Crowd Favorites

Ciara Tits Win Every Billboard Award

The Billboard Music Awards serve as a reminder that erhu plucked tunes over Chinese restaurant intercoms is not the world's most annoying music. Teenaged girls like super shitty music. Followed closely by teenaged boys trying to get laid by teenaged girls.read more

Kendall Jenner Never Learned How To Read (VIDEO)

Kendall Jenner was at the Billboard Music Awards last night with one simple job to do. All she had to do was read a few quick lines and pretend she knew and gave a brief shit about who or what 5 Seconds of Summer is and then she could head backstage and collect her bag of free things to give to her mother, Kris Jenner, who would then sell everything on eBay at a 600% mark up because it had been touched by a...read more

Miley Cyrus Killed The Beatles (VIDEO)

The strange friendship between Wayne Coyne and Miley Cyrus continued last night at the Billboard Music Awards, where the duo teamed up to let Miley screech her autotuned way through the Beatles classic "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds." Miley picked that song, you see, because she really likes experimenting with drugs like marijuana and LSD, since she's so unique and original, and no musician has ever used the pot to...read more

A Hologram Of Michael Jackson Is More Important Than Most Living Musicians (VIDEO)

To give you an idea of just how average last night's Billboard Music Awards show was, two of the top selling points were Robin Thicke's pathetic groveling to get his wife back and the first ever American performance of an Australian boy band called 5 Seconds of Summer. I'm sure all of the idiot teenage American girls just went crazy over that one. But the biggest spectacle of the night was a performance by a hologram...read more

Robin Thicke Was Pathetic As Planned (VIDEO)

Ever since Paula Patton dumped his ass for cheating on her after "Blurred Lines" became a huge hit and made him think that he was a god, Robin Thicke has vowed that he'd win his wife back, no matter what it takes. That's why he used the Billboard Music Awards last night as his grand platform to apologize and grovel, as he not only singled her out when he accepted his Best R&B Song award, but he also performed his...read more