Just Look at That Fucking Batmobile

By Lex May 14, 2014 @ 2:15 PM

Zack Snyder Posts Photo Of Batman And Batmobile To Twitter
Every couple of years dudes who reflexively rub their nipples while reading comic books get to geek out together over what the new Batsuit or the Batmobile look like. Then they all argue over whether the latest actor picked to play Batman is Batman enough, the conversation of which is far gayer than Ben Affleck micro grooming his beard in the mirror. Director Zack Snyder who helped humanize Superman into a emo pussy in Man of Steel is now helming the Superman vs. Batman sequel wherein we can once again learn that sad feelings are the universal Kryptonite. But just look at that fucking Batmobille. And Ben Affleck’s mighty muscles. I wish that horse hadn’t killed Christopher Reeve so he could see this.

Photo Credit: Zack Snyder/Twitter

Justin Bieber Is Trying To Ruin Superman

By Travis September 16, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Justin Bieber has every comic book geek from here to Metropolis freaking out over the above image that he posted to Instagram on Saturday, because everyone thinks it means that the boy with the mustache made of pubes is actually going to be in Batman vs. Superman. Realistically, Warner Bros. just sent him a copy of the script because he’s a huge celebrity and keeping the plot a secret is for pussies. But on the awful chance that Zack Snyder values his and Superman fans so little, we can at least hope for a reprisal of Bieber’s greatest acting moment to date.

Childhood Is Officially Dead, Ben Affleck Is Batman

By Jack August 23, 2013 @ 2:14 PM

Ben Affleck is going to play Batman in the sequel to Zack Snyder’s Man of Steel. Let that sink in. If you need a moment to go into the bathroom and cry and cut yourself, I understand. Snyder announced at Comic-Con this year that in the next Superman movie the Man of Steel would team up with Batman. The question then became who would play Batman now that Christian Bale screamed and emoted that he doesn’t want to do it anymore. Oceans of cyber-ink were spilled by nerds in chat rooms endlessly speculating about who it could be. No one saw this coming. Sure, Affleck turned out to be a pretty decent film director but he’s also seen far and wide as a bit of a softie, pretty boy, limited skills actor. Granted, he is one of the few actors in Hollywood who still has sex with women, so there’s that if it helps you sleep at night.

‘Dark Knight Rises’ has a poster and a trailer

By brendon July 12, 2011 @ 10:54 AM

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Warner Brothers will use it’s biggest franchise ever to kick off two of its other premiere titles when it runs the first trailers for both ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ and ‘Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows’ in front of ‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows’ when it opens this Friday. And not only that but Warners has released the first poster for the Batman sequel as well (full size copy here). I guess it shows Gotham crumbling because of something the bad guys did. But I don’t feel sorry for them because when they built their buildings into the shape of a bat, they had to know that would be bad luck.

Friday headlines, with Lindsay Lohan and green ooze

By brendon May 06, 2011 @ 5:46 PM

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THE DARK KNIGHT RISES – had it’s first day of filming today in India, and already there are mysterious pictures from the set showing a green ooze. And the internet is all, “Is that the Lazarus Pit? Is Ra’s al Ghul in this? That’s so stupid, that doesn’t fit the canon, this is Batman in real life! This movie sucks, I hate it!” (latino review)

WHITNEY HOUSTONS DAUGHTER – was arrested for possession of alcohol (she’s 18) after some kind of gun fight between her friends and her ex boyfriend. A shocked and frightened Whitney has heard to ask, “Does anyone know what happened to the alcohol, where is it now?” (the enquirer)

THE OFFICE – had it’s first episode with Will Ferrell replacing Steve Carell last night, and the ratings were down 17 percent. If I were them I’d just keep saying Carell is on it and see how long before people figure it out. (thr)

THOR – has 175 reviews so far, and an impressive 80 percent of them are positive. Although a lot of them sound like Hollywood has lowered our summer expectations to a degree where all you have to do to get a good review is not completely fuck everything up. (rotten tomatoes)

X MEN FIRST CLASS – has a new character trailer, this time for Mystique, who is played by Oscar nominee Jennifer Lawrence. Of course if she was any good she would have won. If Julia Roberts has one, how hard could it really be. (youtube)

LINDSAY LOHAN – began her community service today at a women’s shelter in Los Angeles, although you’re forgiven if you assumed the green ooze in the headline was going to have something to do with her vagina. In your defense we’re still not sure it doesn’t. (inf)

a Batman reboot is planned after this Batman reboot

By brendon March 29, 2011 @ 4:44 PM

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Jeff Robinov is the new president of the motion picture group at Warner Bros., and one of his immediate goals is to make sure we all get to see a new Batman franchise in a few years, one that will no doubt tell the same story as the current Batman franchise, only not as well.

The LA Times says…

(Robinovs) first priority: Finally getting the Justice League, DC’s team featuring all its top characters, on the big screen in 2013.
Also being written for Warner are scripts featuring the Flash and Wonder Woman, who could be spun off into their own movies after Justice League.
Batman will continue to be a centerpiece beyond next year’s “The Dark Knight Rises” and Christopher Nolan’s departure from the franchise.
Robinov says, “We have the third Batman, but then we’ll have to reinvent Batman…Chris Nolan and [his producing partner] Emma Thomas will be producing it, so it will be a conversation with them about what the next phase is.”

I don’t know if it’s because real people just look goofy in those costumes or what, but unless they’re done incredibly well, superhero movies are kind of stupid, and more often than not they’re terrible, if not worse. Even a gynecologist from the 1600’s would say Batman and Robin was the worst thing he’s ever seen.