AL-QAEDA THREATENS PITT AND JOLIE

By brendon November 03, 2006 @ 9:44 AM

In February of 2002, Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pearl was beheaded by al-Qaeda militants in Pakistan.  His body was cut into ten pieces and then thrown in the dirt.  All of this was captured on a video released by al-Qaeda entitled, "The Slaughter of the Spy-Journalist, the Jew Daniel Pearl".  Now Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are making a movie based on the life of Pearls widow, and hey, you'll never guess what group of gutless animals aren't happy about it.  The Financial Express says:

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie … have been provided with Y category security due to threats to their lives from the al-Qaeda, Intelligence Bureau sources said in New Delhi on Thursday.  The stars were on a private visit, otherwise the security could have been further tightened, said the source.   British security experts were flown to Pune earlier this week, after being alerted by Pakistan because of the bad publicity the film would give to al-Qaeda in the world.

I'm not sure how much of this I believe.  Everyone from that part of the world is simply delightful.  They love to laugh, those people.  A hearty laugh and a fine scotch by the fire, that's what I picture.  Or maybe just dinner and a movie with the wife, or Pictionary during game night with the family.  And they never ever hold a grudge or lash out for no reason.  "Que sera sera", you'll often hear them say.  "Live and let live", that seems to be their motto. 



STUFF FROM ALL OVER

By brendon October 26, 2006 @ 2:29 PM

Angelina Jolie is adopting an Indian baby, "to add to her growing international brood", according to the Daily Mail.  Sources say that Jolie and Brad Pitt have already applied to adopt a baby from an orphanage in India, where they are currently working on the film "A Mighty Heart".  A source said, "They hope to be able to bring the child home by Christmas".

God, this house is gonna be a disaster.  24 hours a day – the Arab baby trying to strangle the Israeli baby,  the African kid hunting down the cat, the Chinese baby balling up socks then making whistling sounds and bombing the Taiwanese baby, flaming arrows and tomahawks flying across the room, one of the kids in a cage.   God damn that would fun to watch.  

 

Tyra Banks is getting too fat to host "Americas Next Top Model", at least according to the executives at CW.  Tyra has been instructed to lose weight immediately or she will be replaced as host for next season.  A source says, "Tyra still looks good, but she's put on close to 50 pounds since starting her talk show … things are really getting out of control.  I mean, she doesn't have the greatest personality, so if she starts getting too heavy, it could be a real problem for the show."

Damn.  Because nothing would be better than seeing Tyra pointing with a big giant turkey leg during the line up part, telling the aspiring models what to do and how to act if they wanna be a big success.  Like Tyra.  And then Tyra dips the turkey leg in chocolate. 

 

And Evangeline Lilly is just up here because she's cute and wet and the page has been pretty fug lately.



SHILOH IS REALLY FREAKIN CUTE

By brendon October 24, 2006 @ 11:37 AM

If you need any more proof that God is a dude, just remember that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt had a girl.  The pope should open his Christmas mass with that.  Just say that and then hold up the Tomb Raider poster.  And then say “Is good, I like”.  And he should say it like Borat.  Because people like Borat.  Churches would have a line out the door.  Brad Pitt could wear a little Dorothy costume for Halloween and prolly be the third hottest chick I’ve ever seen.  So add that up and you get Shiloh.  And she looks pretty freakin cute here, in these pictures taken this week, either in India or the gas station I go to where they yell at me if I ask to use the bathroom.

JENNIFER ANISTON LOSES AGAIN

By brendon October 20, 2006 @ 12:19 PM

Many are wondering if this may finally be the year Martin Scorsese wins an Academy Award for directing "the Departed", the best reviewed movie of the year so far and a genuine box office hit to boot.  If it does win Best Picture, one of the producers to claim a statue would be Brad Pitt, as his company Plan B productions produced the film.  Pitts former partner at Plan B would not win an award.  That would be Jennifer Aniston, who owned half of the production company when "the Departed" was made but lost all rights in the divorce settlement.  Aniston got the mansion in Malibu, Pitt got Plan B.  Fox 411 says:

Jennifer Aniston's name has been erased from the list of producers since she and Brad Pitt split. It was their company, Plan B, that was originally involved, along with producer Brad Grey before he left to run Paramount.  The result is that Grey and Pitt's names stayed on, even though they did nothing to make the movie, and Aniston's was dumped.  "Brad controlled the credits," a source says, which explains a few other things.

This would maybe seem cruel, except I don't like Jennifer Aniston and don't really care.   And it would be fun to see her cry some more on Oprah if she didn't get an Academy Award.  God knows this was her only chance.  I asked my tivo to record "Rumor Has It", and instead it ran away in the middle of the night.



EVERYONE HATES RUSSELL CROWE

By brendon October 11, 2006 @ 11:42 AM

The always great Radar Online has their Hollywood poll up now, the end result of black-op undercover work to get the true feelings of "more than 50 top power players: studio execs, high-level agents from every major firm, and dozens of A-list producers, directors, managers, screenwriters, and publicists. These are people who have run studios, released blockbusters, won Oscars."  So, you know, powerful people.  The kind of people who commission snuff films.  Some of the highlights from the poll:

The Nightmare Actor : Russell Crowe won big here.  One producer  said, "Some incident can occur and he won’t show up on set for the next week—and you're screwed."  A studio head said, "Russell is an unhappy guy.  His process is difficult. You have to talk him through everything, and he always has an opinion. He thinks he's smarter than everybody else."  Crowe beat out Lindsay Lohan and Jim Carrey, who one source described as "depressed and weird."

The Most Sought After Actor : Brad Pitt and Will Smith top the list, with Pitt described as "charming, talented, handsome, and has international appeal."  Will Smith is in demand for his ability to make a hit from almost anything.  One source said, "I mean, you couldn't get a movie much worse than 'I, Robot', and it did giant business."

The Biggest Hack Director : Brett Ratner.   Second place wasn't even mentioned here, the "X-Men 3" director won and it wasn't even close.  His success "reflects more on his ability to kiss ass than any actual talent."

The Blogger With Million Dollar Abs And A Twinkle In His Eye : well, technically, Radar didn't address this hot button issue, clearly afraid of the swooning that would be sure to follow if they mentioned me with any ladies in the room.

see the whole list here. (I can't remember who but someone made the point about X3 that, in the first XMen, Magneto couldn't escape from a plastic prison with metal about 30 yards away.  in Ratners X3, Magneto could pick up the golden gate bridge.  hey continuity – fuck you.)



GOD DAMMIT

By brendon October 10, 2006 @ 10:10 AM

USA Today has the first look at Angelina Jolie playing Mariane Pearl, the widow of Daniel Pearl, the Wall Street Journal reporter who was beheaded by islamic terrorists in Pakistan in 2002.  Bf Brad Pitt is a producer on the project (Pitt was also a producer on "the Departed", by the way) based on the book written by Mariane, who was pregnant with the couples first child when Daniel was murdered.  None of which I care about in the least, since I'm still kinda pissed they fugged up Jolie.  Nothing I've read so far explains why this movie can't still be sexy.  Couldn't it be the same story with Jolie in a half shirt and boy shorts.  That's how you sell tickets, baby!