wow beyonce really sucks

By brendon April 22, 2009 @ 9:37 AM

I have no idea what “board feed” is, but Howard Stern somehow got the raw board feed of Beyonce live on the Today show, performing that song she stole from that hot blond chick (this one), and it’s hard to even imagine anyone has ever been worse at anything than Beyonce is at singing.  Which is amazing because imaging things is very easy. Like, imagine you were a knight with a sword fighting a dragon on the moon. It might not be much but there’s at least a picture in your mind, right?  Now imagine anyone worse than Beyonce. Nothin, right?

beyonce had a little slip

By brendon February 23, 2009 @ 12:27 PM

Beyonce apparently slipped out of the top of her dress last night during the Academy Awards big musical dance number (close up here), but I didn’t notice at first because who cares.  It's just Beyonce.  It seems she could have worn pasties or tape or something, so maybe this "accident" was no accident.  I think the same way when I go out.  I use my sexuality as a weapon.  Mainly after seeing that number last night I was left with the impression that Zac Efron is growing up right before our eyes.  My, he’s practically a lady.  Where does the time go?

MY WHAT A FLATTERING OUTFIT

By brendon November 26, 2008 @ 10:57 AM

Beyonce said "put up your dukes" to my penis this morning by wearing a skintight bodysuit that highlighted her big fast ass and concave chest.  This is how you can tell she's too famous.  If a normal girl looked like that she would spend the morning locked in the bathroom crying and taking laxatives, but Beyonce seems to think she’s looks good.  For the record, she's wildly mistaken.

(picture source = splash)



BEYONCE IS AN IDIOT

By brendon October 23, 2008 @ 8:22 AM

When we first met Beyonce lo these many years, she was pretty and charming and seemed genuinely likable.  It was a love affair that would seemingly go on forever.  In reality, it’s going to end, right now, as you read this next sentence.

The R&B singer has christened herself “Sasha Fierce” for her new double album, “I Am … Sasha Fierce,” due in stores on Nov. 18, and has released a lengthy justification for the comical moniker.
“I have someone else that takes over when it’s time for me to work and when I’m on stage, this alter ego that I’ve created that kind of protects me and who I really am,” she said in a statement.
Sasha Fierce is the fun, more sensual, more aggressive, more outspoken side and more glamorous side that comes out when I’m working and when I’m on the stage.”

Listen you dimwit bitch, no one cares about your stupid name. Actually I do because you’re fat and "Beyonce" turns into "Buoyancy" quite nicely, but other than me, no one cares about your stupid name.  We’re about to elect someone named Hussein Obama.  In this climate, in the US, his name couldn’t be any worse if it were Stalin Dogkicker Stab You.

story source = MSNBC.  picture source = Splash.  "Sasha" has a myspace here 



BEYONCE IS STILL STEALING MATERIAL

By brendon October 14, 2008 @ 1:25 PM

It's been reported many many times in the past that Beyonce and her team of mangers are creatively challenged, so they often resort to stealing material and ideas from others who came before them or from new singers and songwriters who have no power to stop them.  Oh hey have you heard her new song, "If I Were A Boy"?  Fox News says…

The story behind "If I Were a Boy" is absolutely scandalous … the young woman who wrote the melody and lyrics had no idea Beyonce had even recorded her song until a stranger called with the news. By then, it was too late.
BC Jean is a hot, up-and-coming, 21-year-old female singer songwriter from San Diego. Those who’ve met her says she’s smart and "gorgeous" (but) she and her manager/mother have been strong-armed by Beyonce’s people and others who saw gold in "If I Were a Boy" and didn’t care how they got it.
BC Jean wrote and recorded about a dozen songs with German pop-factory producer Toby Gad for an album … when the deal fell apart, Gad took the songs and started marketing them to big name, established artists.
When I wrote about Beyonce’s version of "If I Were a Boy" last week … plenty of people knew the saga of Beyonce’s manager/father Mathew Knowles’ aggressive pursuit of the publishing rights to the potential hit record. His goal was to get the rights to the song and to put Beyonce’s name on the writing credits.

I don't get why the law is so helpless in situations like this.  Beyonce raped this girl and is gonna get away with it because she's rich.  Not literally of course.  I shouldn't have said "rape".  People throw that word around too loosely, IMO.  Especially the prosecutors in my case.  Why can't we call it, "an unrequited love affair".  See?  Doesn't that sound better? 

STAND BACK EVERYONE, PLEASE MOVE BACK

By brendon October 03, 2008 @ 1:08 PM

Beyonce went walking around Miami today with a big glittery diamond on her finger and surrounded by five huge bodyguards, but I'm not sure it was enough.  She's still so understated.  How will people know she's important if she keeps playing it cool like this.  Maybe she could hold a magazine up over her face.  A magazine that has a close-up picture of her face and “BEYONCE” in big letters.  Oh, and her feet should have some sparklers taped to them, and the bodyguard in front should be walking a black panther on a diamond encrusted leash.  Yes, yes now we're talkin'. 

(picture source = splash news)