Ever wish you could see Marion Cotillard topless? Yeah me neither. But I looked anyway because I try to stay open minded when it comes to seeing girls naked. I’m an amazing man.
It was a real bounty of middle aged boobs this weekend, as Heidi Klum was topless on the beach in Porto Cervo, Italy (this would be a good day to follow me on twitter, btw). Which makes it sound way way hotter than it was because her kids were there, her parents were there, and she doesn’t look very good. The only way these pictures could be any more disappointing is if she took out her dick.
(image source = flynet)
ED NORTON – is in talks to play the villain opposite Jeremy Renner in ‘the Bourne Legacy’, the new run of Jason Bourne movies that don’t have Jason Bourne in them. I would just call them Harry Potter movies, since apparently you can just call your movie whatever the hell you want these days. (vulture)
SHERLOCK HOLMES: A GAME OF SHADOWS – premiered it’s first trailer today, and you’ll be happy to see it’s got plenty of fighting and explosions. It’s Sherlock Holmes after all. Ya gotta have explosions. (apple)
TED DANSON – will be the new boss on ‘C.S.I.’, replacing Laurence Fishburne. Remember when Danson was in ‘Saving Private Ryan’? What the fuck was that all about? (la times)
DAISY LOWE – is gonna be in Playboy. It’s not really a stretch for Daisy (who you may remember is Gavin Rossdales 22-year-old daughter) because she’s a model who has already posed naked for two magazines. And also for the hidden camera I set up in her bathroom when I pretended to be the plumber. (daily mail. this would be a good time to follow me on twitter. hint hint. )
Pippa Middleton became world famous when she and her ass upstaged her sisters wedding to Prince William, and now Usher, who has a line of lingerie coming out this summer for some reason, tells Look magazine that he wants Pippa to take most of her clothes off so he can take pictures of her. As if that was some original idea no one else had thought of.
“I don’t think there’s a more beautiful, more stunning, more talked-about woman in the world at the moment.”
“I’m going to be approaching her in the next few weeks and setting up a meeting this summer.”
“The great thing about her is that she would be a global brand. Everybody knows her now, she would be perfect. I am sure everybody is trying to sign her up and she won’t be cheap, but she has the looks and the popularity to really establish a new product.”
And I bet he’s saying that without even having seen these pictures of her in a bikini. And then taking off her bikini top and kind of showing some side boob.
Just for the record, everything that happened between me and these pictures was completely consensual.
The fact that girls have no idea about how to gauge size or measure things really paid off this weekend when Geri Halliwell tried to cover her boobs while changing bikini tops on a yacht off St. Jean Cap Ferrat, France. Because it turns out her hand isn’t nearly as big as she seems to think it is (this would be a good time to follow me on twitter, btw). Still, if someone had grabbed a baby and thrown it really high in the air so she’d have to reach up and catch it, I’d have been grateful.
(image source = fame)
That was the official statement about the Blake Lively iPhone pictures that leaked Tuesday night. That’s what her representative said. He said, “The photos of Blake Lively which have just surfaced on various websites are 100 percent FAKE. Blake has never taken nude photos of herself.”
If it wasn’t already clear it should be now, but don’t ever insult someone smart enough to hack your cell phone. Because now the guy who released the original 5 pictures has released 12 more to prove that these are, as was obvious from the beginning, Blake Lively. He was telling the truth the whole time, yet was labeled a liar and a fraud by some simply because of their own fear and insecurities. But hackers have feelings too. They’re not monsters. In a case like this you have to ask yourself if maybe, just maybe, we are the monsters.