By Lex January 07, 2016 @ 10:38 AM
The People’s Choice Awards is a real thing invented by the networks so that their crappy shows and celebrities could win awards before the Golden Globes and Oscars cut back to people who at least spend some effort trying to be imaginative. The highlight of the evening was when Leslie Mann got her hand stuck on Dakota Fanning’s dress and almost ripped her gown in the back while congratulating her on winning the award for Best Dramatic Actress for Fifty Shades of Grey which informs you about the voting demographic for the People’s Choice. You and I are not People in this particular model.
There is no single industry like Hollywood that lauds itself so sentimentally, self-seriously, and with extreme regularity. The plumbers and pipefitters don’t toast themselves seventeen times a year at black tie affairs dedicated to the struggle of their craft. Yet, if forced to choose, you’d probably opt for a working toilet over another episode of the hunks on Chicago Fire. The after party had tons of tits. Consider us even.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex January 07, 2016 @ 7:17 AM
Commiserating with your fans about New Year’s workout resolutions? I love pretend. If Disney hadn’t set you up for life we might have seen those tits. God, your parents trained you well. You’ll bunk with me after the revolution. These chats disappear forever after ten seconds, right?
Photo Credit: Snapchat
By Lex December 21, 2015 @ 11:09 AM
Bella Thorne’s experiencing latter day development. It could be the lingering magic of her stage parents’ Santeria spells. Or surgery. It’s an unsettled science, like global warming or getting The AIDS from Charlie Sheen. Nobody’s ever uttered the phrase, your breasts are too big to work here, so just assume this only raises her stock. Now that you’ve converted to Latina, you’ve got twenty-seven more mouths to feed. Si se puede con tits.
Photo Credit: Alexander Tamargo
By Lex December 18, 2015 @ 1:20 PM
Bella Thorne can’t stand people who don’t believe she’s Latina simply because she’s done everything in her power to make herself appear anglo. It’s the worst kind of discrimination when people don’t accept you for being who you’re trying to hide that you are. Bella’s dad is a Florida Cuban or a Republican Hispanic if you like shortcuts. When her parents sold her into Hollywood as a pretty child the town didn’t want Latina like they do today. She was painted ginger and called Bella Thorne to be even whiter than a Disney princess. Now she’s eighteen or thirty and everybody that is anybody corporate media wants them some brown. She speaks of her Cuban dad more often now than Marco Rubio. I get it. He tended bar at a splintered wooden plank for forty years because he’s a winner. Look for Thorne to start slipping into some Gloria Estefan accents and tout her plantain recipes upcoming. In the future, we are all Hispanic. That starts roughly tomorrow.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex December 08, 2015 @ 1:11 PM
The Hateful Eight looked to be inexorably damaged when the collective police departments around the nation leaked information that Quentin Tarantino lied about being in jail for parking tickets in the early 90′s. Street cred is fragile like that. Even Tarantino film fans understand that Tarantino is a bloated self-promoter who you’d punch first and hardest on a road trip. He vociferously protests racial discrimination by law enforcement while insisting all black chicks in his movies get n-bombed and raped.
Jenna Dewan Tatum was at the premiere to support her husband who plays a character with super narrow set beady eyes in the movie. Just a guess. Bella Thorne was there to be fucked by somebody important. Everybody has their role. Pulp Fiction was solid. How many good movies have you made in the past twenty-five years?
Photo Credit: Getty
By Lex October 09, 2015 @ 9:59 AM
Bella Thorne celebrated her eighteenth birthday, which may or may not have also happened a few years ago when her non-Dominican ballplayer birth certificate documented her the very same age. I don’t blame her stage parents for trying. She’s the third of three girls in a family that all moved out from Florida several years ago to toss their girls into a giant molestation pit and see who crawled out with decent money. The two older sisters crapped out at bit TV parts and scantily clad modeling for guys with remarkably fake European accents. Bella got the big Disney gig and learned to keep secrets extremely well. Her bank account is blowing up. I suspect the parents got theirs when they could. Once the repressed memories start pouring out, they’re going to be legally restrained from attending her first three weddings.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI