By Lex September 30, 2015 @ 9:31 AM
Sometimes I like to leer at the tits on the wives of dude’s I don’t think I’d like very much and imagine it bothers the shit out of them. Pretty fucking petty. Deep down, I know they are soaking it all in. Which just proves there’s no way to win. Cover her face in your divine reproduction and you only make Adam Levine that much stronger. Your jizz will clear up his acne. Maybe not his wife’s, but she can afford foundation. Growing up is all about realizing some battles can’t be won. Also, some girls have nicer tits than others. That got shorted in sex ed.
Photo Credit: Jacquie
By Matt April 20, 2015 @ 8:23 AM
Victoria’s Secret angel and chick who fucks Adam Levine with a straight face Behati Prinsloo posted a photo of herself in a chlamydia oozing pool and captioned it with “#Casual#Dudesoup#mexico.” The only thing casual about this panic inducing cess pond is the ease at which these gents are staring at your ass while they urinate. Perhaps there’s a language barrier but you don’t want to be throwing the phrase Dude Soup around unless you are seeking another modeling contract and are ordering a bowl of it. You’re on salary now. They can’t hurt you anymore. Sometimes when you are rocking a pretty husband you feel the need to be in the presence of a bunch of smelly dude bros eating pool nachos. Not that you’d act on whatever gang bang fantasies you may or may not have. I don’t know, I’m not a doctor. It’s like the smoker who quit a few months back but doesn’t mind if you blow it in your face. We had some good times. This is business.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Jack April 01, 2015 @ 12:00 PM
The wind did us all a favor and blew up Behati Prinsloo’s skirt at a Tommy Hilfiger show. I guess God wanted to see her ass. Or she did. Thought probably not her husband who still finds girl parts gross.
Check out Behati’s lovely bare ass. (TMZ)
Robert Pattinson might wed his latest beard FKA Twigs. (Huffington Post)
Gigi Hadid sports a towel and that’s all. (Egotastic)
Niykee Heaton is covered topless and it is amazeballs. (Drunken Stepfather)
Josie Maran in a rare set of candid bikini pictures. (Hollywood Tuna)
Nina Agdal hot bikini body like a fucking champ. (Popoholic)
I’ve never wanted to fuck Boba Fett…until now. (The Chive)
By Lex March 24, 2015 @ 1:10 PM
That awkward moment when you accidentally catch sight of your buddy’s wife’s nipples. You shouldn’t look, but you do. God made your nuts, he didn’t write anybody’s wedding vows. I don’t know what to say. You’re a pig. Embrace it. She’s got nice nips.
Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret
By Lex February 24, 2015 @ 10:24 AM
Like much of America, the entrance of Maroon 5 at the Oscars signaled a four minute window to take a much needed dump. If I want to see handsome men moping, I can sit outside any casting call in this town. That is how I intend to spend my golden years. Watching those who God anointed beautiful realizing once more they will be on their knees that evening blowing for their rent money. Fuck the pigeons in the park. Cosmic vengeance won’t shit on your jacket.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet/Getty
By Lex January 15, 2015 @ 8:31 AM
In between wishing Adam Levine to drown in the tiniest of urine puddles, there’s some begrudging respect for being in a band and using it to bone tons of hot women. That’s execution to a solid plan. I flipped the TV on in the middle of the night recently and saw that same fortunate fuck talking about how he had Domino’s pizza skin until he tried this acne cream that gave him a clear complexion and the power to stick his dick inside foreign lingerie models. I ordered some. I want skin like polished alabaster and the sensation of a Namibian woman shrieking shit in Zulu on top of my neglected manhood. Two years from now if you flip on the TV screen in the middle of the night and see me hawking the cream, you can wish me dead in that same piss puddle. That will only make it sweeter.
Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret