Ben Affleck looks like this now

By brendon October 03, 2011 @ 10:14 AM

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At first I wondered why Keanu Reeves was pretending to be Anthony Kiedis and taking Ben Afflecks daughters to the farmers market in Pacific Palisades yesterday, but then I eventually figured it out.

(image source = flynet)

Tuesday headlines, with Gaga on the Simpsons

By brendon August 23, 2011 @ 6:08 PM

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LADY GAGA – will play herself on ‘The Simpsons’, “to cheer up a dejected Lisa through the power of speech, song, and a flash mob.” The message being: if you’re feeling low, try annoying the hell out of people. (ew)

WILL SMITH AND JADA PINKETT – were reportedly broken up, but this morning Wills son Trey tweeted that it wasn’t true, and now they’ve issued a statement saying, “Although we are reluctant to respond to these types of press reports, the rumors circulating about our relationship are completely false. We are still together, and our marriage is intact.” Oohh. “Intact”. What a romantic word. I guess things really are going great. “My wife is very suitable”, Will went on to explain. (twitter, access hollywood)

MEGAN FOX – confirmed that she’s having the tattoo on her forearm of Marilyn Monroe removed, saying, “She was a negative person, she was disturbed, bipolar. I do not want to attract this kind of negative energy in my life.” Oh relax Megan. It’s not Ed Gein for Christs sake. (us)

BEN AFFLECK AND JENNIFER GARNER – are expecting their third child to go along with their daughters Violet, 5, and Seraphina, 2. No word yet on if its a boy or a girl, or what stripper/wish granting cartoon mouse they’ll name them after. (people)

Ben Affleck is patriotic (and site news!)

By brendon July 06, 2011 @ 6:14 PM

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Ben Affleck is from Boston of course, which is probably the most patriotic city we have, so of course he took his kids to the 4th of July parade in Brentwood on Monday. What’s surprising is that Jennifer Garner went along with him, because she’s from West Virginia, and people from West Virginia are communist sympathizers who hate America more than anything. I also heard they steal.

Speaking of Boston, that’s where I’ve been for the last 5 days. The plan was to post as normal but it turns out that Boston is absolutely awesome, and once I realized that I told the plan to go fuck itself. Everything is back to normal tomorrow though. Sweet dreams everyone.

xoxo
Brendon

Jennifer Garner is beating up Ben Affleck

By brendon June 03, 2011 @ 3:39 PM

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1. Ben Affleck and Blake Lively were co-stars in ‘the Town’.
2. While filming ‘the Town’, there was a rumor that Affleck was cheating on Jennifer Garner with Blake.
3. In the naked pictures of Blake that leaked this week, she has a temporary star tattoo on her neck, which was there for her character in ‘the Town’. Meaning she took the naked pictures, either for herself or someone else, while making the movie.
4. Affleck and Garner were in Brentwood yesterday, and now he has a black eye.
5. In this picture, Garner is looking back toward Affleck and his hands are close together. As if he pulled them in because he was flinching, similar to what people do if they think they’re about to get hit (again).

Conclusion: Ben Affleck is in an abusive relationship with Jennifer Garner. She hits him and he cries. Jennifer saw the pictures of Blake, knew they were taken for Ben and so she beat him up. And then he hid in the closet on the floor and called Matt Damon, and Matt said, “you have to leave her this time, you promised you would!” And through his tears Ben whispered, “I can’t, she’ll kill me if I try to leave!” Oh that poor man! Won’t someone help him!

(image source = fame)

Tuesday morning headlines

By brendon January 04, 2011 @ 12:26 PM

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GWYNETH PALTROW – suffered from postpartum depression after giving birth to her son Moses in 2006. “I just thought it meant I was a terrible mother and a terrible person.” And fat, Gwyneth, let’s not forget about fat. (people)

SANDRA BULLOCK AND RYAN REYNOLDS – spent New Years Eve together in Austin. And then he gave it to her in the ass. Maybe. I’m not gonna lie, I didn’t read the whole thing. (people)

BEN AFFLECK – is being mentioned as a possible Oscar nominee for directing the Town, which is surprising because that movie wasn’t very good. (variety)

KANYE WEST – wore this ridiculous, and real, fur coat in NYC yesterday, and it’s kind of weird that rappers and old white women have such similar taste. They both like furs and track suits and gaudy gold jewelry. Represent, yo.

battle of the dorks

By brendon February 18, 2010 @ 6:54 PM

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Ben Affleck was almost todays big winner, because this morning in Santa Monica, Feathers Jones (NOTE – I don’t know their names) was threatening to look like even more of spaz while catching a football than Affleck did 14 months ago. Tuffy Jonas looks as gay as any guy chasing after other guys can possibly look with his pants still on, but Affleck still big times them.

Here, he keeps a sharp eye on the linebacker, who in this case is a girl in a suit. Just to make sure you understand which one I’m referring to, I mean the woman playing football in the mud while wearing high heels.

Although this effort proved unsuccessful, Ben took what he learned to the fourth quarter. There, like the mighty cobra stalking it’s pray, Ben lay in waiting. And then struck.

Attacking the defenses only weakness, Ben ran several feet down the field, and this black guy in the brown sweater pushed the ball over to him.

Two distinct paths now lay before Bens feet. One forged from gold and lined with flowers. The other cast in iron and mangled with thorns. Rising up like a phoenix from the ashes, Ben tippy toed over a 5 foot woman in a scarf, more or less caught the ball, and drank from the cup of victory.