Behati Prinsloo Nip Slip At Oscar Party

By Lex February 24, 2015 @ 10:24 AM

Behati Prinsloo Nip Slip At Vanity Fair Oscar Party
Like much of America, the entrance of Maroon 5 at the Oscars signaled a four minute window to take a much needed dump. If I want to see handsome men moping, I can sit outside any casting call in this town. That is how I intend to spend my golden years. Watching those who God anointed beautiful realizing once more they will be on their knees that evening blowing for their rent money. Fuck the pigeons in the park. Cosmic vengeance won’t shit on your jacket.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet/Getty

Behati Prinsloo Remains Pretty Hot

By Lex January 15, 2015 @ 8:31 AM

Behati Prinsloo Wears Bikinis For January
In between wishing Adam Levine to drown in the tiniest of urine puddles, there’s some begrudging respect for being in a band and using it to bone tons of hot women. That’s execution to a solid plan. I flipped the TV on in the middle of the night recently and saw that same fortunate fuck talking about how he had Domino’s pizza skin until he tried this acne cream that gave him a clear complexion and the power to stick his dick inside foreign lingerie models. I ordered some. I want skin like polished alabaster and the sensation of a Namibian woman shrieking shit in Zulu on top of my neglected manhood. Two years from now if you flip on the TV screen in the middle of the night and see me hawking the cream, you can wish me dead in that same piss puddle. That will only make it sweeter.

Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret

Adam Levine and His Wife Who Looks Better in Modeling Photos Seem Lovable

By Lex October 29, 2014 @ 12:59 PM

Behati Prinsloo Wears Crop Top Showing Off Toned Abs While Attending A Lakers Game With Husband Adam Levine
There are things I love about Los Angeles. The weather, the Mexican food so authentic the tortillas have tuberculosis baked right in, the fact that girls don’t ask lots of followup questions when you tell them you work in the moving pictures business. Then there’s shit I hate. I could make a list, but a photo of Adam Levine, his Namibian model wife, and court-side Lakers seats about sums it up. It’s that singular moment when all that Al Qaeda ranted crap from caves about Western evils kind of makes sense. Not enough sense to wrap a towel around my head and fly to Damascus to behead journalism majors, but enough that if I stumbled into a Prodigy chat room where jihadis were plotting to kidnap Adam Levine to show the infidels who was boss, I’d probably not report them. Does that make me un-American or the best American ever? History will decide.

Photo Credit: Splash/AKM-GSI

Victoria’s Secret Models Sell Better Without Lingerie

By Lex October 21, 2014 @ 10:39 AM

Nude Angels Abbey Lee Kershaw
As much as it will cost a small Asian village a week of textile wages, a few child starvations are the price of seeing a bunch of Victoria’s Secret models without their lingerie. Underwear is but a contrivance of a polite society. An artificial waste of time that I would insist only apply to the male population were I the handsomest President ever. Jesus weeps when nice tits are covered. I’m pretty sure that’s from Gospels.

These photos are from the Angels book by Russell James which features a bunch of the Victoria’s Secret models topless as well as Kendall Jenner rolled up in a naked ball just because that’s a good way to sell copies. Fuck, that’s a good way to sell anything. Yes, that is Kendall Jenner rolled up naked in the back of my ’97 Subaru Outback just like I wrote in my Craigslist ad. Now, how about you write me a fat $700 check and take them both.

Photo Credit: Russell James

Behati Prinsloo Wears Lingerie For Victoria’s Secret

By Lex October 21, 2014 @ 8:15 AM

Behati Prinsloo Wears Lingerie For Victorias Secret

Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret

Behati Prinsloo Models In A Bikini

By Lex September 19, 2014 @ 10:17 AM

Behati Prinsloo Models In A Bikini In Malibu
This chick seems pretty happy considering she just bound herself to Adam Levine for somewhere between a lifetime and irreconcilable differences early 2016. It’s the discomforting binds of an AT&T mobile contract with the further displeasure of Adam Levine making you sleep in the wet spot. Girls from Africa tend to be whimsical in their decisions. When you live in constant fear of viral outbreak and Oscar Pistorius being your boyfriend, you live for the now. I could see how an insufferable pretty boy pop star fits into that mindset. Once Behati gets a taste for America and realizes she won’t die from mosquito bites, she’ll take the pre-nup payout and start on older, quiet, Arizona real estate magnate husband number two.

Photo Credit: INF