Bethenny Frankel No Candy for Mexicans

By Lex January 27, 2016 @ 10:06 AM

Bethenny Frankel Debuts Red Hair
Bethenny Frankel dyed her hair to avoid the servers of process chasing her around town with lawsuits over her Skinnygirl line of products. They will never make you as slender as her own weight control program of Zumba and Flint River water. It’s simpler and cheaper but the folks in Marketing said it didn’t test well. Frankel just launched her Skinnygirl line of low calorie candy because lower calories gummy bears and chocolates are the foundation of any weight loss program. Don’t you see she’s just fucking with you now, fat women?

Frankel is running damage control from a politically incorrect Twitter rant about how Kmart employees were a bunch of lazy Mexicans:

Wow @Kmart has 2 registers open w 5 other employees standing around & two speak no English whatsoever. Shoes are sapatos right?

How fucking elitist. Us regular people have known Kmart is staffed with lazy illegals for our whole lives because we have to shop there. Fat Mexican women are far more self-aware than Fat American women so her candy sales shouldn’t be affected. But sapatos? Really? When I was a kid all the rich Jewish anorexic chicks knew how to buy shoes in multiple languages.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Bethenny Frankel in A Bikini

By Lex December 28, 2015 @ 12:30 PM

Bethenny Frankel Bikini Vacation In Miami
Bethenny Frankel is proof that clean living and exercise can keep you desirable to the opposite sex well into your middle years. Asterisk that with a healthy dose of starvation and elective plastic surgery so extensive that if you removed all the sutures and placed them end to end, her face would fall off. I’d watch that on TLC.

Frankel’s cutting strategy makes sense even in its obscenity. You’ll look like a rancid asparagus tip when you’re eighty, but nobody fucks you when you’re eighty regardless. Live for the now. Your third husband could be just around that corner. Bid high on that Caitlyn Jenner dissected penis skin when it comes up on eBay. You’re going to want that for grafts prior to the Clinton inaugural.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Bethenny Frankel Is Gross And Shit Around The Web

By Michael August 03, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

474124438-personality-author-bethenny-frankel-attends-gettyimages

Real Housewife of whatever the fuck Bethenny Frankel is fucking gross. She looks like a Halloween skeleton covered in cold cut turkey meat. Who told her she was hot?

See the horror for yourself. (TMZ)

India Reynolds takes off her clothes just for you. (Egotastic All-Stars)

Ellie Goulding in a tight blue bikini is a very good thing. (Drunken Stepfather)

Selena Gomez in nothing but a towel. (Hollywood Tuna)

Guess what? Kylie Jenner is scantily clad. (Popoholic)

Who doesn’t love a good thigh gap? (The Chive)

Subway’s Jared bragged about fucking 16 year olds in his texts. (The Superficial)

 

Doutzen Kroes And Bethenny Frankel in A Bikini

By Lex March 31, 2015 @ 9:53 AM

Doutzen Kroes And Bethenny Frankel Hang Out In Miami Together
Victoria’s Secret model Doutzen Kroes met up with the Bethenny Frankel skinny Ms. Potato head attachment figure and whispered in her ear, if I look like you do in fifteen years, I’m going to kill myself. Frankel agreed, then squeezed her ass cheeks to activate the hydraulic pumps that tighten the lifelike skin sheaths across her skeleton. Technology is pretty seamless these days. Someday, all women will have the opportunity to look like Bethenny Frankel in their 40′s. Inquire with your significant other if she plans on that option so you can start packing before she gives you a list of seventeen dates she’ll need rides home from the outpatient surgery center.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Real Housewives Catty With Bethenny Frankel

By Matt February 26, 2015 @ 7:33 AM

Bethenny Frankel Wears A Snakeskin Bikini In Miami

According to obviously promotional gossip leaked to the lazy media, the other Real Housewives of New York are pissed at Bethenny Frankel because she poses for staged bikini shots for paparazzi she hires but doesn’t go out of her way to promote The Real Housewives show or any of the shit the other cast members are hawking. I can’t blame her. Frankel is making a killing on her Skinny Girl line of anorexic products for fat chicks. She’s racing against the clock with about six more minutes to look fuckable before her face melts to a pool at her ankles at the stroke of midnight. This drama takes place on the new season of the show which you can check out over a yogurt enema at any given safe house or black site.

It would probably be the worst mistake of my life but I definitely still would. I’d even be a gentlemen and have the respect not to raid her Blackberry in refractory for Mark Cuban’s number so I can pitch him my idea for cargo socks or a backpack with a clock on it. What have you got to lose?

Photo Credit: INF

Bethenny Frankel in A Bikini

By Lex February 24, 2015 @ 1:45 PM

Bethenny Frankel Tiny Bikini While In Miami
I don’t know how they keep this chick together. Tricorder readings show mostly shellac and Bondo. At some point there won’t be any human parts left and she’ll turn completely to the dark side. Which I think means more recipes for summer salads tossed with an unfrozen embryo vinagrette. Someday, we’ll all be having sex with lifelike androids and thinking nothing of it. Today, you have to keep banging on the panel underneath Bethenny Frankel’s hat if you want her to queef.

Photo Credit: INF