Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner Divorcing

July 2, 2015 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

It’s unclear if Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are divorcing because he’s an alcoholic and gambling addict and his family owned slaves or because he’s a crappy husband.  Usually one leads to the other. Few relationships end over a lack of blackjack and cigar smoking. He also might just be moving onto younger ass. The pair […]


PBS Suspends Roots

June 25, 2015 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

PBS has suspended production of its third season of Finding Your Roots after an investigation revealed Ben Affleck successfully pressured the show to omit airing the fact that one of his great-great-grand-relatives was a slave owner in the antebellum South. The entire point of the show is to make famous white people feel stupid when presented with evidence that their ancestors […]


Ben Affleck Hunky Slave Owner

May 18, 2015 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Turns out Ben Affleck’s great-great-great grandfather wasn’t just a minor slave owner, he held a couple dozen African-Americans to his name, mostly inherited from his mother-in-law who also gave him her gravy boat and a portrait of a cat. Nobody gives a shit about Ben Affleck’s grand-pappy in Georgia investing in slavery except for Ben Affleck because […]


More on Ben Affleck Riddled With White Guilt

April 23, 2015 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

When Ben Affleck appeared on the PBS snooze fest Finding Your Roots, which traces the guest’s genealogy to the nearest Coppola, he successfully lobbied the show’s producers to exclude the revelation that one of his distant relatives owned slaves. The information was leaked in Sony’s hacked emails which are now being milked for any last […]


Ben Affleck Slave Shamed

April 20, 2015 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Actor and super person Ben Affleck asked PBS to censor their documentary series Finding Your Roots where they revealed Affleck had an ancestor that owned slaves. Finding Your Roots is designed to inform white celebrities that their great-great-great-grand uncle ran a plantation and perhaps it’s time for a big fucking I’m So So Sorry for the […]


The Most Boston Thing Ever

February 3, 2015 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

No matter what part of the country you’re from or which NFL team you support, it’s important to acknowledge that people from Boston are especially fucking annoying. The accents are unbecoming as are the stupid shamrock tattoos and being hammered on Seagrams. Most of the unpleasantness stems from the fact they have to constantly remind you […]


Ben Affleck Defender of All Things Holy

October 8, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I bet it sucks to be Muslim these days knowing other Muslims are beheading journalists and mowing down women with machine guns in the name of your same Holy One. Especially in the modern digital world where every bit of news is universally available. It was probably easier being Catholic during the Inquisitions when you […]


Ben Affleck Jelly Spine And Shit Around The Web

July 30, 2014 | crap around the web | editor| 0 Comments

Kevin Smith revealed that his bromance with vagina-chinned Ben Affleck ended because Jennifer Garner thinks Smith is a foul mouthed fat stoner piece of shit. It’s unclear if she had problems with parts of that or all of that. More importantly, this is another tale in the fast growing legend that is pussy-whipped Ben Affleck. […]


Batman’s Butt Chin And Shit Around The Web

July 25, 2014 | crap around the web | editor| 0 Comments

Zack Snyder revealed another look at Ben Affleck as Batman and it’s worse than we could have imagined. Ben Affleck’s stupid ass chin sticking out of that cowl feels like my inner child is getting kicked in the nuts. Effeminate controlling ass chin Batman is going to suck. See more of Affleck ruining your childhood.(Dlisted) […]


Batman’s Looking Pretty Jacked

October 25, 2013 | celebrity | editor| 0 Comments

Perennial Dad of the Year contender Ben Affleck picked his daughter, Violet, up from school yesterday for a little shopping in Los Angeles, and he was clearly sending a message to the legions of pissed off nerds that don’t want him playing Batman in Batman vs. Superman that they can doubt him all they want, […]