By Lex March 31, 2015 @ 9:53 AM
Victoria’s Secret model Doutzen Kroes met up with the Bethenny Frankel skinny Ms. Potato head attachment figure and whispered in her ear, if I look like you do in fifteen years, I’m going to kill myself. Frankel agreed, then squeezed her ass cheeks to activate the hydraulic pumps that tighten the lifelike skin sheaths across her skeleton. Technology is pretty seamless these days. Someday, all women will have the opportunity to look like Bethenny Frankel in their 40′s. Inquire with your significant other if she plans on that option so you can start packing before she gives you a list of seventeen dates she’ll need rides home from the outpatient surgery center.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Matt February 26, 2015 @ 7:33 AM
According to obviously promotional gossip leaked to the lazy media, the other Real Housewives of New York are pissed at Bethenny Frankel because she poses for staged bikini shots for paparazzi she hires but doesn’t go out of her way to promote The Real Housewives show or any of the shit the other cast members are hawking. I can’t blame her. Frankel is making a killing on her Skinny Girl line of anorexic products for fat chicks. She’s racing against the clock with about six more minutes to look fuckable before her face melts to a pool at her ankles at the stroke of midnight. This drama takes place on the new season of the show which you can check out over a yogurt enema at any given safe house or black site.
It would probably be the worst mistake of my life but I definitely still would. I’d even be a gentlemen and have the respect not to raid her Blackberry in refractory for Mark Cuban’s number so I can pitch him my idea for cargo socks or a backpack with a clock on it. What have you got to lose?
Photo Credit: INF
By Lex February 24, 2015 @ 1:45 PM
I don’t know how they keep this chick together. Tricorder readings show mostly shellac and Bondo. At some point there won’t be any human parts left and she’ll turn completely to the dark side. Which I think means more recipes for summer salads tossed with an unfrozen embryo vinagrette. Someday, we’ll all be having sex with lifelike androids and thinking nothing of it. Today, you have to keep banging on the panel underneath Bethenny Frankel’s hat if you want her to queef.
Photo Credit: INF
By Jack January 15, 2015 @ 12:00 PM
Gollum-like beast and Real Housewife Bethenny Frankel is developing a Skinny Girl weed that won’t give you the munchies. What the fuck is the point of smoking weed if it doesn’t make you hungry? But God forbid people eat solid food, right Beth?
Read all about this abomination of science. (Dlisted)
Charlotte Springer wears a see-through bodysuit for the titty-showing. (Egotastic)
Selena Gomez wears a bikini on Instagram because she cares. (Huffington Post)
Lara Stone looks smoking hot in Vogue. (Drunken Stepfather)
I don’t care about her shitty music but Taylor Swift has some fine ass legs. (Popoholic)
Abigail Ratchford is topless in lingerie on Instagram. Yes. (The Superficial)
Former WWE Barbie Blank wins Instagram with her titties. (COED)
By Lex October 03, 2014 @ 11:17 AM
I’m pretty much in the camp that says parents can be creepy fuckers and that’s okay so long as they don’t cross the line where the kids are found cowering in a closet filled with their own feces by the authorities. Putting on your little daughter’s clothes isn’t illegal, it’s just super fucking creepy. Bethenny Frankel is super fucking cut up and creepy. I don’t know why she has fans, but she does. Women follow these sliced up anorexics on TV like men root for football players who are assholes but play well on Sundays. The judge in the Bethenny Frankel divorce trial ordered the day time talk show host and salad cookbook seller to stop wearing her daughter’s clothes anymore. A few months back Bethenny put on her 4-year old daughters Hello Kitty pajamas for what she says was a funny ha-ha private moment with her daughter that she naturally shared with millions on Instagram.
When ur 4 year old peanut says “mommy please put my dress on” & giggles uncontrollably, u do what ur told.
Thanks for writing like a four year old to explain your creepiness. I’m sure your daughter also told you one year of marriage to your second husband was enough and your face doesn’t look like Wayland Flowers Madame. It doesn’t seem like the judge’s place to tell parents in a divorce case how they should dress. On the other hand, I can see him shuddering in horror like the rest of us witnessing this photo and thinking, fuck, I’m a judge, I can actually gavel this shit stop. Hang ‘em high, Roy Bean.
Photo Credit: Instagram