MTV quite brazenly turns a buck on the backs of fucked up kids. That seems particularly crass considering we live in a time when neighbors shame march around homes where parents have the gall discipline their kids with spankings. In their latest quest to milk ad dollars from the distressed and the distasteful, MTV is bringing back Anal Teen Mom and her little kindergarten aged girl to watch mom swear and get wasted and confront her pornographic career choices. They’re also going to focus on some other Teen Mom show alums who aren’t yet imprisoned or successful in their suicide attempts.
As part of the hook, MTV is going to show the hard work the production crew undertakes to create bogus reality programming. The behind the scenes stuff is also faked, so it’s a multi-layered forgery that ultimately spirals into a feces shaped Scandinavian ring cake. I want to punch everybody involved. Maybe beat them with pillow cases filled with rolled up socks so they bleed internally while I watch naked girls on HBO Latino. I don’t know why that channel comes in on my set, but I’m certain the scruffy muffin tops are adults and making their own poor decisions. If they were five, I’d turn it off.
Porn isn’t much different than regular Hollywood. When something does well, there’s going to be a sequel. Backdoor Teen Mom Farrah Abraham swore all over her well-greased anus that she was done making porn. But, as of late tomorrow night, she’s got another one coming out. A sequel to her very private anal lovemaking tape with James Deen that mysteriously got leaked to the masturbating world against her will. Once more, Farrah is claiming this second tape, which actually is just unseen sex swing and orifice plunging scenes from the first one, is being released against her will and legal rights. Though her claims to such opposition seem to be in doubt. More importantly, the world is getting what it needs now more than ever. A young mother with a newly divulged sexual molestation past rocking back and forth on a swing while a dude with a spoofy porn name bangs her senseless. Don’t tell me there’s not a higher power watching over us.
Farrah Abraham, everyone’s favorite ATM mom, tried to put a little class in that ass by begging Playboy to let her pose nude. They politely told her to go fuck herself. She first approached the legendary smut peddlers when her porn…er…sex tape was released. She figured she could capitalize on that to get a centerfold. Hef said he was not interested in seeing her muff in his magazine. And not just because he loves dick. She tried again this month because posing in Playboy had always been a “lifelong dream”. Way to dream big, Backdoor Teen Mom . Playboy again told her to take her brand spanking new titty balls elsewhere. But where is elsewhere for Farrah? I’m guessing counter work at Wendy’s where at least teen boys can have a giggle ordering a Biggee Shake from her register.
Farrah Abraham told Howard Stern on his radio show that she likes to shuck her corn watching her own Backdoor Teen Mom videotape. I believe she’s serious too. Which is kind of hot, in an egomaniacal way. Like Einstein staring at the Theory of Relativity on his chalkboard and shouting out, ‘Fuck yeah!’. I had a girlfriend once who thought we should do it in front of a mirror. I looked over at some point and was stricken with the sight of a sweaty blob undulating like a hungry mollusk on top of my lady. I couldn’t get it up for a week. But if Farrah likes to see James Deen peen firing up her poop chute in their inexplicably leaked private sex tape. All the power to her. These are her glory days.
To thank all of you who’ve stuck with us through the transition, our bevy of new readers, and even those people who stayed behind just to kvetch (you remind me so much of my parents), here’s some free porn. We got DVD copies of the Backdoor Teen Mom tape to give away.
We just set up a new Twitter feed for WWTDD. Social media being the big thing for all the crazy kids these days. The 1st and the 50th person to Tweet “I need me some backdoor action” @DurdenShat will win a sweet 70-minute romp with Farrah Abraham’s bunghole. I’ll also give one away to just some random Tweeter today or tomorrow, so keep showing your backdoor love.