By Lex July 10, 2015 @ 12:04 PM
Brandi Glanville was either fired from her Bravo Housewives show or she quit to pursue other ripe and golden opportunities. The latter being the extraction and sale of her pickled glands to exotic food courts in the aristocratic neighborhoods of Shanghai. When you’re a drunk mom, lots of shit happens in your life that you recollect poorly. Did I leave the baby in the car? I remember doing shitty at video poker. Somebody was screaming, but I thought it was me. I can make more. Thank you, science.
It’s impossible to get clear word from the Bravo network since their communications department consists of Andy Cohen moaning softly while three German teens rim him in an ostentatiously decorated foyer. Five minutes into the process you forgot why you gave a shit in the first place. Brandi Glanville appears to be looking for work. Or larger tips. Same difference. Maybe your kids will never watch TV or have access to the Internet. You’re good.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex March 26, 2015 @ 10:01 AM
Brandi Glanville is a case study in why the steady farmer puts down even his best horse when she’s past her prime. It’s hard to watch the decline. And you can only feed so many mouths. Also, that horse might decide to start appearing on Bravo!, a network that now exists solely to examine what happens when you give middle aged alcoholics tons of booze then flash lights in their eyes. You stumble around West Hollywood with a tampon hanging out of your mom hole. Or some other chick is suing you for swearing on the bible that her pussy smells like sardines. Or your nipple falls out of your top and you’re too fucked up to notice. It doesn’t matter. When somebody’s plummeting toward the deck after jumping off a hi-rise, nobody ever asks ‘what floor are they on?’.
Photo Credit: “Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills” Bravo
By Jack January 22, 2015 @ 12:00 PM
Joanna Krupa is suing her Real Housewife co-star Brandi Glanville for slander against her pussy. Apparently, Glanville made statements to the effect that Krupa’s vag smelled like the Gowanus Canal at low tide. Can you sue for vaginal defamation? I don’t see why not.
Read all about Joanna Krupa’s stanky business. (Dlisted)
Aubrey Plaza smokes cigars spread eagle on the set of Dirty Grandpa. (Egotastic)
Kim Kardashian was doing selfies before it was cool, apparently. (TMZ)
Saudi Arabia sentenced a blogger to a 1000 lashes. Once again I’m glad I’m an American. (Huffington Post)
Shay Mitchell and her titties frolic in this sexy bikini video. (Drunken Stepfather)
Lea Michele wears just a white tank top and it is awesome. (Popoholic)
Kennedy Summers shills for 138 Water in a tiny bikini. (The Superficial)
By Lex November 14, 2014 @ 11:00 AM
Brandi Glanville claims she’s officially given up provoking fights with LeAnn Rimes, even though LeAnn remains a crazy slut who stole her husband. This comes after Glanville’s marketing intern determined she’s no longer getting any media play from the fake feuds. Given that Glanville still colon cleanses with a gallon of Stoli each morning, sticking to her word has to be considered iffy. Nobody should be held responsible for their behavior when their BAC is three times the threshold of imminent death. That’s not drunk, that’s pretty fucking impressive.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Lex July 23, 2014 @ 11:39 AM
Now that LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian have their own reality show dedicated to pretending they have better things to talk about than Eddie’s ex-wife Brandi Glanville, Brandi felt the telltale publicity sting in her vagina quarters pushing her to get back out in public and show off her tits and ass. It’s often good to take a pause at these moments and remember that most 40-something moms aren’t wasted in the streets flashing their panties on summer evenings. Just the interesting ones. I’m not sure who the Jon Gosselin lookalike is with Brandi, but I bet she’s drunk enough that he could impregnate her without her remembering. That is where Glanville babies come from.
Photo Credit: Splash
By Lex February 21, 2014 @ 1:49 PM
Brandi Glanville had everything working for at her book signing. Her award winning semi-sober smile. Makeup caked on in all the right spots. Several copies of her book, I’m an Inebriated Whore, Somebody Please Bury Me in the Desert, and tons of cameras and publicity assistants at the ready. She was just missing one thing. People. Where were the throngs of people looking to scoop up the seventh book of the ex-wife of an actor nobody has ever heard of before he started sleeping with LeAnn Rimes? Maybe they were giving away free toxic shock tampons or something down the street, because something has to explain why the room was empty. At one point somebody did come by, but just to ask why Barnes and Noble no longer carried men’s magazines in their free reading racks. Maybe Kindle sales are skyrocketing.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet