Ashlee Simpson has short hair now, is a robot

By brendon October 13, 2010 @ 5:53 PM

Ashlee Simpson

Ashlee Simpson showed off her new super-short haircut today in New York, and also the fact that she’s either a wax figure or robot now. Which actually makes her much more useful than the old Ashlee Simpson.

As you can see, she can hold up to one hat, and I’ve been led to believe that robots can vacuum. Can this one vacuum? Either way, now we can punch Ashlee Simpson and not feel bad about it or go to jail. I think they’re gonna sell a lot of these.

(image source = inf)

Ashlee Simpson is a drunken menace

By brendon September 07, 2010 @ 4:12 PM

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Ashlee Simpson was at the US Open this weekend, and you’re gonna find this impossible to believe, but she was an annoying pain in the ass, especially at one point when they played a ‘Fall Out Boy’ song between sets.

Her husband Pete Wentz had an appropriate response to hearing ‘Fall Out Boy’, which is shame/boredom, but Ashlee started… whatever the hell you would call this.

The lone bright spot was that she looked somewhat hot, at least for her, and at least compared to Jessica. When asked for a comment, Ashlee said, “I was just having fun.” And Jessica said, “Bring me Solo and the Wookie. They will pay for this outrage.”

“Huh-huh-huh,” she added after that.

pete wentz is unemployed

By brendon February 03, 2010 @ 5:06 PM

Pete Wentz, Ashlee Simpson

In news that will surprise the people who knew this band was still together, Pete Wentz announced on his blog yesterday that he was no longer a member of Fall Out Boy.

(I) cant predict that id ever play in fall out boy again. not due to personal relationships as much as a band we grew apart … there is the possibility that fob will play again with out me or i will be a part of it when everyone is on the same page. it is no ones fault and there is no animosity about the decision.

He’s downplaying it but it won’t be easy for the band to replace him. They’ll have to go down to the guitar store and wait until it opens. Then when someone buys a bass, they’ll have to ask if he wants to be in a band.

go kill yourself

By brendon January 05, 2010 @ 6:36 PM

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Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz pulled off one of the greatest practical jokes of all time today in NYC, when they ditched the paparazzi by going into a store that sells masks. A few minutes later an old gypsy and a scary monkey in a hat came out, but there was no sign of Ashlee and Pete. “Where did they go”, the paparazzi presumably asked one another as the hours slowly passed.

Well guess what? Let’s just say that monkey was probably wearing a hat to hold in all of his secrets.

(source = inf daily)

monday afternoon headlines

By brendon November 02, 2009 @ 2:23 PM

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MEL GIBSON – has a new baby girl. His Russian girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva gave birth Friday afternoon. Luckily she wasn’t born one day later, on Halloween, or else like 15 different prophecies in the Torah would have come true.  None of them good. (abc news)

JESSICA SIMPSON
– went on Twitter to defend her sister and attack ‘Melrose Place’, who fired Ashlee last week. “catching up on MP. who writes this crap? i have had bad scripts to work with, but this? thank God my sister is amazing and got you some press.” After that she began to rub her breasts and wrote, “wow, I have really sensitive nipples.”  No not really but that would have been awesome. (twitter)

THE WIRE
– will now be offered as a course at Harvard. Watching the TV show. ‘The Wire’.  Will be a course. At Harvard. “I do not hesitate to say that it has done more to enhance our understanding of the challenges of urban life and the problems of urban inequality, more than any other media event or scholarly publication,” sociology professor William J. Wilson said. In a related story, I announced I’ll be teaching a course entitled, “Why The Germans And Chinese Are Now Kicking Our Ass.”  It’s not really a “course”, I just email people this story and then add, “WTF!!!”.  (ny post)

ANNALYNNE MCCORD – went to Halloween as … bat … girl? Man? Both? Neither? I have no idea. It doesn’t really matter. I don’t wanna give away too many details, but let’s just say someone masturbated to these, if you catch my drift.  (wenn)

friday morning headlines

By brendon October 30, 2009 @ 9:02 AM

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LINDSAY LOHAN – is sleeping with guys again. Or at least she left a hotel with one, a model named Pete Smith. Wow, sex with Lindsay Lohan! What an amazing accomplishment. She must think he’s really special. (the sun)

ASHLEE SIMPSON – might have been kicked off ‘Melrose Place’ because Heather Locklear wanted to be the only big name star. Although it’s hard to believe that anyone who considers Ashlee Simpson a threat would even have enough clout to get a sandwich, much less final say on casting. (star)

BATMAN VANISHING – this is one of the most popular videos anywhere right now, probably because it’s awesome. (college humor)

HEIDI KLUM – is the star of the new book ‘Rankin’s Heidilicious’. Those two words seem to be complete jibberish, but when you have a book with dozens of naked Heidi Klum pictures, you could call it ‘This Book Is Made Of Poison’ and still sell a billion copies.