Actor Jesse Heiman’s IMDB profile reads like a jock’s wedgie hitlist, with roles like “Nerd”, “Member of the High School Video Club”, “Chubby Young Adult”, “Comic Shop Customer”, “Geek” and “Winking Comic Book Nerd” under his hiked up belt. But the 34-yeqar old actor started off 2013 with his biggest role yet, as “That dork who got to make out with Bar Refaeli” in Go Daddy’s Super Bowl ad.
He followed that up by sucking face with Jaime Pressly in the music video for Michael Bublé’s “It’s a Beautiful Day”, but as you can see above, she was the 47th most attractive girl in that video. Last Thursday, Heiman took another step down the ladder as Real Housewives of Beverly Hills cast member Brandi Glanville laid a sneak attack tongue bath all over Heiman’s patchy red complexion.
The 40-year-old model licked and kissed actor Jesse Heiman — best known for his Go Daddy Super Bowl commercial with Bar Refaeli — at the Pieces (of Ass) 10th Anniversary Show in Hollywood.
Despite their over-the-top PDA, Glanville seems to be dating other people. “Why do I like my boyfriends just a little bit more when they ignore me?” she tweeted. (US Magazine)
Heiman looked pretty upset when Brandi went in for the kill, and he should be. If Refaeli is a perfect 10, then Glanville is a .4. If Bar is an Oreo cookie, Brandi isn’t even a Hydrox. She’s like a vanilla wafer colored black with a Sharpie. Heiman should consider hiring bodyguards, like Gaddafi’s Amazonian Guard. They’d probably work for cheap right now.
Bar Refaeli is just 27-years old and is already a world famous super model and well on her way to becoming one of the first billionaires that the profession has ever known, so she naturally has some people from her past that are jealous and spiteful of her fame. That obviously doesn’t include her ex, Leonardo DiCaprio, who spends his days semi-retired from acting and frolicking on his yacht with a dozen topless models.
But it does include pretty much everyone in Israel, where Bar was born and raised. It’s also where she was supposed to serve in the army like every 18-year old Israeli, but Bar knew she was too hot for that nonsense, so she married a friend in order to dodge the draft. Now that the Israeli foreign ministry wants to celebrate its hottest native daughter, the country’s army is calling bullshit.
“I wish to turn your attention to the negative message that could be delivered to Israeli society,” an army spokesman wrote to the foreign ministry.
The foreign ministry’s private response to the military was to mind its own business. As diplomats, though, their public reaction was phrased more carefully: “Bar Refaeli … is considered one of the most beautiful women in the world and she is widely recognized as Israeli. There is no reason to dredge up the past when we are dealing with a public diplomacy campaign of this kind.” (NBC News)
The Israeli army contends that Bar disqualified herself from being a spokesperson for the country by ditching her mandatory service, but the foreign ministry is taking the much higher road by simply pointing out that she’s incredibly attractive and men around the world might be dumb enough to visit Israel if they think that she’d sleep with some random fat schmuck.
Bar Refaeli went on twitter today to post another picture of herself in a bikini (which she’s been doing a lot lately; the other ones are from last month). Guess I missed the memo that says to be popular on twitter you have to post a bunch of smut and raunchy pictures. #saynotoporn
Whenever I go to a high school and speak with todays young people about making positive choices, one topic that’s sure to come up is sex. Girls will ask if it’s ok to take sexy pictures and post them on twitter. Like Bar Rafaeli did last night. And I tell them yes, yes it is. Then I pretend to take a call from Justin Bieber and loudly say, “what’s that, you want to party tonight with some girls who like to have fun? Well where am I supposed to find girls like that, Justin Bieber?”
I’m a big fan of stealing shit off the internet, because I’m poor financially but rich in a sense of entitlement, but Louis CK is selling his latest special, ‘Live at the Beacon Theater’, on his website for just 5 dollars. And it’s a real special, filmed 4 weeks ago in New York, with all new material, and it looks like any other special you’d see on HBO or whatever. Here’s a clip.
So why steal that when you can download an HD copy for 5 dollars. After all, Louis CK has been nothing but nice to you. He’s the one who sent flowers to your mom when you forgot her birthday. And remember a few years ago when a guy fell on the subway tracks and a total stranger risked his life to save him? That was Louis.
And now, unrelated pictures of Bar Refaeli in the 2012 Passionata calendar.
In news that is at least as important as the VMAs, supermodel Bar Refaeli spent the weekend on a yacht and swimming in the ocean in Portofino, Italy. It seems like that’s the new celebrity hotspot for going on a yacht and swimming in the ocean. That’s why I’m building my underwater layer there, complete with giant robot claws to grab the supermodels like Bar (cue evil “Dun-Dun-Dun” music).