STUFF FROM ALL OVER

By brendon April 04, 2008 @ 12:52 PM

CHRIS ROCK IS NERVOUS – TMZ says that Chris Rock was a nervous wreck today while testifying in the Anthony Pellicano wiretapping case.

A freaked-out Rock took the stand for roughly 15 minutes to talk about a most uncomfortable subject — DNA and baby mamas. As we already reported, Rock's attorney hired the P.I. to the stars to investigate Monica Zsibrita, who had claimed she and Rock had hooked up, and that he was the father of her child. DNA proved otherwise, so Zsibrita changed her tune, alleging Rock raped her.

If I were Rock and I saw this chick I would just start hitting her with my shoe.

IS THE JAY Z / BEYONCE WEDDING TODAY? – sure why not.

MISS ENGLAND IS THIS WEEKEND – as long as Stedman Graham, Parker Stevenson and Buffalo Bill are all judges, I like Miss Surrey's odds.

7 photos in gallery >

Tags: beyonce, chris rock, jay z, miss england |

70 Comments

JAY Z AND BUOYANCY ARE GETTING MARRIED

By brendon April 02, 2008 @ 5:55 AM

I don’t know why the "Buoyancy" nickname for Beyonce never caught on. Get it? Because she has a big ass. And would seemingly float in water because of it. Aw screw you people. The New York Daily News says today that, after five years of dating, Beyonce and Jay Z may be getting married. The two applied for a marriage license yesterday in Westchester County’s Scarsdale Village.

The pair reportedly got the license yesterday morning, which means the earliest they could get hitched is Wednesday. Otherwise, it's good for 60 days anywhere in New York State.
A spokeswoman for Beyoncé refused to comment, and Jay-Z's rep couldn't be reached.

Beyonce sounds like a real trooper considering all the rumors that Jay slapped her around and cheated with Rihanna. But still, it's touching to see two people express their love like this. I'm also looking for a long term relationship, or possibly just someone to blow me in my car. I'm more concerned about inner beauty than superficial beauty, unless you're unattractive or overweight, in which case I very much am concerned about superficial beauty. To recap, if you’re a hot chick and would like to blow me in a car and then leave, feel free to go for it.

Tags: beyonce, jay z |

55 Comments

4 IN A LINE, MOTHA FUCKA!

By brendon January 03, 2008 @ 1:16 PM

Thanks to Ali and her sexy English accent, here are pictures of Kanye West backstage at a show playing Connect Four with Beyonce. In a related story, 50 Cent did a line of coke then shot a guy and then fucked a teen model in the ass. Oh, wait, I guess the two stories aren’t that similar after all.

3 photos in gallery >

Tags: beyonce, kanye west |

78 Comments

BEYONCE IS COUNTRY NOW OR SOMETHING

By brendon November 19, 2007 @ 12:22 PM

Beyonce joined up with the country band "Sugarland" (editors note – sugarwho?) last night at the AMA's, and it was every bit as awkward and horrible as you might imagine. Honestly, there's not a single part of that first sentence that made it sound like this would work.

After their performance, Sugarland's Jennifer Nettles told the Associated Press, "We were face to face, and there were a couple times when (Beyonce) was looking at me and I was blushing because I thought I was going to turn to stone in her beauty. She is so grounded.”

I think the Sugarland chick just called Beyonce fat.

Tags: beyonce |

45 Comments

BEYONCE EATS IT

By brendon July 25, 2007 @ 9:05 AM

Beyonce was on stage last night in Orlando, and my god, I’'ve never seen such agility. She's like a gazelle. A gazelle with annoying songs and a big giant ass.

Tags: beyonce |

68 Comments

BEYONCE IS CREATIVE

By brendon June 27, 2007 @ 11:20 AM

Beyonce has been ripped in the past for stealing her act and music and image from a wide range of other performers, and last night it sure as hell looks like she did it again. She opened the BET Awards show by appearing on stage in a metal exoskeleton lookin thingy that opens up piece by piece. Which, if you think about it, is somewhat similar to when Kylie Minogue opened her shows by appearing on stage in a metal exoskeleton lookin thingy that opens up piece by piece. To be fair, Beyonce does sorta stomp out of the suit and then spaz around like a monster recently brought back to life for a little while. Kylie foolishly choose to look pretty and sing. Checkmate, Kylie.

(kylie in 2002 up top, beyonce last night after the jump)