTLEY – has broken up with Rupert Friend, her boyfriend for the past 5 years, but the really awesome part is the Suns headline, “Keiras Not Getting it Knightley”. Also note that the source of the story is her dad. So they talk about Keira getting cum on at least once every 24 hours, in huge font, then quote her dad who seems sad because his little girl won’t have some guys dick punching the back of her throat tonight. I dare you to find something better than London newspapers. (the sun)
BATMAN 3 – will likely have Keira Knightley, Anne Hathaway or Jessica Biel as the female lead. It’s good to finally see white girls catch a break in Hollywood. (nydn)
AMY WINEHOUSE – is in Rio this week, and the Daily Mail says she has some strange bruises on her thigh. Strange in the sense that she’s obviously a god damn zombie and they’re not supposed to have blood flow. (daily mail)
Back in November, Anne Hathaway hosted Saturday Night Live and did a breathy, stammering impression of Katie Holmes where she talked out of the side of her mouth like she was Popeye or had a stroke, and it was seen by dozens, literally dozens, of viewers around the world.
Well two of those viewers were apparently Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, and now they may not attend the Academy Awards next month because Hathaway is the host. The Daily Mail says…
‘Tom and Katie don’t want to have to cross paths with Anne,’ says a Hollywood source.
‘They used to be friends and took Anne to a Tina Turner concert in 2008 when Anne split up from her boyfriend Raffaello Follieri.
‘Katie feels they were really supportive at a difficult time so she feels let down that Anne took to national TV to make fun of her.
‘Anne didn’t even warn her it was going to be on TV.’
In Hathaways defense, if someone made me go to a Tina Turner concert they would be my mortal enemy until 50 years after I died, so doing an impression doesn’t seem so bad. And old lady in a mini-skirt, singing songs she can’t sing anymore? How dare you. I would have dug up their parents and pissed on them.
It’s weird that at one point Anne Hathaway was considered a not-as-good version of Lindsay Lohan. Now Lindsay is such a cartoony punchline she should change her name because “Lindsay Lohan” is like “garbage men” or “Blackwater”. It conjures up a negative image that she’ll never escape.
Anyway, Hathaway and James Franco are hosting the Academy Awards this year, which is a little weird since they’ll both almost definitely be nominated for Outstanding Actor and Actress. Show producers Bruce Cohen and Don Mischer told Deadline…
James Franco and Anne Hathaway personify the next generation of Hollywood icons— fresh, exciting and multi-talented. We hope to create an Oscar broadcast that will both showcase their incredible talents and entertain the world on February 27. We are completely thrilled that James and Anne will be joining forces with our brilliant creative team to do just that.”
Yes indeed. Woe be to you if you thought Franco couldn’t wear a tuxedo, stand upright and read a teleprompter. Talk about multi-talented! You could put the teleprompter in front of him, or to the right, even to the left, he don’t care, he’ll read those fuckers all night long baby! Blue font, green font, even the white, there’s no limit to his gifts. I think he might secretly be Superman.
Anne Hathaway has had two pretty famous nude scenes (‘Brokeback Mountain’ and ‘Havoc’), and since girls don’t generally stop being awesome overnight, she says she’ll keep doing them, and even has some in her new movie, ‘Love and Other Drugs’. People says…
“These are people who have no trouble taking their clothes off – in a way their bodies are their currency,” the actress, 27, says of her nude scenes with Jake Gyllenhaal. “But they’re terrified of exposing their vulnerability – of becoming emotionally naked.”
To be honest I have no idea WTF that has to do with anything, because, just like in real life, the hot girl started talking and I sort of drifted off while biding my time until I could see her tits. Unlike in real life however, here on the internet, it’s gonna work! Today I’m the big winner!
(NSFW WARNING – from this point on, it’s nothing but rampant nudity, starring Anne Hathaway)