Last night was the premiere of that "Pop Fiction" show on E!, where celebrities work with the producers from "Punk'd" to pull pranks on the media. And it was every bit as exciting as that made it sound. Idiot celebrities thinking they're clever and way way more interesting than they really are. Avril Lavigne put on some kind of prosthetic to make it look like she was vaguely pregnant. Except it didn't. And then she went on and on about how this was gonna stop the presses and seemed to think people were gonna remember this moment for the rest of their lives. Keep in mind, this prank was pretending that a married woman may or may not be pregnant. Ah, so that's how you do it! I've been fooled!
This entire show will probably be like this. Lame ass celebrities pulling lame ass pranks. Like Nicky Hilton will shop at Dollar Tree or Danny Masterson will wear a spinning bowtie. I just hope my house doesn't collapse from the roars of laughter.
Avril Lavigne is in Miami this week, and even though she's 98 percent naked here, she's so damn irritating she's about as sexy as a garage. She still looks like a little kid. I feel like if we ever had sex, it would be on a race car bed.
In an interview this week with Britain's Q Magazine, Avril Lavigne did what many top experts previously considered impossible, namely making herself look like an even bigger bitch than normal. Us magazine says:
On her polarizing personality: "People love me and people hate me, but I'm comfortable in my own skin and that's what counts. And anyway if you do hate me, you're the loser, not me."
On her competition: "Someone like Kelly Clarkson is beautiful and has a pretty voice, but with me you get a much stronger image. I'm tough, I have a look that girls want to copy, and I sound a particular way. It's good if you're not easily ignored. And I'm not."
On her generosity: "I am a very giving person. When the hurricane thing happened, I went to my closet, filled six boxes of stuff and said to my assistant, 'Take it to Katrina!' I also like to give stuff to people who are my 'workers,' especially if they don't make much money."
I wish I was one of Avrils "workers". Because instead of being paid with money, which is good anywhere, I could be paid in Iron Maiden t-shirts. I would wear it every day. In fact, I'd have too. If any of Avrils workers are reading this, I have two words for you: poison … cigarettes.
(Just as a reminder, NBA Hall of Famer Karl Malone moved 18 pieces of heavy machinery, including three bulldozers and a backhoe, into areas destroyed by Katrina, then personally spent 12 hours a day behind the wheel of a dozer, eventually clearing 114 lots for homeowners whose houses were buried under trees and debris. Avril filled six boxes with torn fishnets and blue mascara, then gave someone else vague instructions. Malone said almost nothing about it at the time. Avril still brings it up three years later, seemingly the only kind act she can think of. Karl also executed the pick-and-roll with seamless perfection during his playing days in Utah, while Avril just stood there like a fuckin stick while the ball bounced off her dopey face. Advantage: Karl Malone)
Avril Lavigne acts like some hardass and lectures everyone else in music and yet her own music is the most empty headed pop nothing imaginable. The Wiggles are like devil music compared to her sugary nonsense. Even dudes at pride week would call her record "faggity" and tell her to butch it up a little. But she does have a hot body and surprisingly big boobs, and as it turns out, girls with big boobs are really interesting and have well thought out opinions. Not to mention, tales of adventure and storytelling so vivid and awesome, it's almost like being there! Please, please go on, you're fascinating! Kelly did what? With Brad right there? OMG LOL!
Avril Lavinge has finally offered a half-hearted apology for spitting on some photographers after leaving a club in LA not once but twice last week. Avril says:
"I'd like to sincerely apologize for my behavior with the Paparazzi. It's trying at best dealing with their insistent intrusions. I meant no offense to my fans, whose relationship I truly value. I have and will always go out of my way for my fans. My behavior was a reaction to the persistent attack from the paparazzi."
Wow. Poor little lamb is really broken up about this. When you watch the video, you can tell by the way she cackles and says “fuck you” three times to fans asking for an autograph, she really does value each and every one of them. She only cursed them out because someone was trying to take her picture. Seems reasonable. Just like the time she burned down a school for the blind because her phone rang.
