Justin Bieber Changes His Name To Bizzle

By Jack February 11, 2014 @ 3:10 PM

The famous Canadian lesbian not named kd Lang has changed his name to Bizzle on Instagram. In the grandiose tradition of Diddy, Prince, and Baby Doc Duvalier, Bieber wants to be known by a cool nickname. Bizzle came to mind. He’s probably doing it to distract us all from his multiple arrests and escalating drug problem. I’ll tell you right now that I’m not calling this motherfucker Bizzle. I’m going to call you by the name your mother gave you when she screamed you out of her vagina at twelve while your pimp teen dad looked on. Justin. There’s plenty of time to be Bizzle in your 30′s when you’re working the rehab legends show in Laughlin.