By Lex October 09, 2014 @ 8:40 AM
If anyone knows how to tightrope walk around a statutory rape prosecution, it’s Kris Jenner. You don’t rise to pimp head of a multimillion dollar teen prostitution ring without picking up a little streetwise jurisprudence. Kylie Jenner is just seventeen and according to the state of California, she’s still an illiterate minor. That means whatever the hell her rapper boyfriend slash Kim’s best girlfriend’s baby daddy is doing with her after sushi dates is technically a sex crime. Not as bad as Stephen Collins flashing his pecker to grade schoolers or guys at the office peeking at Jennifer Lawrence hacked naked selfies, but a crime just the same. When you limit your potential sex partners to reasonably successful black rappers, there has to be some concession to age differences and depth of criminal backgrounds. STDs may slowly burn away, but a Kardashian girl never forgets her first publicity fuck.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Lex March 06, 2014 @ 8:33 PM
It’s hard to imagine what Kim Kardashian finds in common with a former stripper who’s got a bastard baby with a rapper, big fake tits, and butt implants. But Blac Chyna has been named Kim Kardashian’s official bestie, inheriting all the rank and responsibility that comes with the title. Mostly you just have to punch Kim in the uterus after sex with wealthy foreign industrialists so she is never filmed visiting an abortion clinic. Also, you have to carry the wart cream and binge eating money in your clutch. The two gentle flowers spent the afternoon in a private workout session with just a trainer and the barely noticeable six-man reality show film crew. If it doesn’t happen on camera for Kim, it doesn’t really happen. This includes meals, sex, marriages, divorces, paid dates, and whatever comes out of her ass after consuming nothing but diet powder and artificially sweetened chocolate fudge soda.
Photo Credit: INFphoto.com, AKM-GSI
By Lex January 06, 2014 @ 1:13 PM
I don’t know why the Internet world of stranglers and Lego collectors is so up in arms over Kim Kardashian ‘warping’ photos of herself and her stripper BFF, Blac Chyna to look leaner and meaner and less riddled with scabes. They both do have big tits and enormous asses that appeal to circus workers with vague backgrounds and men looking to get raped on child support for the next eighteen years. Yeah, you might notice the warped door in the backdrop. Big shocker. Everything is Photoshopped. The curtain of social media has been pulled back. Even that candid shit on Instagram and Twitter has been faked by a woman who may not even exist in real life. She could just be a lidless vagina fashioned in the ethereal manner of Sauron. Grow up, kids. There is no Santa Clause, but if there was, and he was nailing Kim Kardashian for real, she’d be a lot fatter.
(Thanks to Alexis for sending us this faked ass tip.)
Photo credit: 2 Skeeves Instagram accounts
By Lex January 06, 2014 @ 12:17 PM
Photo Credit: Kim Kardashian/Instagram
By Lex September 25, 2013 @ 2:58 PM
If you’re like me, you were counting the days until Kim Kardashian launched her fifth fragrance line. If her first four aromas, Essential Scabies, Summer of Chlamydia, Krap Meadow, and Shpilkas, didn’t catch your fancy, just wait for Pure Honey, out today in stores.
I wanted Pure Honey to be both light and sweet but also powerfully seductive. As women we all have these dual natures. We can be girly and playful but also tempting and captivating at the same time. Combining the two elements was the perfect way to capture our full femininity. I created it to be delectable and crave-able, like all beautiful women are. — Kim blogging about her new perfume.
I wish I were a woman with the dual power of being sweet but also seductive, playful but also captivating. I also wish I could mask the stench of Kim’s yeasty cooch with the aroma of pure crave-ability. It beats taking a shower.
Kim was out around town hawking her new stench and showing how well simple starvation works to remove the baby weight. She now has stripper turned rapper baby maker Blac Chyna follow her around everywhere so people will stop yelling her name aloud when somebody shouts out, ‘Hey, who’s the skankiest skeez ho in the house?’.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, INFphoto.com, PCN