These pictures of Bar Refaeli at last nights Vanity Fair party got me wondering where Jewish people rank her on lists of great Jews throughout history. Jews love organizing things, so I knew they would have plenty of lists like that, and I was right. But then things quickly took a perplexing turn. It seems crazy, but none of the lists I found even had her in the top 5? Oh I know, right? What the hell is that all about?
Moses, Abraham, David and Jesus were in most of the top 5 lists because of their miracles and religious leadership, but if all 4 of them were doing pretty much the same thing, how hard could it have really been? Meanwhile there’s only one Bar. So those 4 are out.
That leaves only Einstein, whose Theory of Relativity showed how a large amount of energy could be released from a small amount of matter. This would eventually lead to the atomic bombs that killed 250,000 Japanese in WWII. Unlike Einstein’s insatiable thirst for blood and hunger to kill, Bar sends only a message of love and peace.
So do these new findings mean that Bar Refaeli is the greatest Jew of all time? According to the data, yes. Yes she is.
Physically perfect girl Bar Refaeli was in Mexico this weekend, and the only thing hotter than Bar in a bikini is Bar in a bikini with two friends, who are also hot chicks with big tits and in bikinis.
In fact these pictures are a little too good, and when they ended I got really sad. It was the saddest ending since ‘Old Yeller’. I don’t think I’m being unmanly when I admit that I cried for over an hour. Why did the pictures have to go away?
DECEPTIVE UPDATE - Actually there’s no update. I just wanted this back on top. I updated the headline. Does that count?
(source = splash news online)
AXL ROSE - made a very rare public appearance and played a secret show this weekend in New York. Unfortunately the only guy who filmed it had never heard of a camera before, and no one told him what they were or how they worked. (foundry)
LEONARDO DICAPRIO - is not engaged to supermodel Bar Refaeli, despite some reports saying he is. He should settle down and get married. Finally see what everyone is raving about. (pop eater)
BRAD PITT AND QUENTIN TARANTINO - really love weed, but not while they work, so they didn’t smoke any while filming ‘Inglorious Basterds’. They tried, but the result was the first 45 minutes of the movie showing Brad asking if anyone ever noticed that cats have grandparents, and then everyone else agreeing that this was totally fucked up. (daily news)
BRAD PITT AND ANGELINA JOLIE - are in Venice, Italy today, holding hands and smiling while getting ice cream with Maddox, Pax, Zahara and Shiloh, who was dressed in a little bear cub (monkey?) hat. If these pictures were any more wholesome, they would be listed by the government as a source of calcium. (fame and inf)
Leonardo DiCaprio (picture not found) will be on hand to help raise money for tonight’s Hope for Haiti Now telethon, and even though it won’t begin until 8pm on the east coast, it’s working already. They just made another million. MTV says…
Leonardo DiCaprio has donated $1 million to the Clinton Bush Haiti Fund. The actor, who will be on hand Friday night (January 22) for MTV’s “Hope for Haiti Now: A Global Benefit for Earthquake Relief” telethon, is the latest Hollywood A-lister to donate a large amount to help Haiti’s recovery after last Tuesday’s 7.0 earthquake.
George Clooney has given $1 million to relief for victims, as have Sandra Bullock and Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. Gisele Bundchen donated $1.5 million to the cause, and Madonna, who will perform in New York for the telethon, said she’s donated $250,000.
According to a list on Forbes from 2007, Gisele is worth 70M, Bullock is worth 85M, and Madonna is worth 325M. They also say Madonna made another 120 last year. So she’s worth 5 times what Giselle is, yet gave 5 times less. In other words, the young sexy girl was generous and kind while the mean old lady was miserly and cruel. I knew it. This is why I don’t trust people who are unattractive.
(the internet didn’t have any leonardo dicaprio pictures, and the closest i could find were pictures of his girlfriend in a bikini)
CONAN O’BRIEN - is close to signing a 40 million dollar settlement with NBC to walk away from the Tonight Show, but as part of the deal he can’t insult NBC any more. If he does continue to make fun of them, NBC swears to God it’ll tell the teacher and then Conan is gonna be in so much trouble. (wsj)
BRITNEY SPEARS - might be crazy again, and her dad is threatening to send her back to a mental ward. Unfortunately his thick accent made “mental ward” sound like “menaward”, so Britney was sent to the GQ Mens Award show. That probably won’t help. (national enquirer)
KIM KARDASHIAN - shot down a rumor that she would get engaged to Reggie Bush if the New Orleans Saints won the Super Bowl, but the Minnesota Vikings insist it’s true. “That bitch is lying,” they said. “Reggie should stay out in LA and follow her around all night if that’s what it takes.” (us.com)
BAM MARGERA - is doing porn now. Or something. I’ll be honest I got as far as “Porn” and “Bam Mar…” before getting disgusted. (foundry)
LEONARDO DICAPRIO - is back together with Bar Refaeli apparently, because they went to a Laker game last night. I didn’t even know they had broken up. What else have you been hiding from me you son of a bitch! (splash news online)
Well, not specifically this reason. Not because Bar Rafaeli has new bikini pictures in Victorias Secret. But because of girls in general. The Enquirer says…
Oprah Winfrey is quitting her show for her BFF Gayle King - and they’re moving in together!
The move will also mark the end of Oprah’s longtime relationship with Stedman Graham, (as Oprah) focuses her attention on grooming Gayle for her own talk show…
As part of her plan, Oprah intends to move Gayle into “The Promised Land,” her sprawling 42-acre estate in Montecito, Calif., which she’s told pals will be her primary residence.
If working thinly veiled allusions to lesbian sex into a news story was an Olympic event, then “focuses her attention on grooming Gayle” would win the silver but still fall short to “intends to move Gayle into The Promised Land”, which would smash every world record ever seen.
