Ariel Winter Edits Her Boobs

By Lex August 13, 2015 @ 2:29 PM

Ariel Winter had breast reduction surgery because she could no longer stand bloggers pointing out her massive young teen tits. For that, I am sorry. Not the leering, I mean the part where she used that motivation to shrink her tits. Shanda. Winter spoke about her breast reduction from a 32F to a 34D exclusively to Glamour magazine, a periodical that has been making young women feel severely inadequate about their bodies for decades now:

That’s pretty much all I was known for and that upset me. It made me feel really uncomfortable because as women in the industry, we are totally over sexualized and treated like objects. Every article that has to do with me on a red carpet always had to do with ‘Ariel Winter’s Crazy Cleavage!’ Or ‘Ariel Winter Shows Huge Boobs At An Event!’ That’s all people would recognize me by, not, “Oh, she does great work on Modern Family.

It’s not like you’re a busty Patton driving ISIS into the sea. You’re a teen actress with a minor role on a low ball sitcom. All anybody talks about Sofia Vergara are her tits. Jesse Tyler Ferguson. He’s the gay one. This is how the show business works. Nobody minds you finding your identity in women’s rights, but when you start redacting the boobs, it’s time for the adults who loves big tits to step in. I could show you Excel charts on how your marital prospects just dipped by 19%. Also, harder to quantify, the reduced disappointment in my faps while thinking about your chest. Kids are selfish. This never would’ve happened if abusive stage mom hadn’t lost custody.

Ariel Winter’s Boobs Are Bullet Proof

By Lex January 20, 2014 @ 4:02 PM

Ariel Winter Looks Busty At A SAG Awards After Party
The SAG Awards provide the perfect platform for actors to felch dripping ego from one another’s orifices while adulating the sacred craft. At the Oscars and Golden Globes, they have to pretend that other people helped their movies be so good. But at the SAG Awards, those line-repeating monkeys can really let it all out. So, they get a little drunk with honor. Ed O’Neill put his foot in his mouth when reporters asked the girls of Modern Family what beauty knowledge they picked up from their moms. The question itself should have warranted a punch in the face to the celebrity reporter who ran out of only moderately insipid questions seven years ago. But Ed O’Neill stepped in and said, ‘Ariel should take this one’. Now, Ariel Winter was removed from her mom’s custody last year because of the abusive environment. Her best beauty tip from mom might’ve been ‘duck when the frying pan comes warbling toward your face’. Several people in the room noted the rather flat joke from Ed O’Neill. But most people just continued staring at Ariel enormous teen tits. They really are the conversation.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, Pacific Coast News, WENN

Ariel Winter Is Safe and Happy and Fat

By Lex March 26, 2013 @ 9:50 AM

First, let me say, there’s nothing wrong with being overweight. I read that once in a Jenny Craig brochure, which seems ironic, since Jenny makes billions pretending to cure customers of this condition. But, if you’re a teen actress like Ariel Winter from Modern Family, taken away from your horrible stage mom, in part, because she was abusive about keeping you from getting fat, then you get fat, people are going to notice. At least, I am. I notice shit like that. Especially when you brag to places like US magazine about how much happier you are without mom counting your calories:

I had body insecurities when I was younger. I still do. Every girl has insecurities — mine were heightened at the time because my mother wasn’t supportive….. Now, my sister is always making sure to tell me that I look beautiful . . . It’s about learning to love yourself.

Yeah, and learning to say, ‘hold the sour cream’ on the Farmer’s Market breakfast burritos. Mom might be a horrid Hollywood parasite, but she kept you TV show lean. I wonder if she’s looking to adopt.

Photo credit: Splash News