The video for Beyonce’s latest auto tuned braggadocio is pretty stripped down. Another way to say that is minimal or failing that dull, shitty, uninspired, and lazy. It features Beyonce drinking booze in a hotel suite and occasionally some local strippers show up to shake their asses and probably try and score blow cut with less Bayer aspirin. The vid features several outfit changes on Beyonce’s part because that’s super exciting to chicks and turns the gay dudes who listen to Beyonce on. It looks like it was shot in about fifteen minutes but with the costume changes and visits to the on-site bulimia chamber I’d liberally give it a few hours. If you ever get to a certain point where people start blindly buying your music for no discernible reason you may as well seize the opportunity to make a point. In this case that point is, fuck you, you’re stupid and lack self-reflection. I’m going to get hammered and relive my slumber party days because I’m bored and you’re going to watch it. Guilty as charged.
Solange Knowles finally married the much older music video director she’s been dating for several years. The couple threw an intricately planned New Orleans wedding that involved everything from a pantomimed re-creation of the levees breaking during Katrina to 50,000 local school children being bused to the Super Dome to serenade Solange with some of her more famous songs that nobody’s ever heard. It’s nice to see Solange finally getting out of the shadow of her more popular and talented and better looking sister. Solange and her tits seemed particularly pleased to be the center of attention for something other than her hair falling out in two fisted clumps or beating up Jay Z in an elevator. Every girl deserves to be a princess on their wedding day. There’s plenty of time for punches and shrill recriminations after the guests have gone home.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
Beyonce is one wealthy woman. She made over 115 million dollars last year, twice as much as any other female star. Usually money flows from the stupid to the smart in our economy, but given Beyonce’s educational aptitude, let’s just say it flows from the stupid to the good looking.
Explore the mysteries of Beyonce’s wealth. (Huffington Post)
Fat Mike from NOFX kicks a fan in the face and it’s awesome. (TMZ)
This model is named Yara. Let me introduce you to her tits. (Drunken Stepfather)
Casey Batchelor in lingerie is why I get up in the morning. (Hollywood Tuna)
Malena Costa es muy caliente in underwears. (Popoholic)
The new Star Wars movie gets a title and nerds everywhere pop a chub. (COED)
I’d love to love Ariana Grande harder, if you know what I mean. (The Superficial)
Say what you want about the so-called masterpieces, they’ve got nothing on Beyonce. Fuck yeah you are the most important piece available to be seen at the Louvre. I’ve been. The Mona Lisa is a tiny framed portrait of a chick who even back in the Renaissance had to be considered a four, a seven maybe after mead. The rest of the works are just naked dudes in oil paintings, or naked dudes in actual oil if you visit the haute French bars surrounding the museum and ask for the Travolta. If Davinci and Jacque Louis David were alive today, they’d be rendering Beyonce on a clam shell while Jay Z banged their art house girl assistants in the hay loft. Beyonce’s selfie work is saving us the effort of flying to France and being judged. Egomaniacal doesn’t have to be a negative.
Photo Credit: Beyonce
You’ve just got to see my vacation photos. There’s me in my bikini. Me in my bikini on the beach. Me in my fabulous beachwear. Me kicking sand. There’s me being playful in my beachwear but in the cabana so no sand. Take a seat. I’ve got five more albums. Who wants a vegan lemon drop?
Beyonce’s Wonder of Me life tour continued with her curated photos of her weekend family vacation somewhere in the nation of France. Beyonce surpasses even Disney Annual pass holders in ratio of selfies taken on holiday. The Disney nerds are often alone, so they have an excuse. Beyonce threw in a couple photos of her stripper named baby that were Skyped in from her toddler labor and makeup camp in Greenland. But mostly the photos showed Beyonce posing with her legs together so she didn’t need to tip a dude from the Marseilles University of Phoenix to Photoshop in a decent gap. I’d be lying if I didn’t say Beyonce seems to be living the life. It’d be nice to see the superstar going into the schools and inspiring slow-witted children to dream big. Nobody ever gives rousing speeches in the summer remedial classes. It’s time.
Photo Credit: Beyonce
Overexposed harpie Beyonce had her thighs Photoshopped in a bikini. Maybe it’s because she’s knocked the fuck up or maybe it’s just that she wants to pretend she still has thigh gap. Either way, she should fire her photo guy.
Check out Bey’s web of thigh lies. (TMZ)
Leonardo DiCaprio’s cock was named the UN peace ambassador (Gawker)
American Apparel comes out with see-through underwear. (Drunken Stepfather)
Amanda Cerny in a bathing suit is a very very good thing. (Hollywood Tuna)
Miley Cyrus covers Led Zeppelin and the result sucks as much as you imagine. (Huffington Post)
Jenny McCarthy lost her wedding ring banging the lesser Wahlberg. (Dlisted)
(Photo Via Tumblr)