By Lex February 21, 2014 @ 1:49 PM
Brandi Glanville had everything working for at her book signing. Her award winning semi-sober smile. Makeup caked on in all the right spots. Several copies of her book, I’m an Inebriated Whore, Somebody Please Bury Me in the Desert, and tons of cameras and publicity assistants at the ready. She was just missing one thing. People. Where were the throngs of people looking to scoop up the seventh book of the ex-wife of an actor nobody has ever heard of before he started sleeping with LeAnn Rimes? Maybe they were giving away free toxic shock tampons or something down the street, because something has to explain why the room was empty. At one point somebody did come by, but just to ask why Barnes and Noble no longer carried men’s magazines in their free reading racks. Maybe Kindle sales are skyrocketing.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex February 06, 2014 @ 6:58 PM
Brandi Glanville is dropping a new book just about every week now. That has to be considered highly fucking prolific for a raging alcoholic with a moderate level of intellgence. Which just goes to show, you can get tons of shit done when you’re long term unemployed. Put that in your Obama criticism pipe and smoke it. Having unlimited free time allows you the privilege to sit down every day and focus on calling your agent to see how the ghostwriter is coming along with your latest book. In her latest literary venture, Drinking and Dating, Brandi continues to expound upon the only thing people could possibly care about her, how LeAnn Rimes stole her husband. It has been five years now on this same topic, so Brandi upped the ante by announcing that Eddie Cibrian gave her HPV. I’m sure he was thinking bitch slap to the chops for their last Christmas, but being a gentleman, he settled on transmittable warts. Brandi speculates that Eddie was serial-cheating on her during their marriage, hence, her broken vagina and broken heart. I’m not sure what revelations occur after Page 1 of this book, but unless Eddie also gave her The AIDS or she had sex with a postmortem Philip Seymour Hoffman, you can probably skip on the purchase.
By Travis January 17, 2014 @ 3:51 PM
When you see a headline like “Brandi Glanville says she ‘wanted to be molested as a child’”, you might get the idea that the reality star admitted that she was molested a long, long time ago and was somehow cool with it. While that would still be incredibly stupid, it’s pretty misleading, because the reason that Brandi’s fans and child safety and anti-rape groups are all pissed off at her is far more stupid than that. On a recent edition of her podcast, “Brandi Glanville Unfiltered”, the Real Housewives alum interviewed two comedians and made a bad joke about how her sister was molested as a child, and she was jealous that it never happened to her.
Even worse, the joke wasn’t even hers. Brandi pulled it from one of Jim Florentine’s acts and used it just to start a conversation with him, and now people are going to act outraged over it, because that’s what the internet does. The good thing is that because it’s a virtual nobody like Brandi Glanville, the outrage should be over… now. It’s already done.
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By Lex December 11, 2013 @ 3:47 PM
Sometimes it’s hard to tell with drunks if they want attention or they just say stupid shit because they’re snookered. Last month Brandi Glanville announced that Joanna Krupa’s pussy smelled bad. Now, she’s drunk again by the pool on whatever stupid fucking show she’s on telling the dark skinned member of the cast that of course you can’t swim, because, ‘you’re black’. Which not only offended this co-star Joyce Giraud, but pissed off the 2.3% of black people who do indeed enjoy water sports. Glanville quickly backtracked on her remarks, first stating that she was referring to the fact that all black people obviously have weaves that can’t get wet, and when she realized that sounded pretty fucking stupid too, she went for the ‘I have lots of minority friends so shut the fuck up.’ Thankfully, somebody cut her off before she brought up her BBC gangbang background as further proof that she’s the next Mandela.
By Lex November 18, 2013 @ 1:55 PM
The last time Brandi Glanville went out and got snookered, she ended up stumbling around West Hollywood with her ass exposed and a tampon string hanging out from between her legs. Relative to that, this weekend’s sober drinking birthday dinner was relatively tame. At least, there was a posse of helpful people put in place in anticipation of Brandi knocking back a few. She even brought out her Celebrity Rehab counselor friend who I guess did not have a resume builder kind of evening. Brandi might think about wearing pants the nights she hits the town, just in case her vagina gets weepy again with the drink.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, PCN, WENN
By Lex November 14, 2013 @ 2:13 PM
Girl fights without hair pulling or makeup sex are inherently uninteresting. But sober living challenged Brandi Glanville decided to go the ultimate below the belt blow on fellow Real Housewives cast member Joanna Krupa by saying that she heard from a dude Joanna slept with that Krupa’s pussy smelled. And I don’t mean like a spring meadow. Pussy stank comments are the female fight equivalent of going nuclear. It’s Hiroshima. You can’t just say oops, my bad, and expect to go get your next abortions together like before. The ground is now toxic. Brandi’s comment was in response to Joanna Krupa tweeting that she wasn’t surprised that Brandi Glanville’s husband left her for LeAnn Rimes. If this all sounds horribly petty and staged for the gay Bravo! Real Housewives audience, then you are correct.
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