By Lex January 07, 2014 @ 4:33 PM
Audrina Patridge has decided to come clean on the fact that The Hills was an entirely staged television show. Kristin Cavallari said the exact same thing a month ago, but Audrina decided against thundering up an original idea in the empty fruitbasket doctors implanted into her cranium as a child so her head would form somewhat similarly like children with brains.
I actually had to leave early for another event, we were there for about three hours and they were like, ‘You can’t leave until you and Kristin get into a fight. So I’m like, ‘Oh my God, Kristin!’ Kristin’s like, ‘Let’s do it.’ I’m like, ‘OK, c’mon.’
After enunciating such a deep thought, Audrina fell into a deep slumber for 72-hours. When she awoke, she found a set of instructions from her manager to get back into her bikini and to use her mouth only when she needs to remind the men with cameras, ‘I need a check from an American bank’.
Photo Credit: Fitness Gurls Magazine
By Lex December 27, 2013 @ 4:04 PM
Audrina Patridge looks kind of glum. Like she just discovered the little piggies really were just her toes. I thought we all agreed not to let her see the news or science programs. It’s okay, sweetie, go back to thinking about why that giant sucker in the candy store window never gets any smaller.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Lex July 03, 2013 @ 10:34 AM
Audrina Patridge is dumber than a smokestack, but she looks pretty damn amazing in a bikini. In a just world, women like Audrina whose brains are comprised almost entirely of perfume samples might be sweeping a factory floor to pay the rent. But it’s not a just world. So Audrina gets to live her life pretty much suntanning on the beach. We do get to stare at her ass. That’s some consolation.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, INF, PCN
By Lex May 08, 2013 @ 1:09 PM
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be dumb. I don’t mean like the ‘you’re an idiot!’ comments I often get. Or even my truly mediocre educational achievement level. I mean, really dumb. Like a puppy. Where people wave shiny objects and you chase them kind of dumb.
Here’s Audrina Patridge getting her daily organic smoothie.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex May 03, 2013 @ 5:14 PM
Audrina Patridge has the mental processing power of bubble wrap, but she’s super good looking, which makes that first part irrelevant. Yes, attractive people always succeed and the world is unfair and blah blah blah. Suck it up, ugly people. When people pay attention to you, you’ll know it means they really like you as a person, not just a virtual fucktoy. So, there’s that.
Here’s Audrina in STNDRD magazine. They spell about as well I do.
Photo Credit: Stndrd Magazine
By Lex March 21, 2013 @ 12:38 PM
There are two possible reasons for why Audrina Patridge is doing the hula hoop in a bikini on the beach. One, she is pretty dumb. That’s not really so much a reason as it is an explanation for an entire array of inexplicable actions on the part of the former Hills hybrid reality star. Two, she’s being paid. I’m betting on two because even though one is certainly true, I don’t think she finds her way to a toy store to buy a hula hoop all by herself. There’s outside management at work here. In either case, she’d make one hell of a hula hoop instructor. Or trophy wife I could never afford.
Photo credit: WENN