Beyonce performed at the music awards show for MTV Europe last night, and luckily we can witness it through these pictures and not in real life because it’s really uncomfortable when someone who isn’t sexy tries to act sexy. She has a very pretty face but big ass + no tits = not sexy. All this does is highlight that. Beyonce is making this really awkward. It’s like watching your mom flirt. I would call her Ms. Knowles if we were in the same room, and lean back and offer my hand if she tried to kiss as a greeting.
Beyonce is in Croatia today (wait what) and she went for an ocean swim in a little bikini despite the fact that she said in a recent interview that “she feels insecure about her body offstage.” (source = the sun)
And it’s no wonder. The other rap guys must give Jay Z hell above his womans flat stomach and human sized ass. And why are her hips in line with her shoulders? Women should be built like an iceberg, from the chest down they should just get wider and wider and wider. And wider. And wider and wider. And wider. Wider. Rawr, I’m gettin all hot just thinkin about it!
In 2004, when Jennifer Lopez made a guest appearance on Will and Grace, she brought 75 assistants, including an eyebrow specialist and someone whose job was to hold her coat. In 2005, Mariah Carey had her limo circle the block at 2:15am until her London hotel laid down a red carpet lined with white candles and rose pedals because she refused to walk on concrete. Neither one of them is the most annoying bitch in this story.
“Beyonce Knowles reportedly took a caravan of cars to transport herself and her entourage across the street.
The singer, who was staying at the Madarin Oriental hotel in Hyde Park (London), left to go shopping at the famed Harvey Nichols department store.
Which is about 45 feet from her hotel.
Instead of walking across the street, Beyonce took two vehicles full of bodyguards and personal assistants to drive down the road and make a U-turn in order to be dropped off in front of the store.
(She) was given a 20-minute guided tour around the department store (then) took the same route back to the hotel.”
In Beyonces defense, she confused “Harvey Nichols” with “Tim Hortons”. One is a department store, the other sells doughnuts. So she needed cars with as much room as there is in her stomachs. It’s also why the tour was only 20 minutes. She asked “where are the doughnuts” twice, then “no really where are the doughnuts”, then “what do you mean there’s no doughnuts”, then she slumped to the ground and cried. By then someone had gotten her doughnuts, and so there was really no point in sticking around any more.
NOTE – changed out the banner picture with one from the Daily Mail to show how close her hotel really is.
Beyonce struggles with stairs in general (ahem) so God only knows how hard someone had to keep from laughing when they told her to try these. This is like something a shoe thief would be made to do in “Saw”. But she’s been wearing this crazy crap all week. Only a celebrity would be dumb enough to pay way way more for something that is way way worse. The dumber the idea the more they’ll pay. No normal person would tape two quacking ducks to their feet, but a celebrity would if the ducks were endangered and cost 900 dollars each in a store with it’s own DJ.
(who = Beyonce Knowles, where = Paris, when = 5.5.9, image source = splash)
I have no idea what “board feed” is, but Howard Stern somehow got the raw board feed of Beyonce live on the Today show, performing that song she stole from that hot blond chick (this one), and it’s hard to even imagine anyone has ever been worse at anything than Beyonce is at singing. Which is amazing because imaging things is very easy. Like, imagine you were a knight with a sword fighting a dragon on the moon. It might not be much but there’s at least a picture in your mind, right? Now imagine anyone worse than Beyonce. Nothin, right?
Beyonce apparently slipped out of the top of her dress last night during the Academy Awards big musical dance number (close up here), but I didn’t notice at first because who cares. It's just Beyonce. It seems she could have worn pasties or tape or something, so maybe this "accident" was no accident. I think the same way when I go out. I use my sexuality as a weapon. Mainly after seeing that number last night I was left with the impression that Zac Efron is growing up right before our eyes. My, he’s practically a lady. Where does the time go?