Barron Hilton Lets His Beatdown Go Unpunished

By Lex December 23, 2013 @ 4:10 PM

Barron Hilton Goes Paddle Boarding With His Girlfriend Vanessa DuBasso In Hawaii
According to Barron Hilton, he got his ass unfairly kicked at Lindsay Lohan’s Miami house party while Lindsay watched and snickered. The entire Hilton family came to Barron’s defense, because what sort of coke-fueled douchebag heir doesn’t tell the truth when it comes to how he took his latest beating. Barron Hilton went through the semantics of filing a police report to get the ball rolling on bringing his attacker to justice. When Miami police contacted Barron about the case, he decided not to answer. Instead, he took his girlfriend to Hawaii so he could nail her in the ocean while she made him tell her again how much money he’d have after his parents died in an accidental bludgeoning incident. The police closed the case since none of them really gave a shit in the first place about some asshole getting his face clocked a few times. When people tell you it’s pretty damn cold to wish violence upon another person, just bring up the name Barron Hilton and they’ll give you a pass.

Photo Credit: PCN

BARRON HILTON PLEADS NO CONTEST

By brendon April 09, 2008 @ 12:17 PM

Back in February, Barron Hilton – the younger brother of Paris and Nikki – was arrested for DUI.  His BAL was .14, almost twice the legal limit.  Actually, since Barron is 18, and 21 is the legal drinking age, even a .01 BAL is illegal.  He also had a fake ID and ran over an attendant at a Malibu gas station.  But since all of this happened in California, he will of course do no jail time.  People magazine says…

Barron pleaded no contest to driving under the influence Wednesday and was sentenced by a Malibu court to three years probation and was ordered to visit a morgue.
Barron, 18, also pleaded no contest to having a fake ID. A second DUI count and a charge of being an unlicensed driver were dropped, the Los Angeles District Attorney's Office confirms.
Barron was also sentenced to two alcohol education classes and had his license suspended for a year. He's due back in court on June 4 for a restitution hearing for the gas station employee's car he allegedly hit.

Let news of this judgment spread across the land.  Drunk drivers of California, you have been warned.  If you drive drunk, and almost kill countless others, you WILL go to a class and be inconvenienced for two, maybe even three hours.  Also, you will take a field trip to the morgue.  Mrs Dennison’s fourth grade class will also be there, and they will remember it as "totally boss and cool", but you will be forever haunted by your memories of the place where the Coke machine took your dollar.

AND OF COURSE THIS HAPPENED

By brendon February 12, 2008 @ 5:53 PM

If there was any lingering doubt that the entire Hilton family is a plague upon the earth, last night 18-year-old Barron Hilton, younger brother of Paris and Nikki, was arrested for DUI. His BAL was .14, almost twice the legal limit.  Actually, since Barron is 18, and 21 is the legal drinking age, even a .01 BAL is illegal.  Oh and he also had a fake ID and ran over an attendant at a Malibu gas station.  Why?  Because he's a Hilton.  TMZ says:

Fernando (he did not want to give his last name), who works at the 76 station on Pacific Coast Highway and Corral Canyon, tells TMZ he was working as the cashier, taking inventory of the pumps when he saw Barron's car driving the wrong way on PCH. Fernando and Paul, a mechanic at the station, say they saw a grey Nissan pickup with two guys inside following Barron's Mercedes. Fernando and Paul say Barron pulled into their station and began driving wildly in circles.
Fernando says he was standing at one of the pumps when Barron's car struck his leg. Fernando says the impact threw him over the pump and caused bruises.
Fernando adds when Barron came to a stop, the two guys in a Nissan jumped out and grabbed the keys in Barron's car, so he couldn't continue driving. Fernando says the two guys told him that Barron hit their car earlier, and Fernando saw a dent on the left side of the Nissan.

How is it I've managed to go my entire life without ever getting a DUI?  Is it magic?  Yes, that must be it.  It must be magic.