The Academy Award nominees were announced just moments ago in LA, and what jumps out is ‘The Hangover’ for Best Picture, a category that has expanded this year to include 10 nominees. Also noteworthy is Kathyrn Bigelow (James Camerons’ ex-wife) for Best Director, making her just the fourth woman to ever be nominated and the first one that I kind of want to have sex with.

BEST PICTURE
- “Avatar”
- “Up in the Air”
- “Inglourious Basterds”
- “The Hurt Locker”
- “Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire”
- “The Blind Side”
- “Up”
- “District 9”
- “An Education”
- “The Hangover”

The fact that ‘Precious’ includes ‘Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire’ in the title makes me wanna punch somebody. It serves no purpose, it’s just smug ‘New Yorker’ liberal “look how fancy we are” bullshit. How GD specific do they think I need to be when buying a movie ticket. I guess if i just said ‘Precious’, WHO KNOWS what movie I might end up going to. It would be pandemonium.

BEST DIRECTOR
- “Avatar,” James Cameron
- “The Hurt Locker,” Kathryn Bigelow
- “Inglourious Basterds,” Quentin Tarantino
- “Up in the Air,” Jason Reitman
- “Precious,” Lee Daniels

‘Basterds’ is fanfuckingtastic, Tarantinos masterpiece, and ‘Hurt Locker’ is the best movie of the year, but Hollywood has spoken; if your movie isn’t in 3D, fuck you. 3D 3D 3D!!!

BEST ACTOR
- Jeff Bridges, “Crazy Heart”
- George Clooney, “Up in the Air”
- Morgan Freeman, “Invictus”
- Colin Firth, “A Single Man”
- Jeremy Renner, “The Hurt Locker”

I only saw one of these, so I guess you could say I wasn’t impressed by the other 4. Therefore Renner wins.

BEST ACTRESS
- Gabourey Sidibe, “Precious”
- Sandra Bullock, “The Blind Side”
- Meryl Streep, “Julie and Julia”
- Helen Mirren, “The Last Station”
- Carey Mulligan, “An Education”

I’m a little surprised Zoe Saldana isn’t here for ‘Avatar’. She was getting lots of attention. It’s not easy to do good work under those conditions. Hollywood can be pretty shady but they should be commended for their color blind casting. A black actress can win any part and be a big star, like Zoe, Halle Berry or Thandie Newton, just as long as they have enough white features to not frighten the old people who run Hollywood.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
- Matt Damon, “Invictus”
- Woody Harrelson, “The Messenger”
- Christopher Plummer, “The Last Station”
- Stanley Tucci, “The Lovely Bones”
- Christoph Waltz, “Inglourious Basterds”

Waltz is even more of a lock for this than Ledger was last year. Harrelson better OD immediately.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
- Mo’nique, “Precious”
- Anna Kendrick, “Up in the Air”
- Vera Farmiga, “Up in the Air”
- Penelope Cruz, “Nine”
- Maggie Gyllenhaal, Crazy Heart”

I didn’t see any of these movies but Gyllenhaal should win because then I can call her The Sad Cartoon Turtle some more.

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