Paris Hilton is a damn witch

By brendon August 11, 2010 @ 9:34 AM

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Two weeks ago Paris Hilton was topless on a yacht in Italy (4 new pics start here), and last night she was at a party in West Hollywood for the launch of her perfume Tease, and somehow between then and now she grew fantastic tits.

This is why guys hate girls. You meet them and it’s all a god damn lie (like this scene from ‘I’m Gonna Git You Sucka’). 10 days ago she was flat as a board, nothing has changed since then, but you’d think she has D’s. Not even a fucking werewolf changes this much at night.

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Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr got married

By brendon July 23, 2010 @ 11:24 AM

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Victorias Secret supermodel Miranda Kerr (seen here during a shoot in the Caribbean last July) and Orlando Bloom (image not available) have been dating since 2007, but they’ve always stayed out of the spotlight. In fact it was only last month when word leaked that they were engaged.

Now it turns out they’re already on their honeymoon, and the only reason anyone even knows that is because Kerr had to release a statement to explain why she would be missing scheduled appearances for the Australian department store David Jones. Here (via People) is how they announced to the world that they got married.

“David Jones very graciously released me during this period so we could celebrate an intimate ceremony and honeymoon together.”

It’s nice to occasionally see even one celebrity who isn’t completely fucking crazy, and absolutely delightful to see a celebrity couple who isn’t crazy. In honor of this, after the jump are those pictures of Mirandas tits. It’s maybe not entirely appropriate, but I really like looking at girls tits, as it turns out.

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paris hilton is topless, in trouble for weed again

By brendon July 19, 2010 @ 8:28 AM

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It might be stupid that marijuana is illegal in most countries, but it is, so you have to be smart if you want to carry some when you travel. Needless to say Paris Hilton is dumb as a rock, so she’s been detained twice this month in foreign countries for possession. First at the World Cup in South Africa on July 2nd, and then again Friday in Corsica. The Daily Mail says…

“Hilton was taken aside as she landed at Figari. She was searched in a secure area of the airport police station and an amount of cannabis that weighed less than a gram, was found in her handbag.”
“Due to the small amount of the substance, she was cautioned to not travel with drugs then released within an hour with no criminal charges. The drug was confiscated and destroyed.”

The next day she no doubt destroyed some more on this yacht off the coast of Sardinia, where she lounged around topless for a while. These pictures show the only way Paris Hilton is even tolerable; blurry, naked, and in international waters so you can tie her to a rock and throw her overboard.

(source = inf daily)

tyler has sexy readers

By brendon July 16, 2010 @ 1:20 AM

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UPDATE – I don’t know why I continue to be such a vacillating, no-decision making spaz with this contest but I keep changing things around and all it does is screw it up. Hopefully I’ll magically get smart overnight and figure it out by next week.

Even Fiona and her hotness was a major problem, at least for other girls. Because according to the email and the thousands who voted, unless you are Fiona, there’s a very real chance your boyfriend hates you now. In her home state, “Fionas tits” was already the third leading cause of divorce, and now that’s only gonna get worse.

Needless to say she won this weeks $500, and next Friday there will be another vote with more insanely hot and mostly naked readers, some of whom you’ve already seen if you follow Tyler on twitter and facebook. And now I’m gonna bail on this tailspin of an update because it’s become obvious that I’m not gonna say anything even remotely interesting or, god forbid, funny. Feel free to click the “Read more” if you want to relive the magic from yesterday.

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thursday headlines

By brendon July 15, 2010 @ 1:22 PM

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MEL GIBSON – might have hit his 6-month-old daughter Lucia, causing bruises, during a fight with his ex Oksana. So really it sounds more like Oksanas fault than Mels. Stop using babies as a shield you crazy bitch. (hp)

SUICIDE GIRLS - won’t be allowed at this years Comic-Con for some dumb reason, even though they’re much more in line with that culture than shit like “Chuck”. The most popular models will be there anyway of course, like Bob Suicide (who looks like this when she starts to get naked and this a few minutes later). She’s the best thing to ever happen to comic loving nerds, and will be until science gets off their ass and finds a way for me to have sex with Kim Possible. (details on her twitter)

LINDSAY LOHAN - has hired OJ Simpsons lawyer Robert Shapiro to hopefully get her out of jail. His plan is to convince the judge she belongs in a drug rehab instead, and to blame the so-called “evidence” on ginger hating cops. (tmz)

BROOKLYN DECKER - looked great at the ESPY’s last night, and I’m devastated that I forgot to watch the show. Finally, someone figured out a way to declare a winner in sports, and I missed it! (getty)

tuesday morning headlines

By brendon July 13, 2010 @ 10:29 AM

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MEL GIBSON - stars in the movie ‘The Beaver’, directed by Jodie Foster, which was supposed to be released in September. Now Foster and the studio don’t know what to do with it. I asked Gibson what he told Foster as far as an apology, and this (NSFW language) is what he told her, but that’s pretty much his answer to everything. (e online)

TRANSFORMERS 3 - is currently filming in Chicago, and new set pics reveal that there are now NASCAR Transformers too. Not for marketing purposes, just because it makes a lot of sense to hide as the most conspicuous cars on earth. (jalopnik)

PREDATORS - is getting tremendous reviews and positive word of mouth, but some fans are annoyed because this iconic shot from the trailer is not actually in the movie. In the movie, Adrien Brody is only hit by one Predator laser. Why would fans complain about this? Because their lives are fantastic. (io9)

OPIE - of the Opie and Anthony show broke the story that New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner died today, according to his exclusive MLB sources. They were the first news outlet to report this, breaking the story on air around 8:30am, while CNN picked up the story almost 90 minutes later. After that they laughed at a dancing retarded girl, though CNN has yet to confirm that story. (twitter)

SOFIA VERGARA – had too many awesome bikini pictures yesterday to put in one post, so here are some more. Also continued from yesterday: my erection that’s hard enough to chop firewood. (splash news online)