By Matt April 20, 2015 @ 8:23 AM
Victoria’s Secret angel and chick who fucks Adam Levine with a straight face Behati Prinsloo posted a photo of herself in a chlamydia oozing pool and captioned it with “#Casual#Dudesoup#mexico.” The only thing casual about this panic inducing cess pond is the ease at which these gents are staring at your ass while they urinate. Perhaps there’s a language barrier but you don’t want to be throwing the phrase Dude Soup around unless you are seeking another modeling contract and are ordering a bowl of it. You’re on salary now. They can’t hurt you anymore. Sometimes when you are rocking a pretty husband you feel the need to be in the presence of a bunch of smelly dude bros eating pool nachos. Not that you’d act on whatever gang bang fantasies you may or may not have. I don’t know, I’m not a doctor. It’s like the smoker who quit a few months back but doesn’t mind if you blow it in your face. We had some good times. This is business.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Jack April 01, 2015 @ 12:00 PM
The wind did us all a favor and blew up Behati Prinsloo’s skirt at a Tommy Hilfiger show. I guess God wanted to see her ass. Or she did. Thought probably not her husband who still finds girl parts gross.
Check out Behati’s lovely bare ass. (TMZ)
Robert Pattinson might wed his latest beard FKA Twigs. (Huffington Post)
Gigi Hadid sports a towel and that’s all. (Egotastic)
Niykee Heaton is covered topless and it is amazeballs. (Drunken Stepfather)
Josie Maran in a rare set of candid bikini pictures. (Hollywood Tuna)
Nina Agdal hot bikini body like a fucking champ. (Popoholic)
I’ve never wanted to fuck Boba Fett…until now. (The Chive)
By Lex March 24, 2015 @ 1:10 PM
That awkward moment when you accidentally catch sight of your buddy’s wife’s nipples. You shouldn’t look, but you do. God made your nuts, he didn’t write anybody’s wedding vows. I don’t know what to say. You’re a pig. Embrace it. She’s got nice nips.
Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret
By Lex February 24, 2015 @ 10:24 AM
Like much of America, the entrance of Maroon 5 at the Oscars signaled a four minute window to take a much needed dump. If I want to see handsome men moping, I can sit outside any casting call in this town. That is how I intend to spend my golden years. Watching those who God anointed beautiful realizing once more they will be on their knees that evening blowing for their rent money. Fuck the pigeons in the park. Cosmic vengeance won’t shit on your jacket.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet/Getty
By Lex January 15, 2015 @ 8:31 AM
In between wishing Adam Levine to drown in the tiniest of urine puddles, there’s some begrudging respect for being in a band and using it to bone tons of hot women. That’s execution to a solid plan. I flipped the TV on in the middle of the night recently and saw that same fortunate fuck talking about how he had Domino’s pizza skin until he tried this acne cream that gave him a clear complexion and the power to stick his dick inside foreign lingerie models. I ordered some. I want skin like polished alabaster and the sensation of a Namibian woman shrieking shit in Zulu on top of my neglected manhood. Two years from now if you flip on the TV screen in the middle of the night and see me hawking the cream, you can wish me dead in that same piss puddle. That will only make it sweeter.
Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret
By Lex October 29, 2014 @ 12:59 PM
There are things I love about Los Angeles. The weather, the Mexican food so authentic the tortillas have tuberculosis baked right in, the fact that girls don’t ask lots of followup questions when you tell them you work in the moving pictures business. Then there’s shit I hate. I could make a list, but a photo of Adam Levine, his Namibian model wife, and court-side Lakers seats about sums it up. It’s that singular moment when all that Al Qaeda ranted crap from caves about Western evils kind of makes sense. Not enough sense to wrap a towel around my head and fly to Damascus to behead journalism majors, but enough that if I stumbled into a Prodigy chat room where jihadis were plotting to kidnap Adam Levine to show the infidels who was boss, I’d probably not report them. Does that make me un-American or the best American ever? History will decide.
Photo Credit: Splash/AKM-GSI