morning headlines

By brendon January 19, 2011 @ 10:39 AM

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MIRANDA KERR – posted the first picture of her son Flynn, presumably taken by her husband Orlando Bloom, and as you can see it was while he was sucking on one of her perky little tits. Which means he’s 2 weeks old and his life has probably peaked. (kora organics)

BRUCE WILLIS – was a pain in the ass to work with on Cop Out, according to director Kevin Smith. “I had no fucking help from this dude whatsoever.” And yet that movie totally worked, on every level, a modern masterpiece. The creative process sure is a mystery. (filmdrunk)

HALLE BERRY – is supposedly on good terms with her ex Gabriel Aubry, who is also the father of her 2yo daughter, but yesterday he filed for custody, setting up a potential tug-of-war with their child. Not a literal tug-of-war with their child of course, though that would be way more exciting. (e!)

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER – is ready to return to acting, perhaps playing a Nazi commander who refuses to execute POW’s at the end of WWII in With Wings As Eagles. Or perhaps playing something else, in a different movie. What am I, psychic? (fox)

RICKY GERVAIS – will not be hosting the Golden Globes again next year, saying he feels twice is enough. Which is how I now feel about watching the Golden Globes. (yahoo)

thursday headlines: special mel gibson edition

By brendon July 22, 2010 @ 1:02 PM

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Look, if I could make Megan Fox and Jessica Alba blow me while I took pictures of it for the website, I assure you I would. Until then here’s three Mel Gibson stories, because that’s the only thing in the news.

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morning headlines

By brendon October 28, 2009 @ 11:21 AM

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ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER – wrote a letter to the California state assembly yesterday (read it here) after they approved some new plan to give away more free money, and it was all TLDNR, but I somehow feel I got the gist of what he was trying to say anyway. (wall street journal)

OPRAH WINFREY – is a drunk and a drug addict, and her longtime boyfriend Stedman Graham has dumped her because of it. Not only that, now she’s ready to pay him 150 million dollars to keep him quiet.  I would take it if I were him.  This bitch is evil.  In fact I heard she can throw fire from her hands.    (the enquirer)

BRITTANY MURPHY – was visited by the cops this morning around 2:30am because she was on her balcony screaming and claiming she heard gun shots. No evidence of foul play was discovered, but still, Brittany did the right thing. If you ever hear gun fire, and you suspect a killer may be on the loose, go out into the open and flail around and yell at the darkness. If you have time, call 911, but first things first. (tmz)

LINDSAY LOHAN – could be dead within a year if she doesn’t get to rehab, according to her dad. Thankfully, Lindsay agrees and has decided to seek help. “I have not spoken to my father, nor have I responded to his threatening and erratic messages … he should try to be a real father.” Oh okay never mind. I was thinking of someone else. (the sun and wenn)