By brendon January 10, 2007 @ 12:58 PM

Angelina Jolie tells ElleUK that she never planned on getting pregnant and starting a family with Brad Pitt.  Basically, it was an accident.  Hello Magazine says:

"I wasn't planning on getting pregnant.  I'm the one that got knocked up.  Some men have kids when they're not ready and some men know they want to take it seriously and wait until they're absolutely ready.  You could say Brad changed me."

And there's more good news for Shiloh.  Not only was she an accident, but her mom loves her less than her two adopted siblings:

"I think I feel so much more for Madd and Zee because they're survivors, they came through so much.  Shiloh seemed so privileged from the moment she was born. I'm conscious that I have to make sure I don't ignore her needs, just because I think the others are more vulnerable."

"More vulnerable"?  What the hell is she talking about?  The only thing Maddox is vulnerable to is getting laid at 13.  In a recent survey of 13-year-olds who were me, 100 percent of the people who responded said "voom voom" as they played with a toy light saber.  Yeah, this kids got problems all right.  Like me and me steely blue eyes,  they're so blue women get swept away and can't contain their passion.  Also my penis is so big I have to wear special pants and can't ride a bike.  Oh woe is me!


By brendon December 19, 2006 @ 5:13 PM

Angelina Jolie says that adoptive parents are more fit than natural parents because of the rigorous screening process they have to go through to get a child.  Angelina says:

"It should be hard to be a parent period. I go through many things to adopt.  I'm finger-printed, I'm checked, I go through home studies. I have to prove I'm a decent citizen; a good human being. That didn't happen to me when I gave birth, so it's interesting that there's no background check when you bring a child into your home in that way."

Once I kidnap Paris Hilton and fill her vagina with cement so she can never have kids, I picture a world of rainbows and a big smiling sun and people frolicking through a gumdrop meadow with a dancing candy cane on one hand and a baby tiger in a little football payer outfit on the other.  Some people really shouldn't have kids, and the world is filled with an alarming number of parents who are complete and total fuckups.  That being said, its probably dumb to make a blanket statement like adoptive parents are more fit than natural parents.  Angelina was still certifiably insane when she adopted Maddox, and everyone knows she only got him because she's rich, famous and she was in Cambodia.  In Cambodia you can get a free baby with 8 gallons of gas.


By brendon December 15, 2006 @ 1:04 PM

Brad Pitt is good at a lot of things. Dancing is not one of them, as seen here in a Japanese ad for the coffee drink Roots. They could have just thrown a bee hive at him and gotten pretty much the same thing. Although maybe it's not cool for me to judge. The fire marshal actually had to ban me from the clubs because my sexy moves on the dance floor kept setting off the sprinklers. I'm that hot.

(thanks to Chandra for the link. Yeah baby, me and Chandra are heatin things up!)


By brendon December 08, 2006 @ 5:23 PM

The Post Gazette says that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie took time out from making cobra proof clothes to take a tour of Fallingwater, the famous house in southwestern Pennsylvania designed in 1935 by architect Frank Lloyd Wright.  The daytrip was part of Angelina's birthday present to Brad, who turns 43 next week.  Cara Armstrong, Fallingwater's Curator of Education, said:

"Brad said he had wanted to experience Fallingwater ever since he took an architectural history course in college.  He and I talked quite a bit about design and art. He was incredibly well informed about architecture.  (They were) very gracious and very engaged in the house. As we say in the Midwest, you could tell their mothers raised them right.  Brad said he had a visual sense of Fallingwater but experiencing it in person, hearing the sound of the waterfall cascading under the house and smelling the wood from the fireplace, was better than anything he could have imagined."

After the tour, Jolie had champagne and caviar sent in, which the couple shared in a private birthday celebration in Fallingwater's living room. Afterward, they invited the staff to join them.  "He's so hard to buy for," Jolie told the staff.

If these two were any cuter, Angelina would have given birth to a baby panda in a little cowboy outfit.


By brendon December 08, 2006 @ 11:41 AM

The Daily Mail and OK Magazine say that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are planning a Christmas wedding in a small village outside Johannesburg, South Africa.  The Mail says:

"They are treating their marriage like a spiritual affirmation and don't need big Hollywood glitz like Tom Cruise had in Italy."   The ceremony will include traditional African music and will be "simple and elegant", a friend of the couple told US magazine OK!   "They are so much in love.  Brad and Angelina have waited a long time for this chapter in their lives to unfold."

Guests are expected to include Madonna and husband Guy Ritchie, George Clooney and new James Bond Daniel Craig, as well as Oprah Winfrey, who suggested the African village where the ceremony may be held.

An insider said: "Ange is grateful to have a big sister in Oprah, a person who understands her fears of commitment but is also a kindred spirit."

God it never lets up with this chick.  Africa Africa Africa.  Yeah, I get Angie, you're better than I am.  You want to help.  But Brad just wants to fuck you.  That's why he never did this stuff before.  So stop dragging him all over the globe to the worst places on earth every time theres a problem like you're the superfriends.  The dude is crossing rivers of fire and fighting flying dragons just to prove himself to you, would it really kill you to give him a weekend at Pebble Beach, in a town where the "just married" limousines are actual cars and not just the biggest turtle.


By brendon November 03, 2006 @ 9:44 AM

In February of 2002, Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pearl was beheaded by al-Qaeda militants in Pakistan.  His body was cut into ten pieces and then thrown in the dirt.  All of this was captured on a video released by al-Qaeda entitled, "The Slaughter of the Spy-Journalist, the Jew Daniel Pearl".  Now Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are making a movie based on the life of Pearls widow, and hey, you'll never guess what group of gutless animals aren't happy about it.  The Financial Express says:

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie … have been provided with Y category security due to threats to their lives from the al-Qaeda, Intelligence Bureau sources said in New Delhi on Thursday.  The stars were on a private visit, otherwise the security could have been further tightened, said the source.   British security experts were flown to Pune earlier this week, after being alerted by Pakistan because of the bad publicity the film would give to al-Qaeda in the world.

I'm not sure how much of this I believe.  Everyone from that part of the world is simply delightful.  They love to laugh, those people.  A hearty laugh and a fine scotch by the fire, that's what I picture.  Or maybe just dinner and a movie with the wife, or Pictionary during game night with the family.  And they never ever hold a grudge or lash out for no reason.  "Que sera sera", you'll often hear them say.  "Live and let live", that seems to be their motto.