I’m surprised at how late it is already this morning, but before this I was even more surprised that 20 fat people at a Weight Watchers meeting in Sweden broke the building, and it took a while to stop squealing with delight.
Luckily, all of the dieters escaped uninjured and managed to move the scales to the corridor, which was not damaged in the accident, and were able to complete their weekly weigh in.
The cause of the floor’s collapse remains under investigation.
Is it? Is it under investigation? As long as this was the same place they always held their meetings, I have one theory, and it smells like sizzling bacon. If this was a new location, and they were lead there by a trail of signs promising punch and pie and then an arrow, than there’s a problem, as this was probably orchestrated by someone trying to murder the floor below.
These may look like pictures you saw on Friday, the ones of Ashley Greene naked except for body paint, but they’re not. They’re all new. I don’t know who first thought up having only a thin layer of paint separating me from a sexy model and her tits, but that that person should be honored with one of those 40-story statues like the one of Jesus in Rio. It’s one of the greatest ideas anyone has ever had, second only to my idea of models naked except for a layer of my semen.
I hope this won’t seem as if I’m trying to objectify her, but as I was cropping these pictures of Ashley Green naked except for body paint in an ad for Sobe, when I went to censor images of her breasts, I accidentally made closeups of her breasts. And then I accidentally saved them. Then I accidentally uploaded them. I’m quite the butterfingers.
It’s traditional to kiss your date as the clock strikes midnight on New Years Eve, so these pictures prove beyond a doubt that ‘Twilight’ star Ashley Greene was at this party with that hot brunette and later they went home and took all their clothes off and had hot girl-on-girl sex.
This doesn’t mean Ashley is gay, just that most girls her age are bi, and if a girl say’s she isn’t it just means she doesn’t have any hot friends. Otherwise she’d at least be curious. When I travel to high schools across the country for my motivational lecture series with todays young people, that’s the main point I try to get across. Be true to yourself, follow your heart, and if you’re a sexy girl with a hot friend, you two should make out.
WOODY HARRELSON - says America invaded Afghanistan because Chevron wanted to overthrow the Taliban and build an oil pipeline. “The guys from Chevron went in and met with the Taliban and realized those guys just weren’t in control enough. That’s why they wanted to oust them.” You can read his entire interview in this weeks issue of ‘Crazy Dipshit Weekly’. (newsbusters)
LINDSAY LOHAN - is not creating a jewelry line with designer Pascal Mouawad, despite telling Access Hollywood that she was. “This is not happening,” he said in an email. As if she knows how to design jewelry. She might as well say she’s gonna build a space shuttle. (wwd)
SETH MACFARLANE - is sort of a one-trick pony. And that trick is to make the same show over and over and annoy the shit out of me. (college humor)
TILA TEQUILA - is suing ex bf Shawne Merriman claiming he abused her. Merriman was arrested on Sept. 6 after Tequila made similar claims, but despite clear bruises up and down her arms and Merriman admitting he held her down, no charges were ever filed. Probably because it’s always a disaster when a girl tells a story. You just know they’re fuckin it all up. (fox)
ASHLEY GREENE - was the hottest of the cast by far at last nights premier for ‘New Moon’. Mostly because I’m not sure who my other choices are. I think one is named ‘Kristin’. Another is maybe named ‘Taylor’. I think those are the girls. Are they girls? I should look this up.
Maxim is boring as hell of course (*), and you could find better writing with funnier jokes on the label for a bottle of vitamins, but they still somehow trick hot girls into posing for their unreadable magazine every month. In this case ‘Twilight’ star Ashley Greene. They also have an interview with her, but you shouldn’t read it. It’s bad to know too much about a girl who is a total stranger. Because then if we start dating, and much to her amazement we have all the same favorite food and books and movies, eventually she’ll realize we’re not soul mates, but that I’ve been stalking her for several months.
(image source = maxim and pacific coast)
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