By Travis April 08, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
Jay-Z and Beyoncé spent last week in Cuba, celebrating their fifth wedding anniversary with some family members and close friends, and because they’re Jay-Z and Beyoncé people went absolutely apeshit wherever they went. And now, because Cuba is a place governed by a horrible old piece of shit, American politicians and anti-Castro Cubans in South Florida are calling for music’s royal couple to be torn to pieces by starved lions.
Florida Republicans Ileana Ros-Lehtinen and Mario Diaz-Balart (whose aunt was Fidel Castro’s first wife) wrote a letter to the Treasury Department asking why the hell two American celebrities were allowed to spend their American money in Cuba while that embargo deal is still alive and well.
The letter points out that “tourist activities” are covered by the ban and complains that the trip was used by the Castro regime for propaganda purposes.
“The restrictions on tourism travel are common-sense measures meant to prevent US dollars from supporting a murderous regime that opposes US security interests at every turn and which ruthlessly suppresses the most basic liberties of speech, assembly and belief,” the politicians write. (The Guardian)
This is going to be really interesting, because South Florida’s Cuban community doesn’t take this kind of stuff lightly at all, and some of those people will devote the rest of their lives to reminding us on a daily basis that Jay-Z and Beyoncé are assholes. On the other hand, Jay-Z and Beyoncé have more money than God, so they’ll probably throw a free concert in Miami and have the Illuminati use their Men in Black mind eraser on everyone.
By brendon January 23, 2013 @ 4:07 PM
ANGELINA JOLIE – might be pregnant again, meaning she and Brad Pitt will soon have their seventh child. To be honest I’m not even sure if that’s what the story said, it just seems like something they would do. (hollywood life)
BEYONCE – lip-synched yesterday at the inauguration for President Obama, but her ‘Destinys Child’ bandmate Michelle Williams was quick to defend her because of the crowd, possible echoes, and the enormity of the moment. Also because Beyonce sucks and needs everything filtered through a super computer that could make Stephen Hawking sound like Michael Crawford. (fox news)
‘THE CANYONS’ – has now been rejected by the Sundance Film Festival and SXSW, meaning that even the promise of Lindsay Lohan doing fully naked sex scenes can’t get them a release date. Maybe they should change their approach and say Lindsay isn’t naked after all, and you never see her saggy freckled tits even once, and replacing all her scenes with this Kate Upton gif. (hollywood reporter)
GREGORY MATTHEW BRUNI – was arrested in North Fort Myers, Florida, for taking his clothes off, breaking into a strangers home, masturbating, and taking a shit on the floor twice. Of course if the cops could explain how he’s supposed to masturbate and shit on the floor with his clothes on, I’d love to hear it. (huff post)
ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY – is hot. I think. Or maybe not. Sometimes, like here, she looks great, but in real life it’s hard to tell. Especially since she got new drapes. What are those fucking things, lead? (marks and spencer lingerie photoshoot spring 2013)
By brendon October 16, 2012 @ 2:29 PM
It won’t be official until tomorrow, but the Associated Press is reporting that Beyonce has signed on to perform at halftime for Super Bowl XLVII in New Orleans. Gosh I wonder if Jay Z will surprise everyone by joining her for a song?
An even better choice would have been Christina Aguilera. Not only can she sing, but she’s really fat and has quick feet from all the dancing. She’d be an ideal sub at defensive tackle if there was an injury.
By brendon August 02, 2012 @ 10:47 PM
You can never get too much Beyonce according to Beyonce, so she wants to make a documentary about herself. Gosh, I wonder if it’ll be flattering. The LA Times says…
Knowles (has) been shopping a nonfiction film to Hollywood studios about the celebrity’s life and career.
…the movie is as a mix of music and personal study, blending concert footage with confessional interview. Knowles not only stars in the project but is directing it, and will also serve as a producer.
If I ever said to a friend of mine that I wanted to make a movie about me, and it would be two hours of me talking about me and asking other people about me and showing footage of me from other movies people have made about me, they would kick me in the balls and tell me to go fuck myself. But not only does Beyonce think this is a good idea, but she probably wants to write the novelization as well.
Kim Kardashian is still desperate to parlay her relationship with Kanye West into a friendship with Beyonce and Jay Z, so she reportedly spent $5,000 on a gold bracelet with pink and white diamonds for their daughter Blue Ivy, and then engraved it with a very presumptuous, “Love Auntie Kim.”
Guess how that went over.
“They have been friends for five minutes, but already Kim is trying to force herself into Beyonce’s life,” a source told The Enquirer.
“Despite Kim’s sex tape and bad marriages, Beyonce had been warming to her based on her charming demeanor and romance with Kanye, who’s a good friend.
“But she certainly doesn’t consider Kim family in any way, shape or form – and for her to suggest that closeness really put Beyonce off.”
Ok fine that’s The Enquirer, so who knows, but it does sorta fit with a report in the new issue of Life & Style that says Kim is “not allowed to talk about” Beyonce or Jay-Z in public.
“She’d be kicked out of the clique so quickly if she made any misstep,” the insider explained. “Kim has to earn everyone’s trust.”
Wait. Does Kim Kardashian have any friends? Now that I think about it, in 10 years I don’t think I’ve ever seen her with anyone but Paris Hilton, Reggie Bush, and Kris Humprhies. Who all hate her now. Other than that she’s always with her family. That’s the same way rats and dingoes live, by the way. Hint hint, Kanye.
Beyonce wore this see-thru dress to the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s annual ball in New York last night, though it was actually just a normal black dress until she put it on and then her ass stretched the material too thin.
(image source of beyonce at the met gala bala last night in new york = getty)