By Lex March 26, 2015 @ 10:01 AM
Brandi Glanville is a case study in why the steady farmer puts down even his best horse when she’s past her prime. It’s hard to watch the decline. And you can only feed so many mouths. Also, that horse might decide to start appearing on Bravo!, a network that now exists solely to examine what happens when you give middle aged alcoholics tons of booze then flash lights in their eyes. You stumble around West Hollywood with a tampon hanging out of your mom hole. Or some other chick is suing you for swearing on the bible that her pussy smells like sardines. Or your nipple falls out of your top and you’re too fucked up to notice. It doesn’t matter. When somebody’s plummeting toward the deck after jumping off a hi-rise, nobody ever asks ‘what floor are they on?’.
Photo Credit: “Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills” Bravo
By Jack January 22, 2015 @ 12:00 PM
Joanna Krupa is suing her Real Housewife co-star Brandi Glanville for slander against her pussy. Apparently, Glanville made statements to the effect that Krupa’s vag smelled like the Gowanus Canal at low tide. Can you sue for vaginal defamation? I don’t see why not.
Read all about Joanna Krupa’s stanky business. (Dlisted)
Aubrey Plaza smokes cigars spread eagle on the set of Dirty Grandpa. (Egotastic)
Kim Kardashian was doing selfies before it was cool, apparently. (TMZ)
Saudi Arabia sentenced a blogger to a 1000 lashes. Once again I’m glad I’m an American. (Huffington Post)
Shay Mitchell and her titties frolic in this sexy bikini video. (Drunken Stepfather)
Lea Michele wears just a white tank top and it is awesome. (Popoholic)
Kennedy Summers shills for 138 Water in a tiny bikini. (The Superficial)
By Lex November 14, 2014 @ 11:00 AM
Brandi Glanville claims she’s officially given up provoking fights with LeAnn Rimes, even though LeAnn remains a crazy slut who stole her husband. This comes after Glanville’s marketing intern determined she’s no longer getting any media play from the fake feuds. Given that Glanville still colon cleanses with a gallon of Stoli each morning, sticking to her word has to be considered iffy. Nobody should be held responsible for their behavior when their BAC is three times the threshold of imminent death. That’s not drunk, that’s pretty fucking impressive.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Lex July 23, 2014 @ 11:39 AM
Now that LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian have their own reality show dedicated to pretending they have better things to talk about than Eddie’s ex-wife Brandi Glanville, Brandi felt the telltale publicity sting in her vagina quarters pushing her to get back out in public and show off her tits and ass. It’s often good to take a pause at these moments and remember that most 40-something moms aren’t wasted in the streets flashing their panties on summer evenings. Just the interesting ones. I’m not sure who the Jon Gosselin lookalike is with Brandi, but I bet she’s drunk enough that he could impregnate her without her remembering. That is where Glanville babies come from.
Photo Credit: Splash
By Lex February 21, 2014 @ 1:49 PM
Brandi Glanville had everything working for at her book signing. Her award winning semi-sober smile. Makeup caked on in all the right spots. Several copies of her book, I’m an Inebriated Whore, Somebody Please Bury Me in the Desert, and tons of cameras and publicity assistants at the ready. She was just missing one thing. People. Where were the throngs of people looking to scoop up the seventh book of the ex-wife of an actor nobody has ever heard of before he started sleeping with LeAnn Rimes? Maybe they were giving away free toxic shock tampons or something down the street, because something has to explain why the room was empty. At one point somebody did come by, but just to ask why Barnes and Noble no longer carried men’s magazines in their free reading racks. Maybe Kindle sales are skyrocketing.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex February 06, 2014 @ 6:58 PM
Brandi Glanville is dropping a new book just about every week now. That has to be considered highly fucking prolific for a raging alcoholic with a moderate level of intellgence. Which just goes to show, you can get tons of shit done when you’re long term unemployed. Put that in your Obama criticism pipe and smoke it. Having unlimited free time allows you the privilege to sit down every day and focus on calling your agent to see how the ghostwriter is coming along with your latest book. In her latest literary venture, Drinking and Dating, Brandi continues to expound upon the only thing people could possibly care about her, how LeAnn Rimes stole her husband. It has been five years now on this same topic, so Brandi upped the ante by announcing that Eddie Cibrian gave her HPV. I’m sure he was thinking bitch slap to the chops for their last Christmas, but being a gentleman, he settled on transmittable warts. Brandi speculates that Eddie was serial-cheating on her during their marriage, hence, her broken vagina and broken heart. I’m not sure what revelations occur after Page 1 of this book, but unless Eddie also gave her The AIDS or she had sex with a postmortem Philip Seymour Hoffman, you can probably skip on the purchase.