03.08.2011 Charlie Sheen edition headlines

If you told 10 people that you were planning to go on TV with some porn stars and call yourself a warlock and say how much you love drugs and tell your boss to go fuck himself, I bet almost none of them would say, “Oh yeah that’s a good idea.”

And yet that’s what Charlie Sheen is expecting from people who work with him, specifically his Two and a Half Men co-star Jon Cryer. But Cryer hasn’t, and Sheen is handling it just as you might expect. He tells E!…

“Jon has not called me. He’s a turncoat, a traitor, a troll. Clearly he’s a troll. He issued a statement. Is it gonna take me calling him a ‘traitor, juvenile and scared’ for him to get it?”

You’re gonna find this astounding but Sheen has his facts wrong, and Cryer has not issued a statement. But would Sheen talk to him if he did?

“What’s there to say? I’ll tell him ‘You’re a little late. Goodbye, troll.’ When I’m starring in multimillion-dollar films and he’s begging me for a supporting role I’ll say, ‘You left me out in the cold with all of your guilt and stupidity.’ “

I bet when Sheen announces his new movie, “The Warlock Who Traveled To The Pits Of Doom And Killed All The Trolls Even Chuck Lorres Mom Who Is A Whore And Had A DIck In Her Mouth When He Killed Her And It Was A Black Guys Dick And She Was All Like, Yeah Yeah I’m Chuck Lorres Mom And I Love This Black Guys Dick”, Cryer is gonna feel pretty silly.

In other Sheen news…

WARNER BROTHERS - fired Sheen yesterday on grounds that he violated the morals clause in his contract, so Sheen is suing them because he says he doesn’t even have a morals clause. In a sense, they’re both right. Except for Sheen. Who is wrong. (hollywood reporter)

ROB LOWE - is the new big name meeting with producer Chuck Lorre to replace Sheen on Two and a Half Men. First John Stamos, now Rob Lowe. It’s a parade of comedy legends. (tmz)

AUBREY O’DAY - bent over with her big jugs in a low cut dress while having her hands set in cement outside Planet Hollywood in Vegas. This is related to Sheen in the sense that he likes girls who look slutty.

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Tags: aubrey o day, charlie sheen, chuck lorre, headlines, jon cryer, rob lowe |

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01.13.2010 getting dressed is easy

I told myself I would never mention Aubrey O’Day or Kendra Wilkinson on this page again because their manager is a jackass and so fuck him, but I’m not made of stone. Aubrey was at the clearly-made-up-for-press-coverage California Entertainer of the Year banquet last night, and her breasts looked enormous. Her dress, presumably made of material from earth, was no match for something so fantastic, and so she spent the night trying to cage those animals.

These aren’t the greatest pictures in the world of her, but Perez Hilton hates her and he’s a borderline retarded no-talent sociopath with terrible taste, so that makes me think I would like her quite a bit if I had a better idea of what it is she does exactly. Her face looks a little off here for some reason, but … the rack. It’s huge. Why am I alone on thinking she’s hot? Is this CrazyTown?

(source = splash news online)

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Tags: aubrey o day, nipslip |

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07.01.2009 afternoon headlines

KARL MALDEN - died today at the age of 97. He won the Academy Award in 1951 for “A Streetcar Named Desire”. How did he die? What am I, a scientist? (source = yahoo)

R KELLY - might have had his home raided by Chicago police today searching for evidence of statutory rape. Reports say his current girlfriend is 17, the age of consent in Illinois. Police want to know how old she was when they started “dating”. This is bullshit. A guy marries a 15-year-old, makes a sex tape with a 14-year-old and forces another 15-year-old to get an abortion and all of a sudden he gets labeled as some kind of pervert. (media take out)

AUBREY O’DAY - is the likely replacement for Mel B when Mel ends her run in “Peep Show”, the topless show at the Planet Hollywood casino in Vegas. And my fist is a likely replacement for his teeth if this guy next to me at Starbucks doesn’t stop talking so loud. (source = fox news)

GEMMA ATKINSON - The UK model is in Australia this week, doing whatever the hell all this is. (hq jump = here)

9 photos in gallery >

Tags: aubrey o day, bikini, gemma atkinson, headlines, r kelly, tits |

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02.17.2009 good news for jessica simpson

Over the weekend pictures turned up and it turns out Jessica Simpson has gross veins in her boobs now (relive the magic here). And not subtle ones either. It’s like a map of rivers. But good news for Jess, because Aubrey O'Day was at Fashion Week in New York and it turns out hers are even worse. Look, no one wants to hump Aubrey more than me, but this is gross. It would be like licking a bodybuilders calf.

(picture source = splash news)

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Tags: aubrey o day, jessica simpson |

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12.17.2008 AUBREY IS GAY NOW, PART 2

Last week hints began to go out that Aubrey O'Day was gay now or something. She was seen around on various occasions with a girl she was introducing as her girlfriend and she was saying things like, "she's a lesbian too." Now Us magazine has a quick interview where she all but confirms that she's bi at the very least.

"At this point in my life, I wouldn't say one way or another what my preference is sexually," the former Danity Kane singer tells Usmagazine.com exclusively.
Rumors that O'Day was a lesbian spread throughout Hollywood when she showed up to the Zen Green Tea Liqueur launch party last Wednesday with a woman she was overheard calling her girlfriend. She also brought a gal pal to a Nascar Sprint party in NYC earlier this month.
"The only thing I'm looking for in life is incredible passion and honest love…no matter what options are on the table," she tells Us. "All I really operate on is the way I feel in my heart when it comes to love."

I read one time that Japanese scientists were working on a drug that would make women real horny, and therefore more willing to have a lesbian encounter. Nothing ever came of it of course, because Japanese scientists are goofy perverts, not magical wizards. Besides, they already have a product like that. It’s called, "a Prada handbag". I can’t remember where I was going with this. In summation, Aubrey WILL have sex with other girls. The End.

7 photos in gallery >

Tags: aubrey o day, jenna jameson |

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12.12.2008 AUBREY IS GAY NOW OR SOMETHING

I guess I missed this earlier in the week and I didn’t see it anywhere else so it was easy to miss but I was just reminded of it and Jesus Christ this may be the worst intro I’ve ever done, a bold statement considering I’m barely literate. Page Six says…

HAS Aubrey O'Day (above, left) switched teams? The star showed up the other day at SKY Group's launch of the BlackBerry Pearl Flip at Highbar and later at NASCAR's party at Marquee with a woman she introduced as "my girlfriend."
O'Day said she was making a statement against California's Prop 8, which made gay marriage illegal. Not that she wants to marry her "girlfriend" if Prop 8 is ever overturned. "We don't need a piece of paper to validate our relationship," O'Day joked, adding that her dog, Ginger, was "also a lesbian."

Well very obviously this girl isn’t really a lesbian, but she probably is bi, because all sexy girls are bi. Most of them know it already and admit it, the rest just need enough tequila and/or money. As a footnote, you should know I'm basing this mostly on blind wishful thinking as opposed to any real accepted "facts".

NOTE: that’s not her alleged girlfriend in the banner picture. That’s Playmate Jayde Nicole. It's just fun to picture them getting it on, so that’s why it’s there. UPDATE – I need to mention that the very underrated Media Take Out was the first to talk about this as far as I know, and they say her gf’s name is Stef, and might be the girl in the pictures below. Now wasn’t that exciting?