the Olsen Twins are selling a $55,000 backpack

By brendon December 03, 2012 @ 4:31 PM

olsen_twins_55000_dollar_handbag

Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen are selling 12 backpacks, made of crocodile skin and encrusted with prescription pills (fun fact: Mary Kate was dating Heath Ledger when he overdosed on prescription pills in 2008), as part of their clothing and accessory label named The Row, and they’re selling them for $55,000. Each. Which is at least ten times what I would pay for the actual Olsen Twins. For 55 grand, one of the pills better be a roofie with a map to Marissa Millers bedroom on it.

EVERYONE LOVES THE OLSEN TWINS

By brendon November 13, 2008 @ 9:54 AM

Protestors associated with PETA stood outside a Borders bookstore last night in LA to yell about Ashley and Mary-Kate Olsen, who were on hand to sign copies of their book, "Influence".  I don’t know why PETA did this, but I'm gonna guess the Olsens use fur or wear fur or something something soemthing fur.  PETA really hates that.  Although if the Olsens don't mind spiking little bunnies, I doubt they're gonna mind being called names.  As a general rule, if someone spends their day torturing animals, you're gonna have a tough time upsetting them.

RANDOM MORNING STUFF

By brendon November 15, 2007 @ 11:44 AM

SHERYL CROW IS UPTIGHT – Sheryl Crow doesn't approve of her ex-boyfriend Lance Armstrong dating Ashley Olsen.  Presumably because Lance is 36 and Ashley is 21.  Life and Style says, "Sheryl rolled her eyes and said, 'That's pathetic. Ashley's a kid.' "  Whatever.  Sheryl is just jealous because she's 45, and now her ex is stabbin someone half her age.  If they even are having sex.  Maybe Lance just likes her as a companion.  Ashley Olsen is an amazing woman, and like all 21 year old girls, I bet she has some really fascinating stories.  

BRITNEY CANCELS HER VIDEO - Britney Spears was supposed to shoot the second video from "Blackout" tomorrow, but she has abruptly canceled.  Not surprisingly, the production team assumed this would happen, so they've been rehearsing with a stand-in and are even prepared to shoot some of the video with the double posing as Britney.  Britney will only be needed for close-ups, presumably of her chewing and dancing, then bending over and gasping for air.

KANYE WILL NOT PERFORM TONIGHT – Kanye West has cancelled his performance at tonights Victoria's Secret Fashion Show to mourn the death of his mother, Donda.  Nobody likes a quitter Kanye.

CHRISTINA AGUILERA IS HAVING A BOY
– As first reported by OK! last week, Christina was seen, "on a blue-themed shopping spree at celeb baby boutique Petit Tresor" and if that's not all the proof you need that she's having a boy, while speaking to reporters Tuesday night, Christina referred to her baby as "him."  Still not convinced?  Try punching her in the stomach.  If she says, "oh no, my unborn son!", well there you go.  If not, hey, no harm done.



HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?

By brendon February 27, 2007 @ 1:57 AM

Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen have topped Forbes magazine's list of Hollywood's Top Earning Stars Under 21.   Contact Music says:

The 20-year-old twins earned an estimated $40 million last year from their retail empire to beat Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe to the top of the new rich list. Radcliffe earned an estimated $13 million in 2006 to come in second. Actresses Lindsay Lohan, Dakota Fanning and Amanda Bynes rounded out the top five on the new list.

I started to look up what they meant by "the Olsen's retail empire", but then I got bored and stopped.  Much like I did with my karate.  I was the greatest champion ever and decided it was time to walk away.  But then they kidnapped my daughter to blackmail me into killing the President.  They thought they could control me, but my hands are weapons of justice and my karate chops are tools of freedom!