Audrina Patridge of the Hills is in FHM this month, and holy shit does she look fantastic. She somehow turned into Carol Alt from 1982 and with way better breasts. The good news is she’s in a bikini, but that’s also the bad news. Meanwhile I’m over here topless. If she has a top, and I need a top, I don’t think it would kill her to let me borrow hers. That’s called “sharing” Audrina. Stop being so stuck up.
11.04.2009 afternoon headlines
HOOPER PENN - is the 16-year-old son of Sean Penn, and last week he was arrested at his prissy Malibu high school. At the time it wasn’t clear why, but now it’s been reveled that - brace yourself - he had drugs. I should go talk to his school about the “Hugs, Not Drugs” program. You, in the front row, with the red hair and big tits, come on up and we’ll show the class how this works. (radar)
JENNIFA YOPEZ - is fighting to stop the release of 11 hours of home video footage, which among other things shows her parading around mostly naked and arguing with her mother. A Latin girl who is overtly sexual but also has a temper? Yeah, right! This sounds fake to me. (enquirer)
AUDRINA PATRIDGE - walked around LA today, and in some of the pictures from this set her arms were up across her chest and you couldn’t see her huge tits. Needless to say I skipped right over those. (pacific coast)
11.01.2009 this halloween was boring
Combining Audrina Patridge and her huge breasts with a Halloween costume that was essentially see-thru sounds perfect, but somehow it didn’t work at all and was just kind of boring. She had to have other options. I’d like to see how she would look as Daisy Duke. I’d also like to see how she would look covered in my semen, but let’s start with the Daisy Duke thing. That seems to be a more manageable goal.
(source = splash news online)
10.26.2009 monday morning headlines
SHAUNA SAND - Put down your coffee and brace yourself, because here comes shocking news: Shauna Sand has decided to stop fighting the release of her sex tape, claiming a lawsuit could be “long and expensive”. Yeah, I got some something long and expensive for you right here baby! Wait. Wait that didn’t make any sense. (tmz)
PARANORMAL ACTIVITY - won the weekend box office with a solid 22M. In its 5th week out, it beat the debut of the much higher profile ‘Saw 6′ by 7.2M. ‘Paranormal’ has now made $62,477,000. Which is $62,462,000 more than it cost to make. It’s the best return on an investment since I got those leather pants. Settle down ladies, there’s plenty of Brendon to go around. (mojo)
ZOMBIE BILLY MAYS - is sure to be this years “not as clever as you thought” Halloween costume, and his son is actually encouraging it by holding a contest for people dressed like his dad, dead or alive. I couldn’t decide what costume to buy, but I tried on one as a member of the Jokers gang in ‘the Dark Knight’. I put on the mask and the fake gun, then went next door to the bank to ask the teller if she liked it. She was a real bitch. All she did was yell at me and call the cops! (people)
AUDRINA PATRIDGE - I don’t know why I’m so attracted to Audrina Patridge, and I don’t know what’s going on in these pictures, but I do know what big tits and half-shirts are. Those are the things giving me an near painful erection right now. (12 more starting here. source = fame)
09.25.2009 afternoon headlines
JUDE LAW - will not see his newborn daughter until Christmas. He barely knew the mother of course, and she lives in Florida now, but Jude will be working in New York for the next few months. If only there was some way to get from New York to Florida, but how?!? Legend says dragons guard the skies overhead, and monsters rule the seas! (ok)
PAM ANDERSON - is broke apparently. She owes various contractors over 1.2 million dollars for construction work and hauling off old debris. Surprisingly that doesn’t refer to plastic surgery, but actual construction work she had done on her house. (star)
JESSICA BIEL - will go to Africa and climb Mt. Kilimanjaro in January to raise awareness about the need for clean water worldwide. Didn’t Rome have clean running water like 3000 years ago? Are the countries who can’t even filter water yet really worth saving? What’s the goal for the year 2500? Shoes? (ap)
AUDRINA PATRIDGE - was at Bardot in LA last night, and somehow shoe-horned her huge rack into a dress that fit like it was a tattoo. It’s why she’s one of the greatest women to have ever lived. (hq jump here. source = wenn)
09.18.2009 detective freckles cracked the case
Nicholas Prugo, 18, was arrested Thursday morning, suspected of robbing the homes of Lindsay Lohan last month and Audrina Patridge back in February.
Lohan’s mother Dina tells PEOPLE, “Yes, we have found [him], God is good.”
Lohan’s Hollywood Hills home was burglarized last month by a young man and woman in which a safe was ripped out of the wall, and bags, shoes and jewelry were stolen.
In February, the apparent same pair broke into Patridge’s Los Angeles home and was caught on tape making off with several bags of her possessions.
Many people think Lindsay was very much a part of the break-in at her house, so it will be interesting to see what comes of this. Prugo was also involved when she was arrested for prostitution last year. Or maybe she wasn’t I don’t know. What am I, in the CIA or something. I can’t keep track of all this crap.
Besides who cares when Audrinas body is this ridiculous. I’m even over the eye thing. She could have eyes at the end of tentacles for all I care, LOOK AT THAT ASS. I would punch that kitty so hard sparks would be coming out of her. And then smoke. The fire marshal would have to come and give me a citation to get me off that ass.
(hq jump here. pictures of her throwing out the first pitch at a Dodgers game on 8.31 here. source = splash and wenn)
