Ashley Judd Can’t Afford Bras

By Lex September 08, 2014 @ 9:28 AM

Ashley Judd Braless During Dolphin Take 2 Premiere In LA
If you’re like me, you’ve been waiting patiently for Dolphin Tales 2, the sequel to the film about one plucky little girl or boy, I can’t remember, who helps rescue a cute as fuck dolphin who lost its tale to the Gorton’s Fisherman’s hook. As with all her roles of the past decade, the actress whose face used to look like Ashley Judd played the single mom trying to do right by her kids. Transitioning into the mom in crappy animal movie roles might be a blow to Ashley’s leading lady ego, but that doesn’t give her the right to flash her unchecked breasts to the kids. The sight of unfettered tits turn young people into rapists and polluters. Even the dolphin whose tale they hacked off again in time for the sequel was making annoying high pitched whistles in distress. We can eat the dolphin to make it shut up. But we can’t eat the children. Get yourself a bra, Ashley. Save those nipped and tucked bad boys for an evening affair.

Photo Credit: Splash

Ashley Judd Refuses To Become The Hottest Senator

By Travis March 28, 2013 @ 9:00 AM







I’ll admit that the headline would have been a lot better if Ashley Judd had announced that she was running for Senate in 2003, but have you looked at America’s politicians lately? She’s still a 10 compared to most of those bridge trolls. But it’s a moot point now, because the daughter of Naomi Judd admitted yesterday that she has no plans of running for senate in Kentucky, despite previously claiming that she’d make a decision by May.

“After serious and thorough contemplation, I realize that my responsibilities & energy at this time need to be focused on my family. Regretfully, I am currently unable to consider a campaign for the Senate,” she tweeted.

Judd had been making preparations for a run, meeting with Washington and Kentucky Democrats in the months prior to discuss a potential challenge to Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.). (The Hill)

So I guess that’s good news for New Hampshire senator Kelly Ayotte, who reclaims the title of the most “Yeah, I Guess” woman in senate.

This is also great news for Karl Rove, because he and his American Crossroads friends were so worried about Judd’s chances of winning McConnell’s seat that they didn’t even waste any time in launching the above attack ad back in January to turn Kentucky against her. But why waste all of that money on an angry minute of TV space when they could have just showed everyone this clip from Tooth Fairy and had the same results?

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Gerard Butler Wants to Have Sex With Ashley Judd

By Lex March 20, 2013 @ 2:48 PM

Gerard Butler wants to have sex with every woman. He’s had sex with every woman. But at the premiere of his movie Olympus Has Fallen last night, he checked Ashley Judd up and down like he was plotting his specific penile point of entry. You and I couldn’t get away with this sexual visual scrubdown of Ashley Judd. But when Gerard Butler does it, it’s a compliment. We’d be slapped, most likely with a lawsuit, if not an actual hand. Gerard Butler was probably slapped with Ashley Judd’s tit in his face about two hours after the premiere was over in a penthouse suite at the Four Seasons. In short, if you’re rich and famous and good looking and have an accent, you can have whatever the fuck you want. It’s a life option to consider.

Photo credit: Splash News / Getty

Ashley Judd might run for Senate

By brendon December 04, 2012 @ 7:06 PM

ffn_judd_ashley_event

Ashley Judd has been famous for like 15 years, and never once have I heard anyone say, “you know what would be great? If she were a Senator.” That’s because it’s a dumb idea.

The Hollywood movie star and eighth-generation Kentuckian is seriously exploring a 2014 run for the Senate to take on the powerful Republican leader, four people familiar with the matter tell Politico. In recent weeks, Judd has spoken with Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-N.Y.) about the possibility of a run, has discussed a potential bid with a Democratic pollster and has begun to conduct opposition research on herself to see where she’s most vulnerable in the Bluegrass State.

If I were her opponent I would play up the fact that Ashley looks like a fat Chinese baby these days. That won’t go over well in Kentucky. If this pampered Hong Kong millionaire prince thinks he can come over and take our jobs, we’ll he’s got anther thing comin!

Ashley Judds husband won the Indianapolis 500 again

By brendon May 29, 2012 @ 10:15 AM

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Dario Franchitti of Scotland won the Indianapolis 500 for the third time since 2007 on Sunday, and of course his wife Ashley Judd (they’ve been married since 2001) was right there front and center for pictures and interviews when he was done. I wish football was more like that. Every time I watch the Saints I think, “Forget about Drew Brees, what I’d really like to know is what his wife thinks.”

(image source = getty)

Ashley Judd was raped and abused as a child

By brendon April 05, 2011 @ 1:23 PM

ashley-judd

Ashley Judd has written a biography that goes on sale today called “All That Is Bitter & Sweet”, and in it she talks about her surprisingly neglectful, abusive, and drug filled childhood. Radar says…

“My mother, while she was transforming herself into the Naomi Judd, created an origin myth for the Judds that did not match my reality.”
When she was 4, her parent’s marriage dissolved and Naomi had a new man move in with them who Ashley describes as an “abusive full-blown heroin addict with a criminal record” … “there was always marijuana inside the house” and her dad “was prone to taking hallucinogenics with friends on Saturday nights.”

She also claims she was once propositioned by an older man who made out with her. Yeah Ashley, we get it, you were very pretty. You didn’t have to write a book to brag about it.

“An old man everyone knew beckoned me into a dark, empty corner of the business and offered me a quarter for the pinball machine at the pizza place if I’d sit on his lap,” Ashley said.
“He opened his arms, I climbed up, and I was shocked when he suddenly cinched his arms around me, squeezing me and smothering my mouth with his, jabbing his tongue deep into my mouth.”

Wait, is that what she’s calling rape? Because everyone is saying she was raped and I don’t really think that’s rape. It is sexual assault however, and any guy who grabs and gropes a girl should be turned in. Unless I’m the one who did it, in which case lighten up baby.