Brian Boitano Is Gay? Who the Fuck Is Left?

By Jack December 20, 2013 @ 1:30 PM

Brian Boitano came out of the closet yesterday, shocking old school sports fans who saw male figure skating as the last bastion of heterosexuality. I guess after 25 years of everyone knowing that he was super duper gay, Brian felt it was time to declare his sexuality for the last person in the world who might give a shit. His announcement is timed with his selection to three person team, along with Billy Jean King and Caitlin Cahow, sent by Obama to Russia as the U.S. delegation for gayness ahead of the Sochi Olympics. The 2014 winter games in Russia have been beset with controversy surrounding Russian president Vladimir Putin’s continuing suppression of gay and lesbian rights in the former Soviet empire. Our delegation is chock full of gender bending lovers as a notice to Russia that we beat them at nukes, and we will kick their ass in the gay arms race as well. Rim a commie for mommy.