Ben Affleck Guilty By Association

August 6, 2015 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

It’s entirely possible the rumors Ben Affleck was porking the nanny, Christine Ouzounian, are false. In fact there is zero credible evidence to back it up. Except that she’s a hot Armenian chick in her late 20’s. If that’s... READ MORE

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner to Cohabitate

July 3, 2015 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are divorcing amicably. They intend to remain great friends and even continue to live together to parent their three carefully named children. Which sounds an awful lot like being married, with the exception that all... READ MORE

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner Divorcing

July 2, 2015 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

It’s unclear if Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are divorcing because he’s an alcoholic and gambling addict and his family owned slaves or because he’s a crappy husband.  Usually one leads to the other. Few relationships end over a lack... READ MORE

PBS Suspends Roots

June 25, 2015 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

PBS has suspended production of its third season of Finding Your Roots after an investigation revealed Ben Affleck successfully pressured the show to omit airing the fact that one of his great-great-grand-relatives was a slave owner in the antebellum South. The entire point... READ MORE

Ben Affleck Hunky Slave Owner

May 18, 2015 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Turns out Ben Affleck’s great-great-great grandfather wasn’t just a minor slave owner, he held a couple dozen African-Americans to his name, mostly inherited from his mother-in-law who also gave him her gravy boat and a portrait of a cat.... READ MORE

More on Ben Affleck Riddled With White Guilt

April 23, 2015 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

When Ben Affleck appeared on the PBS snooze fest Finding Your Roots, which traces the guest’s genealogy to the nearest Coppola, he successfully lobbied the show’s producers to exclude the revelation that one of his distant relatives owned slaves.... READ MORE

Ben Affleck Slave Shamed

April 20, 2015 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Actor and super person Ben Affleck asked PBS to censor their documentary series Finding Your Roots where they revealed Affleck had an ancestor that owned slaves. Finding Your Roots is designed to inform white celebrities that their great-great-great-grand uncle... READ MORE

The Most Boston Thing Ever

February 3, 2015 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

No matter what part of the country you’re from or which NFL team you support, it’s important to acknowledge that people from Boston are especially fucking annoying. The accents are unbecoming as are the stupid shamrock tattoos and being hammered... READ MORE

Ben Affleck Defender of All Things Holy

October 8, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I bet it sucks to be Muslim these days knowing other Muslims are beheading journalists and mowing down women with machine guns in the name of your same Holy One. Especially in the modern digital world where every bit... READ MORE

Ben Affleck Jelly Spine And Shit Around The Web

July 30, 2014 | crap around the web | editor| 0 Comments

Kevin Smith revealed that his bromance with vagina-chinned Ben Affleck ended because Jennifer Garner thinks Smith is a foul mouthed fat stoner piece of shit. It’s unclear if she had problems with parts of that or all of that.... READ MORE