Audrina Partridge The Blessed

By Matt March 16, 2015 @ 6:31 AM


Dubiously busy Audrina Partridge humble bragged about having not worked out in a year while posting nearly nudes of herself looking like she works out. She made sure to mention she is still in shape and toned and that she has good genes, because she is what scientists refer to as a cunt:

“On a mission to get back into shape and work on dat bootay!!!!… I honestly have not really worked out in a year and have lost my muscle and extra toned body… Give me a couple months to whip it into shape.. I may be petite and skinny genetically but its easy to lose shape!”

If there’s anything fat banshees hate more than a good looking woman it’s working out. You’ve just been thrown the gauntlet. It’s easy to piss off the fat acceptance bloggers but they’re too lazy to do anything. Now you’ve alienated yourself from hoards of hot chicks sweating through yoga class because you’re making them shallower. Let me guess, you are such a pig sometimes because you love a certain burger chain. I think you’re lying. If not you’ll look like shit by the time we have pilot cars. Regardless, in one svelte swoop you may have become the worst person ever. Yet I’d still let you sit on my face. Life is fucked up.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Audrina Patridge Drunk Is Nowhere You Want to Be

By Lex October 27, 2014 @ 2:17 PM

Audrina Patridge And Corey Bohan Get Into A Fight After Halloween Party
We’ve all been there before. You’re dressed like a gay dance troupe cop and you’re drunk mall girlfriend is pressing her finger into your face accusing you of botany, but only because she’s not so good with words. You know eventually she’s going to sink to the sidewalk in tears mumbling the names of her stuffed animals. Then you’re truly fucked. Even a real cop couldn’t mitigate this situation. You could taser her if you thought nobody was looking. But instead you’ll just profusely apologize and hope she doesn’t remember any of it tomorrow because she’s drunk and not particularly bright.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet/AKM-GSI

Audrina’s mom was an inebriated sidewalk sitting Patridge before her daughter picked up the habit:

Audrina Partridge’s Ass Went Shopping

By Travis January 22, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

In case you were worried about the third most famous star of a reality series that was on TV so long ago that most people can’t even remember the name, Audrina Partridge is doing just fine, as is her ass. Both Audrina and her ass went shopping in Los Angeles yesterday, as they regaled each other with tales of that time that they were more than just a woman and her ass that Las Vegas nightclubs paid to host when they couldn’t schedule Carmen Electra in time. But then, like all good times, their day came to an end, as they had to return home to a dumpster behind MTV’s studios, where they’d spend the rest of the day praying to the gods of relevance that somehow their stupid TV show would become an ironic hit on one of the several hundred networks that sad people watch so they can one day afford to go shopping again.

Photo Credits:

People Still Pay Audrina Partridge to Do Stuff

By Travis December 09, 2013 @ 12:00 PM

For as much as $3,000, you could have attended a party at Hyde Bellagio in Las Vegas hosted by “reality star” Audrina Partridge this weekend, and if you actually paid that much money to hang out with a girl who was on The Hills, then I’d like some of whatever drugs you’re selling and smoking. If anything, I’d love to know what Audrina tells people when they ask her what she does for a living, because “reality star” would imply that she’s currently on a TV show, while “really terrible actress in several recent awful movies” would at least be a little more accurate.

Photo Credits: WireImage/Getty

Audrina Partridge And Terrell Owens Were At The Miss Hooters Pageant

By Travis June 28, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Proud fathers from around the world gathered in Las Vegas last night for the 2013 Miss Hooters International Pageant, at which one lucky girl was crowned the most Hooterific Hooters of all the Hooters in this Hooter-loving world. In the end, Kentucky’s Marissa Raisor was named Miss Hooters International, and little girls everywhere tore down their posters of Hillary Clinton to honor their new icon of female empowerment.

Audrina Partridge and Terrell Owens were also there, probably as judges, and I’m sure they talked about a lot of interesting things, including how dry the ink was on their checks and the quality of the free food backstage. “The best food is free food,” I’m sure they said with laughter.

(Photo Credits: Judy Eddy/