Singer Ashanti hadn’t released an album since 2008 before this year’s BraveHeart, but six years can almost be an eternity when it comes to a music industry that is packed with young, sexy singers. So because one always has to do with the other, Ashanti posted some photos on Instagram of her in bikinis by the pool this weekend with the hashtag BraveHeart on them, as if to say, “You should buy my new album because I’m kind of trying to show you my vagina in this one photo collage.” Whether or not the idea will work is up to her fans, but seeing as this might be the first time that I’ve ever thought about Ashanti in my life, I’d say that it has been an incredible success so far.
In life, people will only measure you on your improvement in situation. People love to say shit like ‘Hey, you lost weight’ or ‘I heard you got a big promotion!’ Nobody ever says ‘That’s great that you used to be not such a fat fuck’ or ‘Boy, you did well for yourself in April 2005′. It’s probably tough to be somebody like Ashanti who was super crazy famous in her early 20′ to now go to the beach and nobody takes your picture. So she had a friend snap her photo and upload it to Instagram. That’s like sending yourself flowers or buying a dildo off of a television infomercial from a pretend sex doctor. It’s a sign you’re probably ready for cats and rubber bands on your door knobs. Ashanti dated Nelly for a long while until he too proved to be a 20-something wonder. The last thing you want to be is a couple in your 30′s talking about the grand old days. That’s depressing. Still, I admire the fact that Ashanti is trying to keep the wheel spinning by performing at benefits and neatly waxing her pubes. Nobody’s ever done for so long as they have neatly shorn genitals.
Photo Credit: Ashanti/Instagram