Ashley Greene Had A Nice Workout

By Travis February 20, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

Ashley Greene should have been one of the few actors to make it out of the Twilight franchise with some star potential, but aside from a few roles in things that nobody cared about, she hasn’t been doing much of anything. That doesn’t really matter, though, as long as she keeps taking long walks to the gym in her workout clothes, because this should be enough to make her one of the most successful actresses in the world. In fact, if there’s an Oscar for Best Work in a Sports Bra, she’d easily be a frontrunner this year. Hopefully she remembers to thank me in her acceptance speech for always believing in her from more than 500 feet away.

Photo Credits:

Ashley Greene Is Dating This Random Guy

By Travis September 30, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Ashley Greene could be a neo-Nazi with a horrible secret past of murdering children, but even if that was true she’d still be the hottest kid-killing Hitler fan out there. That’s why it’s kind of disappointing that she’s dating this random bearded guy in a tank top instead of someone a lot more famous. Of course, even if she was dating a huge star, it’d still be my right as a guy who writes shit on the Internet to make fun of him, but I’d at least like to know the name of the guy I’m calling a douchebag before she eventually dumps his ass. It’s only fair to him.

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Ashley Greene Is A Considerate Daredevil

By Travis July 29, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Twilight actress Ashley Greene seems like a very nice young woman, as evidenced by some of the photos that she posts to her Instagram account. For example, this photo and this photo both feature things that appeal to me and many other men throughout the world, and they make me want to see Ashley in more films that don’t involve really shitty acting and the least scariest vampires ever.

Yesterday, she added the above image of herself on a trapeze, and I’m hoping that she follows it up with a sun dress on a trampoline. Or a sex tape. Whatever she’s feeling up to.

Ashley Greene In GQ Russia

By Lex July 12, 2013 @ 1:29 PM

Ashley In Lingerie For Greene In GQ Russia

Photo Credit: GQ

Ashley Greene’s Condo Just Burned Down

By Lex March 22, 2013 @ 3:12 PM

Residents in the building who live near Ashley tell TMZ … Ashley’s brother and assistant had been going in and out of the condo all morning. One resident says she heard glass exploding in Ashley’s condo.

I guess I have a suspicious mind, but this sounds pretty suspicious to me, right before a fire takes out the whole place, including one of Ashley’s dogs. Which pisses me off, because I love dogs. Even the bitchy little yappers Ashley had. Dogs don’t deserve to die because of stupid people doing stupid things.

I don’t exactly know how I can help Ashley out. So here’s some hot photos of her to remind you that it’s easier to feel sorry when bad things happen to good looking people.

What The Crap, MTV?

By Travis March 06, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

America teenagers are really stupid (See: the success of Nicki Minaj and Justin Bieber) and MTV is run by people who are very good at taking advantage of that stupidity. So despite the fact that no intelligent adult has watched the MTV Movie Awards in at least 10 years, the network confidently announced the nominees yesterday of its annual celebration of actors who will show up to anything.

In case you needed a reminder that the MTV Movie Awards cater to the lowest common denominator, here is an actual clip from the network’s press release:

Keeping with the show’s tradition of celebrating current cultural memes, this year’s telecast will introduce two new categories. Abdominally blessed nominees Channing Tatum (Magic Mike), Taylor Lautner (The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2), Daniel Craig (Skyfall) and Christian Bale (The Dark Knight Rises) will sweat it out against fan-favorite stuffed bear Seth MacFarlane as Ted for the crown of “Best Shirtless Performance”…

Best Shirtless Moments. Four guys. Shit’s weak, MTV.

If it wanted to attract more viewers – specifically males – MTV would give Olivia Wilde a lifetime achievement award every year and then just show her stripping and lesbian scene with Ashley Greene in Butter for two hours.

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