If you’re fortunate enough to be the best damn soccer player in Slovakia, on your 25th birthday you are permitted to tour the nation’s villages and take for yourself the best looking young woman with a slightly off English spelled name to be your bride. Also, you get to bang all of her friends and her lumpy Aunt Lucia who rode a cow to work as a child laborer. Martin Skrtel did himself pretty decent in grabbing up this hot chick Barbora. She seems free of the gang tattoos and quarantine notifications that plague many of her country women since the Czechs decided to break away. Her reflective sunglasses and whale tail tell me that she’s going to be just fine when Martin moves on to his next official lady. The Slavs haven’t survived 1,500 years of European nonsense without solid backup plans like running black hat cybercrime farms and exotic dancing. There’s also Nordic combined skiing, but that doesn’t pay as well as snatching ten million eBay accounts.