Fetish Art Giant Bella Thorne And Katie Cassidy

By Lex February 24, 2015 @ 11:44 AM

bella_thorne_and_katie_cassidy_Giant Bikini Girls

I don’t know why this amuses me so. This dude Photoshops images of young Hollywood chicks as godzillas coming ashore to terrorize the puny humans. I don’t know if this is a commentary on the over-emphasized power of celebrity or just a chance to imagine a four story tall vagina where Ellen summers. It’s a disturbing, yet awesome reminder that women like Patricia Arquette top out at $400,000 a week on television. Somebody fire up the Change.org petition. This world needs fixing.

Photo Credit: The Wonder Slug

Designated Ugly Fat Friend

By Lex February 13, 2015 @ 9:05 AM

The Duff Los Angeles Fan Screening At The Chinese Theatre Bella Thorne Mae Whitman Aubry Plaza
Now that women have more power in Hollywood, they’re making movies for teen girls exactly like men used to make them. Every high school movie has to be about an ugly duckling who turns the tables on the popular girls and wins the guy. This is the nearly precise definition of pornography for young women. This will never happen to you, but for a few minutes you can tickle your genitals pretending it might. Just like I might grow a ponytail and deliver a pizza to a MILF who wants to pay me with sex and it’s cool because she’s been recently tested. When the lights come up, we’re both playing Candy Crush alone in the bathtub eyeing the razor. Make Mean Girls again. It wasn’t bad the first time.

Photo Credit: INF/FameFlynet

Bella Thorne Picks Up Shifts At Sprinkles

By Lex December 19, 2014 @ 12:53 PM

Bella Thorne Picks Up Shifts At Sprinkles Cupcakes At The Grove
It’s unclear why Bella Thorne was working the swing shit at the cupcake place at The Grove. It’s possible she breached every single one of her performance contracts when tests came back showing she was thirty-seven and a mother of four from Orlando. You could do far worse than cupcake duty after you’ve fucked over Disney. They once hired a guy in a Goofy costume to euthanize the entire family line of claimants to Winnie the Pooh IP. They don’t skimp on cleaners.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Bella Thorne Seems Wise for Her Years

By Lex November 21, 2014 @ 10:15 AM

Bella Thorne In Busty Stills From Red Band Society
I’m not sure how old this chick’s stage parents say she is today, she seems ready for the classic Hollywood hazing of a visit to the Cosby bungalow and a topless role in a movie nobody sees directed by a second generation celebrity kid. If she does the Cosby rung first, she probably won’t even realize she did the second, so I’d schedule them close together. More importantly, I’m booking seats to her mall tour next summer when we pretend she’s a singer and she can flash her baby making parts accidentally on purpose without everybody without the dude from Dateline jumping out to confront us.

Photo Credit: Fox

Bella Thorne In a Thong Bikini

By Lex November 18, 2014 @ 12:24 PM

Bella Thorne Wears Thong Bikini While Relaxing On The Beach In Miami
Somebody’s going to write me an angry letter and tell me this Disney chick is twelve or something. I’m pretty sure she’s thirty. Her stage parents doctored her birth certificate like an aggressive Dominican baseball scout so her skills would appear developed for her age. Imagine the look of horror on the faces of the Hollywood pedos who chased her into her Disney dressing room only to discover a furry minge. Those poor bastards.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Bella Thorne Also An Author

By Lex November 12, 2014 @ 10:00 AM

Bella Thorne Booty In Tight Dress Signs Copies Of Her Book Autumn Falls NYC
Teen stars have always had book series with their names and faces on them. It’s a more recent phenomenon where we pretend these TV twits are actually penning the tween novels. Ghostwriters have been getting IP ass raped since the invention of the feather tip pen. That’s the life they choose. What’s more curious is why instead of just saying these girls love this book series and putting their Seventeen magazine mugs on the covers, they insist on crafting a mythology of these pretty faces being authors of any caliber. As a writer of dubious caliber myself, I think I’m offended.

AUTUMN FALLS is the first book in Bella Thorne’s new series! It has everything readers will love and relate to: a real girl trying to find her own inner strength and be the best she can be, with a hint of magic and mystery, and a steady stream of OMG-I-can’t-believe-that-just-happened fun.

That certainly sounds relatable and empowering and the exact formula of every single tween novel series ever. The perfect stocking stuffer for the girl in your family you want to guarantee never challenges herself in the hard sciences.

Bella Thorne is the last great hope for her stage parents dream of having at least one heavily molested daughter bank a decent paycheck in Hollywood. Her older two sisters gave it their best shot and are now seen mostly in topless photo shoots on social media. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But it’s not paying down the mortgage on the family home in Florida. Back to the Starbuck’s to pen your next book, Bella. Daddy needs more hints of magic.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet