Brendan Eich Didn’t Like Gay Marriage, Now He’s Unemployed

By Lex April 03, 2014 @ 5:27 PM

Never go against the family in a mafia movie if you want to live. Never go against the Eagles in a Philly sports bar if you value your face. And never go against the gays if you want to keep your job. According to pretty much everybody, Brendan Eich was a pretty cool fat sweaty nerd with glasses. He invented JavaScript in the mid-90′s so that every Community College student with half a brain could code shit on Al Gore’s Internet. He did a bunch of other make the web accessible benevolent shit including working with Mozilla and developing Firefox and all kinds of tech stuff that I don’t understand, I only know he’s contributing more to society than I am. Eich made a donation to the Prop 8 campaign in 2008 that sought to stop same sex marriages in California. I guess you could call the Proposition wildly unpopular, except that it passed in a state that leans heavily Democratic, so technically it was actually popular. And for whatever reason, religious, social, or he just couldn’t stand Neal Patrick Harris having so many jobs, Brendan Eich gave a $1,000 to the Prop 8 campaign. A couple years ago, the L.A. Times outed the names of Prop 8 contributors so that everybody in their reading area could call the donors like Eich lots of ┬ábad names. Everybody he worked with says Eich is sweet as a muffin. He pushes diversity programs at Mozilla so that people from all backgrounds can access girl on girl porn optimally on Firefox. He’s never brought his personal opinions into play in his profession. Unlike, you know, the rest of us who do it constantly. But when Eich got upped to CEO at Mozilla recently, the dating site OKCupid, which relies heavily on same sex coupling for its business model, posted a big fat message boycotting Firefox because of Eich’s promotion. Never mind that Eich was the organization’s long time CTO before that. The OKCupid publicity stunt grew and gay-snowballed into Eich being forced to resign as CEO of Mozilla today because he obviously hates the gays or maybe he’s devoutly Christian or personally objects to same sex marriage or other horrible and heinous character perversions.

Things are progressing fast in social lynching circles as just a few months ago you had to say shit in public like men should only love pussy like Phil Robertson did before he got canned. Just yesterday the Supreme Court ruled that political contributions were tantamount to Free Speech. I guess they were kind of wrong.