That One’s Married, Taylor Swift

By Travis January 14, 2014 @ 11:00 AM

It probably surprised no one that Bono and U2 won a Golden Globe for their song from Mandela, just weeks after the guy died, but it’s fun to pretend that Taylor Swift immediately found the lead singer at the Weinstein Company’s Golden Globes after party on Sunday night to either give him a piece of her mind or try to date him. Taylor apparently partied her losing troubles away, as she danced with that Modern Family actress who looks like she’s 10 and some other girls, before she finally found the subject of her next album in Jared Leto. Did Taylor and Jared end up leaving the party together before having an hour’s worth of the most boring sex ever imagined? Probably, what am I, a fucking clairvoyant?

Photo Credits: Getty

Charlize Theron and Bono had a Blast at Nelson Mandela’s Memorial Service

By Travis December 10, 2013 @ 12:00 PM

Charlize Theron and Bono were among the celebrities and political leaders who gathered at the FNB Stadium in Johannesburg, South Africa this morning to pay tribute to Nelson Mandela, and boy did it look like they were having a good time. They were probably talking about what a comic genius Mandela was known as among his friends, with jokes like, “Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was forced to live separate from others” and “Knock knock…” “Who’s there?” “Me, I just got out of prison after 28 years!” In fact, if Mandela hadn’t just passed away, he probably would have been hanging out on his futon with Charlize, just watching old episodes of Seinfeld.

Photo Credit: Getty

Bono is not the worlds richest musician, will not make $1.5 billion today

By brendon May 18, 2012 @ 11:05 AM

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In 2009, a private equity firm co-founded by Bono paid $90 million to buy 2.3 percent of Facebook, which has been valued at over $100 billion for their IPO today.

And according to TMZ and Page Six, that means Bono will become the worlds richest musician by 4pm!

…the shares are now valued at $1.5 billion.
Meanwhile, the former holder of the title of world’s richest musician — former Beatle Paul McCartney — is worth just over $1 billion.

The only problem is none of that is true. As the Telegraph points out, there are 9 other managing directors of Bono’s equity firm, plus countless investors. Bono didn’t buy 2.3 percent of Facebook, the equity firm did.

Given that he has previously had a 10 per cent stake in other (firm) investments, Bono has probably made around $150 million today, and at least doubled his wealth. Prior to this, as one fifth of U2 (profits are split between the band and manager Paul McGuinness) Bono’s estimated wealth was in the region of $158 million.

Well fuck. This is some information I’d really like to have known before I went to all the trouble of kidnapping his wife. Now everything just feels awkward.

STUFF FROM ALL OVER

By brendon October 27, 2008 @ 6:44 AM

BONO IS IN TROUBLE -  Bono has a wife.  That’s not her.

JENNIFER HUDSON OFFERS A REWARD – You probably know by now that Jennifer Hudson’s mother and brother were shot to death in Chicago on Friday, presumably by her brother-in-law, who is also the prime suspect in the disappearance of Jennifer’s 7-year-old nephew Julian.  She has now offered a $100,000 reward for Julian’s safe return.  This shit is depressing.  Moving right along.

HSM3 MADE 82 MILLION DOLLARS – "High School Musical 3" made $42 million in the US, another 40 overseas.  I saw it late Friday night and personally I was a disappointed.  I haven’t seen the first two, but I have seen "Fresh Outta High School" 1 – 10.  I thought it would be the same thing, pretty much.  But halfway through the theater manager explained it wasn’t.  Also, "where are your pants" and "you better get a mop and clean that up".    

SO CAL GIRLS HEART SOCIALISM – pardon me, "wealth redistribution".  Even worse, there's just a week left for your chest to cast its vote in CH's governing bodies contest. Here are some of the BREAST so far.  A-cha-cha-cha!