Bella Thorne Has It Figured Out

By Lex August 06, 2014 @ 1:52 PM

Bella Thorne In A Leather Mini Skirt Attends The Premiere Of 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' In Westwood
I don’t know how old this Disney girl really is. Her mom says she’s sixteen. But it’s like Dominican ball players. You want to be able to tell producers in Hollywood my kid can act and sing and has developed tits and she’s only ten. Bella Thorne seems to have been around for the past ten years looking just the same. I could be thinking of her two older sisters whose Florida stage parents tried to funnel through the same system several years ago. Now they’re doing softcore porn shoots on the beach. I don’t blame people for doing what it takes to get out of Florida. I’d sell my kids souls too.

This latest sibling seems to have her shit figured out. Anybody can make faces well enough for a canned laugh Disney sitcom. But can you make old men want you. That’s how you punch your ticket. Giving up school and friends and losing your virginity to a boy you got to choose is a steep price. Fuck me leather skirts in public is nothing. Go chase your dream, sweetheart. Also, think about an independent auditor for your trust fund. Have you noticed your parents sporting new teeth of late?

Photo Credit: Getty, Pacific Coast News

Bella Thorne In A Bikini And Jacket At The Beach In Santa Monica

By Lex May 27, 2014 @ 12:46 PM

Bella Thorne In A Bikini And Jacket At The Beach In Santa Monica

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News

Bella Thorne in A Bikini

By Lex May 19, 2014 @ 1:37 PM

Bella-Thorne-Bikini-Miami-11

Bella Thorne is somewhere between 12 and 32 years of age. You’d need a saliva sample to circumvent the publicist and the Disney machine secreting her birth certificate like a Dominican youth baseball scout. She’s the last best hope for the Thorne family who have run a few previous girls through the Hollywood machine only to come up with some part time amateur topless models. Bella’s got a hunky older penis proud boyfriend, a hit teen Disney TV show, and she’s lined up in about a half dozen major films, all of which translate to major lip gloss and snazzy purse merchandising bucks. More than enough dough to make her parents mock the people who warned them not to drop their kids off at the thickest blue Megan’s Law address dots they could find on the sexual offender registry map. Look who’s laughing now, you shortsighted tools who made your kids finish middle school.

Photo credit: Splash News/FameFlynet/Pacific Coast News