WHEN RETARDS GO CLUBBING

By brendon July 10, 2007 @ 11:10 AM

The New York Daily News says today that Pete Wentz of Fall Out Boy is as clever as he is handsome!  Pete still claims to be sober even though GF Ashlee Simpson secretly – brace yourself – pours alcohol into water bottles and then gives them to Pete to drink.

…the Fall Out Boy bassist drank only Fuji water during Saturday night's dinner at the Stereo House in Water Mill. "He's never been a huge drinker," said one pal, "but now it's cold turkey." Strange, then, that later as he manned the turntables at the Hpnotiq party at Dune in Southampton, girlfriend Ashlee Simpson decanted Veuve Clicquot into an empty Perrier bottle for him. As Wentz sipped in the deejay booth, a fellow emcee announced, "Look at our man Wentz. He's drinking Perrier; that's all he drinks."

Perrier?  What kind of homo / little girl / retard pretends to drink Perrier and then brags about it.  The article goes on to say that he mushed his croissant when he adjusted his beret, hid some beer in a juice box with a purple dinosaur on the front, and read a Playboy while pretending to study a calculus textbook.



ASHLEE SIMPSON AND TAYE DIGGS?

By brendon November 22, 2006 @ 9:47 AM

The New York Post says today that Ashlee Simpson was seen last week at G Spa in New York getting very cozy with Taye Diggs.  Who, by the way, is married.  According to Page Six:

Taye Diggs was spotted "cheek to cheek" with Ashlee Simpson at G Spa last week. They took tequila shots and were intimately whispering and intertwining arms for a half hour.  A rep for Simpson says she and Diggs are "just friends."

Holy Christ.  How awesome would it be if Ashlee started doin black guys.  That would kill Joe for sure.  Now we just need her to step up from the non-threatening black man to black dudes like Michael Clark Duncan.  And you'll know when she starts getting hollowed out by dudes like that because every time her skinny ass opens her mouth, a beam of sunlight will hit the floor between her legs.



ASHLEE SIMPSON IN ‘CHICAGO’

By brendon September 28, 2006 @ 12:10 PM

 

"Chicago" really is the most insufferable combination I can imagine. Jazz and tap dancing and dream sequences and that faggity ass cabaret nonsense all at once, so I assumed I knew how bad it was gonna be once they added Ashlee Simpson. God was I wrong. This really is like a damn nightmare. I'm pleasantly surprised that when this clip ended, I didn't snap awake, four states away and covered in someone else's blood.