ASHLEE IS OFFICIALLY PREGNANT, BORING

By brendon May 29, 2008 @ 6:18 AM

The fact that Ashlee Simpson is pregnant has been the worlds worst keep secret for at least a month.  The story broke around April 14th, and after 6 weeks of cutsey little denials, she and her husband Pete Wentz finally officially confirmed the news on Pete’s blog last night.  OK! says…

"While many have speculated about this, we wanted to wait until after the first trimester to officially confirm that we are expecting our first child," announced Pete and new bride Ashlee, using her new last name for the first time, on the Fall Out Boy bassist's web site, FriendsOrEnemies.com. "This is truly the most joyous time in our lives and we are excited to share the happy news and start our family."

OK! goes on to say that Ashlee and Pete have already shot footage that they are shopping around for their own version of "Newlyweds", the reality show that chronicled Jessica Simpsons fist (!) few years of marriage.   When asked for a comment, one person who is me said, "That sounds fucking stupid.  Instead of that someone should make a show where some indian gives these two guys a treasure map, and the two guys go all over the world to find the treasure.  And one of them has a tender tummy and he gets really bad diarrhea all the time.  The show could be called 'Waiting For Frank'.  Or something.  I haven't worked out all the beats just yet.  And also there's an Asian girl with big tits.  That would be a good show."



WOCKA WOCKA WOCKA!!!

By brendon May 27, 2008 @ 11:07 AM

Pete Wentz and his sexy new wife Ashlee Simpson left the house yesterday and walked around like this.  With Pete wearing a paper plate over his face.  Get it?  Because I don’t.  Suffice to say, it wasn’t funny.  It barely even qualifies as stupid.  It’s just confusing.  But I’m willing to bet these idiots chuckled and snorted for a good 20 minutes before they stepped outside.  "Are you really going to do it I can’t believe your going to do it!"  "Oh my god, this is going to be so funny!"   I just hope he stops here.  My funny bone can only take so much of his kitchen-related hilarity.  If he were to walk out with cookies over his eyes, or a spatula for a hand, I may lose it.  God forbid he discover the spinning bow tie.  I might literally die.

(full size picture here, another pic here)



MRS. ASHLEE WENTZ

By brendon May 19, 2008 @ 5:02 AM

I’m sure you don’t care, because why on earth would you, but Ashlee Simpson did indeed get married to Pete Wentz Saturday at a ceremony held at her parents house.  OK! says…

Around noon on Saturday, the groom arrived via limo at the Encinco, Calif., home of Ashlee's dad Joe Simpson, who also officiated over the non-denominational ceremony under white tents.
Big sis Jess, who arrived with on-off beau Tony Romo before noon in the Employee of the Month star's Range Rover, was maid of honor. According to reports, Pete's bulldog Hemingway served as ring-bearer.

Does Joe Simpson have any fucking hobbies, or does he spend every waking minute injecting himself into the lives of his daughters.  Nick Lachey said Joe was the main reason his relationship with Jessica failed, and last week Romo said the same.  I know someone that will run him over for 200 dollars.  Email me Pete.

ASHLEE GETS MARRIED TOMORROW

By brendon May 16, 2008 @ 8:44 AM

Ashlee Simpsons’ moms house in Encino, California is getting made over today to prep for Ashlee's wedding to Pete Wentz tomorrow.  Many seem to think the wedding is coming together so quickly because Ashlee is pregnant and her dad doesn’t want her to start showing while she’s single.  She hasn’t confirmed it yet, but everyone knows Ashlee is in fact pregnant.  Which reminds me, what are the odds this kid will be able to throw a football without looking like a complete homo?  Yeah, yeah that’s what I thought too. 

(picture source = inf daily)



ASHLEE IS GETTING MARRIED SATURDAY

By brendon May 13, 2008 @ 9:53 AM

Bored indifference is sweeping the nation this morning on the heels of Us magazines exclusive claim that Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz will get married in 5 days, this Saturday, May 17th, at a secret location.  Us says…

    "Proper invites have not been sent out but instead guests have been given a save the date notice," the source told Us.
    The rehearsal dinner – described by the source as "an intimate affair" for "family and close friends only" – will take place on Friday.
    On Saturday, "all guests will be transported in shuttles to the wedding location," the source explained.
    Regarding Simpson's upcoming wedding, her spokesperson told Us: "This is a private matter. There is nothing to confirm."

I just hope this means the rumors are true and she really is pregnant.  What a gift to the music world that child would be.  I know it's early, but I think a good name for the prodigy's first album would be, "Fuck You Brendon’s Ears".

ASHLEE AND PETE HAVE BEEN ROBBED

By brendon April 25, 2008 @ 8:26 AM

This has disaster written all over it, but monkeys stole designer clothes from Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz as they were vacationing in Costa Rica last week.  Contact Music says…

Simpson explains, "We'd go to sleep and we'd wake up, and the maid wasn't even here, but sunglasses, my Sony, my favorite Wireseal hat, all this stuff, my favorite make-up bag (was gone). We were like, 'Where is everything?' We asked the hotel and they said that the monkeys like shiny things.  That monkey has some serious designer clothes."

Gee, after reading that last line, I wonder if the comment section will be filled with the most awful racist jokes ever.  Yeah.  Yeah thats what I figured.