ONE MILLION DOLLARS?

By brendon April 17, 2008 @ 7:28 AM

Page Six says today that Joe Simpson, dad and manager of Jessica and Ashlee Simpson, is already shopping around pictures of the baby of Ashlee and her fiancé, Pete Wentz, even though it hasn't been officially confirmed that she's even pregnant, and according to that picture above taken Tuesday, any delivery date would seem to be a very long way away.  All that's known for sure is that that was one really long opening sentence.

Joe Simpson is trying to cash in on the baby-crazed trend in celebrity magazines – but he's having a difficult time.
A magazine source said, "Joe is contacting all the weeklies and asking them to pony up $1 million to put Ashlee on the cover.  The deal would include photos of Ashlee – taken by Joe, of course, so he can make more money – an interview and photos of the baby when she has it," our source said.
Sadly, there is some interest – but not for anything close to $1 million.
One magazine editor said the pictures would fetch "$60,000 maybe – but definitely not a million. The timing is a little suspicious. Her album is dropping next week, and there was little to no interest until now. Ashlee's lucky she got pregnant, frankly."
But even with the marriage announcement, "Joe has an unrealistic expectation of what Ashlee can command," the editor said.

Jessica Simpson could be the biggest star in the world but her dimwat dad can't manage to do anything right.  This entire family is retarded.  In fact I heard the Simpson family crest just shows some dude with his shirt on inside out and backwards, sitting at a table in front of a bowl of rocks with a spoon in it.

IS SHE PREGNANT OR NOT? – UPDATE

By brendon April 16, 2008 @ 7:28 AM

Yesterday Pete Wentz denied that his fiancé Ashlee Simpson was pregnant, saying, “There is a witch hunt for people to be pregnant whenever they get engaged in Hollywood.  This is all news to me. I can't wait for the story about how I'm really in a gay relationship and this is all just a cover. … I mean really, this is crazy. … I mean we're engaged, that's true, and happy about it."  But whatever because that bitch is pregnant.  People magazine says…

Ashlee Simpson is pregnant and plans to get married next month at a private residence in Southern California, a source close to her family tells PEOPLE.
Simpson, 23, is engaged to Fall Out Boy bassist Pete Wentz, 28, who initially blasted pregnancy rumors as a "witch hunt."
But on Tuesday, Simpson, sidestepped the rumors during an interview with MTV after taping TRL in New York, saying simply, "Some things you want to keep personal."
And now the source tells PEOPLE that not only is Simpson pregnant, but that she's planning to have her wedding in May at a friend's house in La Jolla, Calif., north of San Diego.

This lox better just come right out and be honest because he and his dopey girlfriend aren’t nearly interesting enough to play coy.  It's like a fat girl playing hard to get. This isn’t a hostage negotiation. I’m only barely interested so let's just cut to the chase.  They’re gonna screw this kid up anyway so who cares.  It's not like the off-spring and Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson is gonna end up on the Supreme Court.  These two dorks shouldn’t be allowed to raise a cactus, much less a human being.

UPDATE – my favorite source in the world, someone with intimate knowledge of this, emailed and said Ashlee is very defenitely pregnant.



ASHLEE SIMPSON IS PREGNANT

By brendon April 14, 2008 @ 10:45 AM

Today, Us magazine breaks the story that Ashlee Simpson is pregnant.  Just last week it was announced that Ashlee is engaged.  What a coincidence!

The singer, 23, is expecting her first child with fiancé Pete Wentz, 28.
Simpson and the Fall Out Boy frontman announced their engagement Wednesday.
"We are thrilled to confirm their engagement and congratulate this happy couple," a spokesperson for the couple told Us. "Beyond that there is nothing to say."
Simpson's rep had no comment.

Aha.  So she's pregnant.  That’s why the rushed wedding.  Stuff like this is why you have to be careful.  Always use protection, and if you’re like me, always take a moment to lay the girls clothes out just as she had them on.  That way you can re-dress her before she wakes up and no one is the wiser.  And that's your Monday, Key To Success!

PETE AND ASHLEE ARE ENGAGED

By brendon April 10, 2008 @ 6:30 AM

Way back in February there was a post on here, thanks to video by Redban, showing Ashlee Simpson wearing an engagement ring, and now the master of deception has finally come clean and admitted that she and Pete Wentz are engaged.  Ashlee says…

"We know there has been a lot of speculation recently about Pete and I, and we wanted our fans to be the first to know, because you guys are the best," Simpson said in a statement posted on friendsorenemies.com. "Yes, we are thrilled to share that we are happily engaged. Thank you for all of your support and well wishes – it means the world to us. We consider this to be a very private matter, and we wanted to be the first to tell you and to hear it straight from us."

Honest to god, would you rather be locked in a room with Alien, Frankenstein with an axe, or Ashlee Simpson.  I don’t know for sure why Pete Wentz (who could nail 17-year-old-groupie-ass every single night) is doing this, but I’m pretty sure it has something to do with being dumb.

“PEOPLE OF EARTH…”

By brendon March 31, 2008 @ 8:42 AM

Rihanna and Ashlee Simpson shared the red carpet for a few minutes last night at the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards, and both of them look they landed here on a spaceship.  I don’t like to say anything bad about black people because it makes me look even more racist than normal, but some might say Rihanna wears too much makeup.  It looks like someone wanted to teach her a lesson so they shoved her face into a counter that happened to have all her makeup on it.  She barely even looks real.  It's like a sexy Shrek.

(EDITORS NOTE – Andy Warhol used to get paid appearance fees to show up at bars and parties and stuff, but he thought that kind of thing was dumb so he had someone wear a white wig and makeup and pretend to be him.  It wasn’t hard because all he ever did at parties was stand in the corner by himself and not talk to anyone.  That story isn’t relevant to anything but I saw Rihannas giant hands and I thought it might be a guy pretending to be Rihanna and so I remembered it.  Fascinating, huh?)

(EDITORS NOTE 2 – If you’re using Word on a Mac, and you type "spaceship" wrong, why the hell would spell check recommend "spacechip"?  Spacechip?  SPACECHIP!?!?  Fuck you Bill Gates.)



ASHLEE SIMPSON WAS SCARED

By brendon March 07, 2008 @ 9:34 AM

Back in September, I got an email from a guy working in the studio with Ashlee Simpson (here) who said she was drunk and high most of the time, so it came as no surprise when she appeared on a DC radio station last week and everyone thought she was drunk and high (you can hear it here).  Anyway, the point being is she's now denying anything and everything on her myspace.

The night before I had a good friend come to my hotel to give me a tattoo. When I arrived to the radio station I showed them the tattoo I got the night before. It is my belief that they automatically assumed that because I got a tattoo I must have drank that night. I would never get a tattoo after drinking nor would a reputable tattoo artist do a tattoo after someone was drinking. When I walked into the radio station I was thrown into the interview. They didn't even introduce themselves to me before starting it, and just put me on the air. I felt bad energy and like I was about to be attacked as soon as I sat down. I felt uncomfortable.

You really need to listen to how vanilla and boring this fuckin show is to understand why this is dumb.  They don't do anything.  It's exactly like every other local morning radio show.  These people are as edgy as Garfield.  She might as well say she felt threatened by the coffee maker or a kitty cat magnet she thinks she saw on the fridge.