Beyonce Is Rich And Shit Around The Web

By Jack November 06, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

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Beyonce is one wealthy woman. She made over 115 million dollars last year, twice as much as any other female star. Usually money flows from the stupid to the smart in our economy, but given Beyonce’s educational aptitude, let’s just say it flows from the stupid to the good looking.

Explore the mysteries of Beyonce’s wealth. (Huffington Post)

Fat Mike from NOFX kicks a fan in the face and it’s awesome. (TMZ)

This model is named Yara. Let me introduce you to her tits. (Drunken Stepfather)

Casey Batchelor in lingerie is why I get up in the morning. (Hollywood Tuna)

Malena Costa es muy caliente in underwears. (Popoholic)

The new Star Wars movie gets a title and nerds everywhere pop a chub. (COED)

I’d love to love Ariana Grande harder, if you know what I mean. (The Superficial)

Beyonce Takes Selfies At the Louvre

By Lex October 15, 2014 @ 11:16 AM

Beyonce Shows Off New Bangs In TIght Shorts Also Visits The Lourve With Family
Say what you want about the so-called masterpieces, they’ve got nothing on Beyonce. Fuck yeah you are the most important piece available to be seen at the Louvre. I’ve been. The Mona Lisa is a tiny framed portrait of a chick who even back in the Renaissance had to be considered a four, a seven maybe after mead. The rest of the works are just naked dudes in oil paintings, or naked dudes in actual oil if you visit the haute French bars surrounding the museum and ask for the Travolta. If Davinci and Jacque Louis David were alive today, they’d be rendering Beyonce on a clam shell while Jay Z banged their art house girl assistants in the hay loft. Beyonce’s selfie work is saving us the effort of flying to France and being judged. Egomaniacal doesn’t have to be a negative.

Photo Credit: Beyonce

Beyonce Vacation Photos Heavy on the Beyonce

By Lex October 01, 2014 @ 9:39 AM

Beyonce Curated Bikini Photos
You’ve just got to see my vacation photos. There’s me in my bikini. Me in my bikini on the beach. Me in my fabulous beachwear. Me kicking sand. There’s me being playful in my beachwear but in the cabana so no sand. Take a seat. I’ve got five more albums. Who wants a vegan lemon drop?

Beyonce’s Wonder of Me life tour continued with her curated photos of her weekend family vacation somewhere in the nation of France. Beyonce surpasses even Disney Annual pass holders in ratio of selfies taken on holiday. The Disney nerds are often alone, so they have an excuse. Beyonce threw in a couple photos of her stripper named baby that were Skyped in from her toddler labor and makeup camp in Greenland. But mostly the photos showed Beyonce posing with her legs together so she didn’t need to tip a dude from the Marseilles University of Phoenix to Photoshop in a decent gap. I’d be lying if I didn’t say Beyonce seems to be living the life. It’d be nice to see the superstar going into the schools and inspiring slow-witted children to dream big. Nobody ever gives rousing speeches in the summer remedial classes. It’s time.

Photo Credit: Beyonce

Beyonce’s Fake Thigh Gap And Shit Around The Web

By Jack September 17, 2014 @ 2:07 PM

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Overexposed harpie Beyonce¬† had her thighs Photoshopped in a bikini. Maybe it’s because she’s knocked the fuck up or maybe it’s just that she wants to pretend she still has thigh gap. Either way, she should fire her photo guy.

Check out Bey’s web of thigh lies. (TMZ)

Leonardo DiCaprio’s cock was named the UN peace ambassador (Gawker)

American Apparel comes out with see-through underwear. (Drunken Stepfather)

Amanda Cerny in a bathing suit is a very very good thing. (Hollywood Tuna)

Miley Cyrus covers Led Zeppelin and the result sucks as much as you imagine. (Huffington Post)

Jenny McCarthy lost her wedding ring banging the lesser Wahlberg. (Dlisted)

(Photo Via Tumblr)

Beyonce Bikini Photos Shared by Beyonce

By Lex September 17, 2014 @ 10:44 AM

Beyonce Bikini
If I was a hot bodied woman, I’d lock myself in a bedroom in front of a large mirror and masturbate myself until the fire department kicked down the door and put me in hand restraints. Even then I’d find a way to get my paws onto my tits and shove a seamen’s locker worth of objects up my cooch. I don’t blame Beyonce for sending out photos of herself in a bikini. It’s her version of holding up a high school diploma in a smiling family photo. Everybody should be proud of something. For the intellectually retarded, why not some T&A photos. We’re all God’s creatures.

Photo Credit: Beyonce

Beyonce A Pregnant Nightmare

By Matt September 16, 2014 @ 8:38 AM

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Jay Z announced his wife is pregnant again or pretending to be pregnant or they found a surrogate willing to be killed after delivering the baby if her family can be airlifted out of Borneo or some shit. This one might be real because Beyonce is making insane demands of the people she keeps around to tell her she looks great in that face mask and that her last bowel movement smelled like Hidden Valley Ranch.

Members of her entourage are being required to only talk in soft voices, keep room lights on dim, and only listen to mellow music that reminds you of having a root canal in the 90′s. Once the child is delivered by golden tongs into this world, it will be free to bump Jay Z’s “Too Many Hoes” on repeat.

The baby is a huge blessing for Beyonce. Acting like a massive cunt is usually frowned upon, but having a bun in the oven or paying another woman to do the same gives you some leeway to bitch it up and throw that plate of asparagus against the wall because they aren’t organic. Don’t feel bad for Jay Z, he gets to fuck the lady who cleans up the asparagus after Beyonce retires to her calming couch.

Photo Credit: Instagram