mel b must work out or something

By brendon April 03, 2009 @ 9:54 AM

Along with Kelly Monaco, Mel B is the co-headliner of “Peep Show”, and I'm not sure if I’ve ever written anything nice about Mels body, but if so I need to write it again but this time in all caps and with a bunch of new profanity and exclamation marks.  The show is described like this:

Mel B plays the mistress of ceremonies, the Peep Diva.  Kelly Monaco will take the stage as Bo Peep, a timid girl who the Diva guides in her transformation into a confident, sensual woman.

I think I would like this show because in some ways I’m a lot like the Peep Diva.  Except instead of dancing to transform a timid young girl into a sensual woman, I just slip them a bunch of ecstasy.

kelly brook won the bikini contest

By brendon March 30, 2009 @ 5:15 AM

Kelly Brook spent the weekend n Barbados, where she pranced off the beach and into my heart, reclaiming her title as the hottest girl on earth.  But she’s not a very good swimmer.  She’s clearly drowning in some of these pictures.  Luckily I'm very brave, so I would dash into the water behind her and wrap my arm around her neck until she “calms down”, then lay her on the beach and cut her top off like they do on TV and press up and down on her chest.  I'm the hero!

megan fox is attractive

By brendon February 26, 2009 @ 11:00 AM

28719PCN_fox

Megan Fox looks like a shampoo commercial even just running around doing errands, in this case stopping by the school of Brian Austin Green’s son and getting some coffee. They’re not reconciling according to reports, so there’s still an excellent chance that she and I will get married. These pictures pretty much cover every second of her morning, so you can print them up and make a flipbook if you want and it will be like you’re on a date. It would be just like the notebook flipbook drawings I made as a kid, except this one will be covered in semen.

(source = splash news online and pacific coast)

a hero we can believe in

By brendon February 04, 2009 @ 11:51 AM

A 28-year-old from Houston has just broken the world record for the largest implants after her latest surgery brought her chest up to 38KKK, although it's not clear if she loves big tits or is just really really racist.  The New York Post says…

Sheyla Hershey's massive 38KKK breasts have been declared the world's biggest boob job, according to Britain's Daily Star.
The 28-year-old, a Texas housewive, has had nine operations to get her up to this size.
She traveled to Brazil to get her last procedure which took her from an FFF to a KKK after Texas officials refused to do it, for fear that her breasts could explode.
Hershey, from Houston, said: "To me, big is beautiful. I don't think I have anything to worry about."

At first I thought this might be dangerous, but then I read that doctors in South America agreed to do it.  The first words that jump into my mind when I think of South America are "responsible" and "sanitary".  It's almost like living in the future.

(more pictures in the Post)

pointless nudity: olga kurylenko

By brendon January 22, 2009 @ 3:39 AM

"Quantum of Solace" star Olga Kurylenko poses naked – oh that’s right – naked for the … um … I have no idea, some version of Maxim.  I have no idea what that is.  It's some kind of demon language.  But it's nice to see the Maxim editors over there are queers too, just like the ones here.  There's only like 15 perfect women on earth, and this is one of them, and she took her clothes off, and they printed 4 pictures.  4.  1 2 3 4.  There are more pictures of god damn Bigfoot than that, and that piece of shit isn't even real.  There's no such thing, and they have home movies of it.  This girl was standing right there, perfectly still, posing, and they only got 4 pictures.   Oh, golly, sorry to bother you Maxim, was there not enough room in your camera case for a second roll of film because your soy milk and rape whistles were in there?