By Lex October 29, 2014 @ 12:59 PM
There are things I love about Los Angeles. The weather, the Mexican food so authentic the tortillas have tuberculosis baked right in, the fact that girls don’t ask lots of followup questions when you tell them you work in the moving pictures business. Then there’s shit I hate. I could make a list, but a photo of Adam Levine, his Namibian model wife, and court-side Lakers seats about sums it up. It’s that singular moment when all that Al Qaeda ranted crap from caves about Western evils kind of makes sense. Not enough sense to wrap a towel around my head and fly to Damascus to behead journalism majors, but enough that if I stumbled into a Prodigy chat room where jihadis were plotting to kidnap Adam Levine to show the infidels who was boss, I’d probably not report them. Does that make me un-American or the best American ever? History will decide.
Photo Credit: Splash/AKM-GSI
By Lex October 21, 2014 @ 10:39 AM
As much as it will cost a small Asian village a week of textile wages, a few child starvations are the price of seeing a bunch of Victoria’s Secret models without their lingerie. Underwear is but a contrivance of a polite society. An artificial waste of time that I would insist only apply to the male population were I the handsomest President ever. Jesus weeps when nice tits are covered. I’m pretty sure that’s from Gospels.
These photos are from the Angels book by Russell James which features a bunch of the Victoria’s Secret models topless as well as Kendall Jenner rolled up in a naked ball just because that’s a good way to sell copies. Fuck, that’s a good way to sell anything. Yes, that is Kendall Jenner rolled up naked in the back of my ’97 Subaru Outback just like I wrote in my Craigslist ad. Now, how about you write me a fat $700 check and take them both.
Photo Credit: Russell James
By Lex September 19, 2014 @ 10:17 AM
This chick seems pretty happy considering she just bound herself to Adam Levine for somewhere between a lifetime and irreconcilable differences early 2016. It’s the discomforting binds of an AT&T mobile contract with the further displeasure of Adam Levine making you sleep in the wet spot. Girls from Africa tend to be whimsical in their decisions. When you live in constant fear of viral outbreak and Oscar Pistorius being your boyfriend, you live for the now. I could see how an insufferable pretty boy pop star fits into that mindset. Once Behati gets a taste for America and realizes she won’t die from mosquito bites, she’ll take the pre-nup payout and start on older, quiet, Arizona real estate magnate husband number two.
Photo Credit: INF
By Lex July 31, 2014 @ 3:32 PM
Ten days seems like a long time to be married to Adam Levine. You’ve got to be cursing the damn environmentally sound sun oven in your designer kitchen which will only bake your head slowly on cloudless days. Women don’t like messy exits. Poison, suffocation, watching The View until your medulla oblongata melts. Now that women’s magazines can no longer speculate about the dating or the marriage, they’ve turned their attention to asking Prinsloo about making babies. Blessed to be born naturally dumb, the Victoria’s Secret model doesn’t require the services of a public relations agent to empty up her responses:
I have no expectations. Not in a bad way, but I’ve learned that you can’t plan ahead. I live day by day and see what happens. It’s vague, but I like it that way.
It’s that vagabond throw caution to the wind mentality that led Prinsloo to marry People magazine’s sexiest sex pot man alive who also happens to be worth about $50 million. That was pretty randomly day by day fortunate. I give them another ten days, unless she does get pregnant, then twenty.
Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret
By Jack July 21, 2014 @ 1:14 PM
Adam Levine somehow managed to land himself a Victoria’s Secret model wife. It reminds me of a little piece of advice my grandfather gave me when I asked him why girls didn’t want to date sweet lovable guys like me, “Mijo, chicks are fucking crazy and they love assholes”.
Read all about the fucktard and his Namibian princess bride. (Dlisted)
Lea Michele may be a killer shrew, but she wears a bikini well, damn her. (Drunken Stepfather)
Selena Gomez wears one of your grandma’s doilies and still gives you a hard-on. (Huffington Post)
Casey Kasem’s mummified corpse has gone missing. (The Superficial)
Emily Ratajkowski is practically swimming out of this bikini. (The Chive)
Homunculus ‘roidhead The Rock is going to render unto us Shazam. (io9)
Former Miss Universe Olivia Culpo remains super fucking hot.(TMZ)
By Travis May 05, 2014 @ 1:00 PM
In one of the celebrity whoring videos that Proactiv passes off as a commercial, Maroon 5 singer Adam Levine talks about how he used to be a total loser geek like the rest of us before he became a huge star. He had really bad acne in high school and that crushed his self-esteem, but then he got his hands on some magic face-cleaning jizz and suddenly he was a huge global music superstar and one of the people on The Voice. Somewhere in between, his heart was also ripped out of his chest by Anne V., so he made up for it by getting engaged to Behati Prinsloo, who he posed with in this otherwise stupid selfie of his new blond hairstyle. The point of this is that we should all make fun of Adam for being a huge douchebag, but he probably doesn’t give two shits what anyone thinks of him anymore. And if he does, he’ll wait until after he’s done finishing on Behati’s chest to let us know about it.
Photo Credits: Adam Levine’s Twitter