Monday morning headlines

LEANN RIMES AND EDDIE CIBRIAN - got married this weekend in a surprise ceremony at a private home in California. This will make their inevitable cheating that much more exciting. (people) BEYONCE AND JAY Z - were reportedly set to perform at the royal wedding between... read more

Beyonce is in a bikini :(

Beyonce and Jay Z are on some massive yacht in Monaco Bay today, and for the most part Beyonce stayed pinned down as if somebody was shootin at her. Which was annoying until she got up, perhaps to see if the timer on her cookies had gone off. "Ohh yeahh," I said to... read more

ohai beyonce and beyonces breast

Do these pictures show: A. a yeti on vacation. B. a visualization of that "roll a fat girl in flour" sex joke C. Beyonce and her nipple in Hawaii. This wasn't some kind of quiz by the way. I genuinely don't know wtf is going on in these pictures. But I'm scared/erect,... read more

beyonce will do anything for money

Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi has financed and run terrorist attacks that have killed countless thousands over the years, including the 1972 attack on the Munich Olympics (11 Israeli athletes kidnapped and murdered), Pan Am flight 103 over Lockerbee Scotland (270 dead)... read more

tuesday morning headlines

ZACH GALIFIANAKIS - has a new episode of ‘Between Two Ferns', this time with Andy Richter and Conan O'Brien. Anything I write here will look dumb compared to even the smallest thing Zach and Andy do in this, so I'm giving up except to say fuck them both. (funny or die)... read more

ma'am can i get you a jacket or something?

Beyonce performed at the music awards show for MTV Europe last night, and luckily we can witness it through these pictures and not in real life because it's really uncomfortable when someone who isn't sexy tries to act sexy. She has a very pretty face but big ass + no... read more

Beyonce is a monster

Beyonce is in Croatia today (wait what) and she went for an ocean swim in a little bikini despite the fact that she said in a recent interview that "she feels insecure about her body offstage."? (source = the sun) And it's no wonder. The other rap guys must give Jay Z... read more

fuck you, beyonce

In 2004, when Jennifer Lopez made a guest appearance on Will and Grace, she brought 75 assistants, including an eyebrow specialist and someone whose job was to hold her coat. In 2005, Mariah Carey had her limo circle the block at 2:15am until her London hotel laid down a... read more

What could go wrong?

Beyonce struggles with stairs in general (ahem) so God only knows how hard someone had to keep from laughing when they told her to try these. This is like something a shoe thief would be made to do in "Saw". But she's been wearing this crazy crap all week. Only a... read more

wow beyonce really sucks

I have no idea what “board feed” is, but Howard Stern somehow got the raw board feed of Beyonce live on the Today show, performing that song she stole from that hot blond chick (this one), and it’s hard to even imagine anyone has ever been worse at anything than Beyonce... read more

beyonce had a little slip

Beyonce apparently slipped out of the top of her dress last night during the Academy Awards big musical dance number (close up here), but I didn’t notice at first because who cares. It's just Beyonce. It seems she could have worn pasties or tape or something, so maybe... read more

MY WHAT A FLATTERING OUTFIT

Beyonce said "put up your dukes" to my penis this morning by wearing a skintight bodysuit that highlighted her big fast ass and concave chest. This is how you can tell she's too famous. If a normal girl looked like that she would spend the morning locked in the bathroom... read more